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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:
Dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2019 09:55

Is it a 2 weeks holiday crossing over some school holiday time or will be missing 2 weeks of school?

ShippingNews · 13/11/2019 09:55

he could potentially take him out of school several times a year

But he isn't . He is just doing this once , and you don't like it.

Frankly I can't imagine a more damaging thing that you could do to your relationship with your son, than to prevent him from going to Disneyland with his siblings.

cakeandchampagne · 13/11/2019 09:55

If your ex is legally allowed to do it, you might want to talk to a counselor about dealing with this & the next 9 years of things like this. Flowers

BusyEvenForBee · 13/11/2019 09:56

The fact that the court granted custody to the father with not much contact for the mother speaks volumes.
As mentioned before this year is not important school year and this holiday sounds like one in a lifetime! Would you prefer if the ex has taken other kids and left you child behind?

You sound like you are not thinking of the child's welfare. Your attitude will create more issues which will be reflected on your son. Let it go and get on with your life.

Original poster
Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:56

My ex has taken him on holiday abroad every year since I can remember but only once in term time when he was in reception

OP posts:
AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:57

Stopping this holiday won't do you any favours. Get him some dollars and tell him to have a wonderful time.

Twinmummy2018 · 13/11/2019 09:57

wow your ex is taking your son to Disneyland for two weeks and you the mother want to stop your child from going to have the time of his life due to missing 2 weeks of school?

Sounds to me like you're jealous. Get over yourself.

nomoreclue · 13/11/2019 09:58

I’d kindly suggest you suck it down. If you start objecting and ruin the trip then your son is going to hold it against you. He’s missing a couple of weeks at Xmas? No big deal. They pretty much do plays and dress ups and singing then anyway. He’s not missing much plus if he was in a private school their terms end much earlier. It’s something about nothing. Be careful. If you want to foster a good relationship with your kid you need to smile and cheer and say “have a brilliant time darling” is him being away affecting you getting your contact time? That would need sorting out. He needs to give you extra time to make up for the days missed. Also, is he away over Xmas? What’s your contact supposed to be over Xmas Hols?

PollyShelby · 13/11/2019 09:58

Lucky boy to have two weeks in America.

Thinking of what could might or maybe will happen in the future isn't relevant.

Let him enjoy the holiday without causing chaos.

cheesydoesit · 13/11/2019 09:58

Why didn't your son want to live with your partner? Wouldn't you have fathered your partner left than your son?

I think you have had good advice re speaking to the school and avoiding a fine. I agree that your judgement might be clouded with annoyance at the situation.

Original poster
Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 10:00

It’s nothing to do with jealousy! He took him to Thailand last year but that was during 6 week summer hols. I’m just worried about him being taken out of school on more than one occasion but I guess best thing to do is just let ex get on with it & hope he makes best decisions for our son

OP posts:
cheesydoesit · 13/11/2019 10:00

*rather.

Also, when you have contact with your son, is it in your own home and is your partner there at the time?

aprilanne · 13/11/2019 10:00

Sorry but you stated your son hated your partner so went to stay with dad .so you chose a man over your child and now complain about a holiday sorry but maybe you should look at your own behaviour before ex husband

champagneandfromage50 · 13/11/2019 10:00

Your poor DS. He doesn’t want to stay with you as he doesnt like your partner. But you clearly still have the said partner and now your going to try and stop him going on holiday with his family. I think you need to have a long hard look at yourself

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2019 10:02

just to be clear I have no problem with my son going on holiday during school holidays it’s just the removal from school that I object to as it could be more than once a year

Woulda, coulda, shoulda though.

Cross that bridge if indeed you ever come to it.

Original poster
Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 10:03

Yes it is in my home and yes my partner is there. My son lived with me and my partner up until 2 years ago and I have children with my partner

OP posts:
YouFellAsleeep · 13/11/2019 10:04

I’m just worried about him being taken out of school on more than one occasion

Then deal with that if that situation arises! But as it stands, that’s not the case. Don’t spoil something for your son based on making an assumption about the future.

LightDrizzle · 13/11/2019 10:05

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here and I wonder if it’s because you are a mother who isn’t the resident parent.

I would not have taken any of mine out of school for that long and I would have objected had my ex need to do it, as he most certainly would with me. At that age, the odd day won’t hurt, but that is a lot to miss and make up.

Can you discuss it with the school, to ensue they know that it is not something you condone, and also ask if they could send a précis if the work he I’ll be missing so you can both try to help him catch up?

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 13/11/2019 10:05

So your D.C. lives with your ex because he doesn’t like your DP? And instead of getting rid of the DP, you dragged a child through a lengthy court battle? And now you want to stop your child going to Disneyland?

Right Hmm

LaurieFairyCake · 13/11/2019 10:05

I agree that he shouldn't take him out of school but it's also his decision to make and pay the fine

I'm guessing you have a good reason to choose your boyfriend over your son? When you say your son doesn't like him - that's not usually enough reason for him not living with you or not having 50/50 - so is there more to it?

IDontEvenHaveAPla · 13/11/2019 10:06

So you chose your current partner over your own child? That’s why he does not live with you as he does not get on with your current partner? I think that says a lot about your actual priority in regards to your son.

Missing two weeks at 9 will not have a detrimental effect and by your own admission this has not happened before despite your ex taking him on yearly holidays. Your ex and his partner is actually providing his son with stability and a quality of family life.

Let this go, you’ve already made it clear you choose your partner over your son, don’t take this trip away from him, whether he knows about it currently or not, it will be one he will thoroughly enjoy.

I sincerely doubt you truly are caring about his education here, but if you truly do, be active and help him catch up with any work you feel he has missed during your limited time together.

bibliomania · 13/11/2019 10:06

HI Aimee, I think if it does become a pattern of your ex taking your son out of school in termtime, then you might look at trying to stop it because it could then have a harmful impact. If he hasn't done this since reception, then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

Nicknacky · 13/11/2019 10:06

So worry about repeatedly holidays if and when that happens.

I can’t imagine stopping my child going on holiday then him having to watch his family go without him.

He’s 9. A one off isn’t going to harm his education.

LightDrizzle · 13/11/2019 10:06
  • tried, not “need”.
Original poster
Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 10:09

I didn’t choose my boyfriend over my son, there was a lot more to it than that. It didn’t help that my ex had a barrister and I represented myself as I couldn’t afford one however the court ruled as they did and I can’t dwell on that. Thanks for advice I think I will have to suck it up for this time and if it happens again cross that bridge when I come to it

OP posts: