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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex taking child on holiday

345 replies

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 09:33

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2019 10:55

The question is about whether it's reasonable to take a child out of school term time.

Well not quite. This is the question...

so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time?

Quite different to asking if it's reasonable and of course in order to give the advice the OP is asking for, people need more detail.

chocolatefudgecake17 · 13/11/2019 10:56

I couldn't get worked up about that. Life experiences are as important as school and it's only 2 weeks. How old is your son? Your ex sounds like he's pretty reasonable. I wouldn't make a fuss.
It must be difficult having your son live with his dad and not you.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 10:57

@Lovemusic33 I grew up with my dad, not my mom. I don't know anybody else who did the same. Yes it's unusual. FWIW she also chose a partner over us.

Funnily enough though, my mom didn't have a court order saying she had no say in whether I left the country. This is what's really unusual. That's not a standard ruling.

cheesydoesit · 13/11/2019 10:58

Yes, of course the whole NRP/RP reasons matter. OP has been with partner for 5 years, so approximately since her son was 4 and when he was 6/7 he decided he didn't want to live with OP's partner then CAFCASS and the courts were involved and now the son is 9. As PP has said
conflicts between children and their step parents happen but this is usually when the child is in their teens. During this time the son has gained siblings on both sides. No, we don't know the full details but it sounds like a lot of change for a young child to deal with and I don't think OP being combative over a holiday will help things.

Span1elsRock · 13/11/2019 10:59

It must hurt OP but now he's living with his father and his father is the RP, you don't honestly get to have a say.

I'd think of the joy it will bring your son.

AlternativePerspective · 13/11/2019 11:02

Why does it matter why the son doesn't live with OP?
It matters because it gives an insight into the situation in the family. This is a person who has actually had residency removed and her contact reduced to just four nights a month, bearing in mind that the child would have been only around two when OP and her ex split, if not before that so probably doesn’t remember much about living with the ex and yet at seven Cafcas have decided that it would be in his best interests to remove him from his mother, to give her limited contact and to give residency with his father with who he has never lived permanently before.

Anyone who came on here and said they had only been given limited contact would be given equally as hard a time when that person then decided that they wanted to rock the boat wrt the RP’s decisions.

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 11:02

AmIThough you are completely wrong and I have already pointed this out. Any court order that states residency automatically means the RP can take the child out of the country for up to 28 without permission from the NRP.

I and thousands of other people have this right.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/11/2019 11:03

I’m not an asshole!

I didn't say you were an asshole, I said "Don't be an asshole" that was my advice. Seriously, don't stop your kid from going to Disneyland, he's 9, 2 weeks off school won't do him any harm. Imagine, you stopped him going so he was left behind while his dad and the rest of them went off, that would be massively cruel. Don't do that to your child

ghostfromholidaypast · 13/11/2019 11:03

Living with a stepdad that he doesn't get on with to the point the dc was allowed to live with his df probably caused more issues for the dc at school and in general.

Don't jump to conclusions that he will take him out of school non stop. From everything you've said he hasn't up til now.

IDontEvenHaveAPla · 13/11/2019 11:05

Well if you’re that amicable, why are you considering being difficult?

Surely common sense says if you’re that worried you will just help your son catch up with what he’s missed, no?

I’m surprised you’re not more positive that your ex and his wife are providing stability and wonderful experiences for your son. Put his happiness first and be happy for him in regards to this trip. He is only 9, 2 weeks will not be detrimental and I imagine you know this but are looking for issues.

Heartburn888 · 13/11/2019 11:07

He is probably taking them during term time due to the cost.

I’d just let this one go, it’s Disneyland and he’s 9 he probably already knows about it and is excited and you will just come across as bitter but trying to mask this behind being a concerned parent wouldn’t wash with me.

If it become a Regular occurrence then I’d have concerns but just let it go this time.

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2019 11:08

You’ve already chosen your partner over your ds- not sure scuppering his trip to Disneyland is going to help your relationship.

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 11:12

He is taking him during term time as he says it will be quieter then although I doubt that with Disneyland! Like I said thanks for advice I will not be making any issues for him. All I wanted to ask is whether I should apply for a pso to stop my son being taken out of school (whenever this should occur) for holidays,

OP posts:

Heartburn888 · 13/11/2019 11:13

It’s your decision, but I wouldn’t personally. Don’t rock the boat.

Wtfdoipick · 13/11/2019 11:16

Did you state the court order was only granted earlier this year? So how come your ex took him out of school in reception?

Jon6b · 13/11/2019 11:17

Children should not be removed from school for a 2 week holiday, personally I think it's a dreadful thing to do, particularly when there are 14 weeks of the year when they are not in school, when they can go. People are saying they couldn't afford to go in the school holidays. Welcome to the real world. If we all took our children out of school for holidays are you actually suggesting it wouldn't affect all the children's education in that class. They would all be behind in their work.

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 11:17

Just make your concern known to your ex and the school and let them go and if it happens again then you take further action.

You should certainly get extra time with your son to make up for the missed contact and be able to speak to him when he's away though.

Bibidy · 13/11/2019 11:17

Wow, why are people being so rude and nasty to OP??

It's not our business why her son lives with his dad, and OP still has him almost half the week anyway?! Plus she has other children to think of too - are you really saying she should leave her partner and father of her other children purely because her older son decided he didn't like him (very common!)? The judgement on women on here is unreal sometimes.

OP, I'd led him go on the holiday and not worry too much that it will start happening all the time. It likely won't and it's probably only happening on this occasion as Disney is unaffordable for most in the school holidays. Spain is much easier.

maternity123qwe · 13/11/2019 11:18

Disneyland is ALOT quieter out of school holidays, it’s so so so busy during holidays so can totally see why he wants to go in term time.

Pick your battles, this isn’t one. The experience will be amazing and your son will have a lovely time.

averythinline · 13/11/2019 11:19

I would make it clear to your EX you are not happy with term time holidays as your child is missing education but that as his siblings are going you will not do prohibited steps but would like to know what ex doing to minimise interruption to education. I would also let the school know.
I woudl probably not push it any further this time but keep a record for if/when you go back to court..

heartsonacake · 13/11/2019 11:20

Is your ex taking him to Disneyland (in Paris) or Walt Disney World (in Florida)? They are two very different places and I very much doubt anyone could spend two weeks in Disneyland Paris so it sounds like Disney World.

He’s 9. This is a great time to take him when he’ll remember it and doesn’t have to worry about big exams.

And yes, actually, it is a hell of a lot quieter when it’s not term time. I don’t know why you would question that as it’s just common sense But then I’m pretty sure you’re incorrectly trying to call Walt Disney World Disneyland so 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Aimee75 · 13/11/2019 11:23

Sorry it’s Disney in Florida, I wasn’t sure of the difference in name!

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 13/11/2019 11:26

Isn't there a Disneyland in California Hearts?

DCOkeford · 13/11/2019 11:27

Honestly? I think you've made a series of poor decisions here OP.

Meeting a new boyfriend, moving them in and having (multiple) DCs with them all in the space of 5 years is quite breathtaking.

It wasn't in your DS's interests for you to do this, hence you can't be too surprised your DS wanted to move in with his Ddad.

You've shown some really poor judgement here, further evidenced by the fact that you're pinning your frustration with the situation on a holiday, when there are far greater issues towards which you should be turning your attention.

Let the poor boy have his holiday.

TheWhatWhats · 13/11/2019 11:28

Lucky boy...let him go.

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