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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
Aimee75 · 20/11/2019 12:55

I don’t think it helped; I obviously applied to get my son back living with me but that wasn’t the outcome so rather than dwell on that I have to move on; he is still on my life. I’m still shocked that women expect that children should only live with their mothers esp given that my ex is a very good father and is equally as responsible as I am

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 20/11/2019 12:55

I didn’t choose my boyfriend over my son, there was a lot more to it than that. It didn’t help that my ex had a barrister and I represented myself as I couldn’t afford one however the court ruled as they did and I can’t dwell on that.
*
I have 3 other children with my partner! My som chose to live with his father and it was discussed over many months, am I supposed to tell my children that I’m kicking there father out because he doesn’t get on with one child after it had been amicably decided?! There’s something wrong if anyone agrees with that*

Both quotes by you, but not saying the same thing at all!

spanglydangly · 20/11/2019 12:57

I don’t think it helped; I obviously applied to get my son back living with me but that wasn’t the outcome so rather than dwell on that I have to move on; he is still on my life. I’m still shocked that women expect that children should only live with their mothers esp given that my ex is a very good father and is equally as responsible as I am

Then why question his decision? He's also a lot more responsible you don't have joint PR, you see very little of your son I feel. I would not be happy with the small amount of time you have.

Original poster
Aimee75 · 20/11/2019 12:58

Yes lets leave 3 children plus one step daughter without a father when my son was living with his Dad! You people are mental, I’m signing off now. I was warned about the mental capacity of women on MN now I know why!!!

OP posts:
losingthepl0t · 20/11/2019 13:00

Yes lets leave 3 children plus one step daughter without a father when my son was living with his Dad

by this definition, you left your DS without a mother.

spanglydangly · 20/11/2019 13:01

Yes lets leave 3 children plus one step daughter without a father when my son was living with his Dad! You people are mental, I’m signing off now. I was warned about the mental capacity of women on MN now I know why!!!

Who warned you exactly?

Your son was 7 years old, you didn't have three more children in five minutes I presume?

But it's ok for your DS to have no mother? Really?

And your biggest issue is a two week Disneyland holiday? I think your son may feel differently.

ffswhatnext · 20/11/2019 13:06

Of course, he felt pushed out. New siblings and having to share his room as a result.

Glad you have dropped the idea of stopping the holiday.
Either he would be disappointed that he was left behind and who with?
All the holiday is cancelled and they are all disappointed.

MozzchopsThirty · 20/11/2019 13:15

Once again another nasty nasty bunch asking the OP questions that aren't relevant (does contact happen at your house? Why do you have such little contact)

Fucking nasty nasty bitches, I don't know what's happening to MN it used to be funny and supportive, now no matter what you post there are people who just come on a say things like 'oh there must be more to this story'. Just answer the OP or fuck off

OP I agree with posters who have said suck it up and don't stop your son from going.
Life after separation is much easier if you pick your battles
But I am genuinely sorry for the unnecessary shit you're getting on here

MN you really need to police this goady disgusting behaviour, most threads are like this

AndysFavouriteToy · 20/11/2019 13:42

How does a grown adult man not "get on" with a 7 year old boy to the extent he wants to leave?
How is your partner with the other children?
Have you ever considered that your partner wanted to push your son away because he didn't fit into the family he wanted, ie wasn't biologically his? I am not asking to be goady but a man pushing a 7 year old out of his home screams manipulation to me! Do you think this is a possibility? How did your partner react to your son leaving?
As to the holiday, I have taken mine out of school, one just passed their 11+ and will likely go to grammar, another is academically 3 years ahead... But we do encourage them at home (not in a pushy way). The school teaches but honestly I believe home support is just as important. A happy child will learn better and push themselves.

Hotseat · 20/11/2019 14:23

YABU. Sounds like sour grapes to me. Why would you stay in a relationship if your 9 yr old is unhappy? Not a hope in he'll I would put anyone before my children. If your son was 19 maybe, but not at his age. If he misses out on thi is trip he will resent you for a long time and may cancel his visits to you. Is it worth the risk or are you that selfish?

TitianaTitsling · 20/11/2019 15:26

This sounds horrifically judgy pants, but in the short 5 years, your DS had
-parental separation

  • new relationships and partners moving in
  • 3 new half siblings
  • a step sister moving in to his room,
-'arguments' with step dad- and mum's answer for him? Yep you move out!?
Jocasta2018 · 20/11/2019 15:46

@TitianaTitsling

My sentiments exactly! That small child has been through a helluva lot more in a few years than most people go through in a lifetime.
It'll be interesting to see how his relationship with his mother develops over the years given her preference for her new family.
At least he has stability in his father's household and long may it last.

FreedomfromPE · 20/11/2019 15:52

Make it clear to your ex that you will object if regular term time trips start being pursued. You are OK with this holiday opportunity for ds but that in your mind this is not opening the door to frequent loss of school time.

FreedomfromPE · 20/11/2019 15:56

I must admit. I wish I could get some of the more hostile posters to go after my ex who is currently refusing to see our children.

bluebluezoo · 20/11/2019 15:59

Two weeks off school will make absolutely fuck all difference. I used to take my kids out of school every year for two weeks and both kids have done fabulous in their GCSE results, talking 7, 8, & grades

And maybe if you hadn’t taken them out those grades might have been all 8’s and 9’s with no 7’s.

It isn’t measurable as you don’t have a control subject to measure against.

Unless the child get all 9’s or whatever it is now then you can’t say term time holidays had no effect.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/11/2019 16:24

I disagree that people are being nasty. The OP is thinking about stopping a one off 2 week holiday to Disney as it might affect school work, whilst simultaneously ignoring the far greater damage she has put her son through. It smacks of jealousy and vitriol rather than genuine concern for her DS education.

Bellaxx8 · 20/11/2019 20:59

It’s lucky your son has his dad since you didn’t think of him.

New partner, moved in, 3 new half siblings in 5 years ? And your partner doesn’t get on with him. He’s 7! No wonder he wanted his dad.

And you were thinking of trying to stop a holiday to Disneyland. Vile.

TriciaH87 · 20/11/2019 22:17

Take my kids out most years for a week. It's done no farm. Your child would be gutted to miss Disney. Learning can occur outside the class room too. We went to France in June for a week. Kids learnt how to navigate a map at Disney, learnt more French in a week than in a year at school, learnt to swim a lot better and had the time of their lives. You would be taking away something your child will remember for a life time.

Zerrin13 · 20/11/2019 23:19

No one thinks the problem is that your son lives with his Father. They think the problem is why he doesn't live with you.

losingthepl0t · 21/11/2019 07:27

They think the problem is why he doesn't live with you.

I don't think this is the issue either. some children live with their dad.

The issue is that OP picked her partner over her DS and is now sitting on a high horse about 2 weeks of missed education in lie of Disney world and that is is not actually about DS's education but about taking revenge on her exH. That's how I read the thread initially.

Thankfully, she has now said she will not try to stop exH taking DS out for the trip.

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