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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 03/11/2019 17:31

Your friend doesn't want you to bring the baby.

MsPotterPepper · 03/11/2019 17:32

It's a birthday celebration, she doesn't want a baby there.

Yabu.

LuluBellaBlue · 03/11/2019 17:33

Perhaps because it’s her birthday and you introducing your baby to everyone will coming lately change the dynamics and take away from her birthday.

I guess some people wouldn’t be worried about this, but maybe she doesn’t want that for her birthday and could even be a trigger for her.

NataliaOsipova · 03/11/2019 17:33

Sounds like the restaurant would be fine with your bringing the baby, but your friend wouldn’t be....

HavelockVetinari · 03/11/2019 17:33

YABU, it's not the venue, it's more that a baby changes the dynamic. It's not unreasonable to want adults only and to be the centre of attention on her birthday. Sit this one out.

P.S. congratulations on your newborn! Enjoy the snuggles.

pastyballbag · 03/11/2019 17:35

YABU. Your friend doesn’t want the baby there, don’t bring it

PositiveVibez · 03/11/2019 17:35

I agree. Sit it out. It will totally change the dynamic.

DappledThings · 03/11/2019 17:36

Perfectly reasonable of you to assume that your baby is invited as she is so young and venue sounds child-friendly. Also reasonable of her to not want a baby at her birthday. But then totally reasonable of you not to go if you can't bring a ebf 6 week old.

Sounds like she's being a bit of a dick though by not just saying she doesn't want the baby and hiding behind what she thinks venue might or might not like.

No way I'd have gone out without either of mine at that age.

Wolfiefan · 03/11/2019 17:38

She would like to see you. She wants a childfree birthday. Don’t go. Meet up some other time.

57Varieties · 03/11/2019 17:39

*Perfectly reasonable of you to assume that your baby is invited as she is so young and venue sounds child-friendly. Also reasonable of her to not want a baby at her birthday. But then totally reasonable of you not to go if you can't bring a ebf 6 week old.

Sounds like she's being a bit of a dick though by not just saying she doesn't want the baby and hiding behind what she thinks venue might or might not like*

This

Expressedways · 03/11/2019 17:39

Of course it’s fine to take a baby to any restaurant, including fancy ones, providing you act with consideration and go outside if they are crying so as not to disturb other diners. However, that’s not the point here. It’s your friend’s birthday meal and what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want children in attendance. It’s also unrealistic to leave a tiny baby that you are breastfeeding so you‘ll have to decline the invitation. It’s a shame your friend is being like this.

misspiggy19 · 03/11/2019 17:40

YABU, it's not the venue, it's more that a baby changes the dynamic. It's not unreasonable to want adults only and to be the centre of attention on her birthday. Sit this one out.

^This.

MyOtherProfile · 03/11/2019 17:40

At that age the baby is a doddle. We went to a few celebrations including 3 weddings when our first was around this age. They sleep so much and then just need a feed and a change so don't take much attention. I would say just take the baby and have fun except that your friend seems to think it will be really different. It's her birthday so either express and leave baby with dad or don't go.

bridgetreilly · 03/11/2019 17:40

Agreed with others, but also think the friend is being a bit ridiculous. A six week old does nothing. They'll sit in the pram throughout, unless you need to feed, and even that can be done with minimal fuss and attention. It's not like bringing a six month old or a toddler. But anyway, she doesn't want the baby there so that's that.

LellyMcKelly · 03/11/2019 17:42

Arrange to meet her some other time. Her birthday lunch at an upmarket restaurant isn’t the time or the place to introduce a new baby. If you want everyone to meet your new baby you should arrange something.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/11/2019 17:43

Think your friend is a dick. Doesn’t want a baby there? Unless there is a huge back story she’s being ridiculous.

JorisBonson · 03/11/2019 17:43

Doesn't matter whether baby will be quiet or not, it's friends birthday and she doesn't want a baby there.

JorisBonson · 03/11/2019 17:44

@Scarydinosaurs why is it ridiculous?

flowerpowerr · 03/11/2019 17:46

If I was your friend, I'd probably ideally prefer not to have children there too, as like others have said, it does change the dynamic - although a newborn baby will be far less disruptive than a hyperactive toddler.

On the other hand, I would feel gutted and quite ostracised if I was excluded from a party just because I'd given birth and needed to bring my new baby.

On balance, if it was my birthday I'd invite the baby to come along too - especially as it's a lunch. It's not like she's doing cocktails and clubbing!

makingmammaries · 03/11/2019 17:46

It’s a great excuse for you not to go, which is by far the easiest option with a 6 week old baby. I wish my friends had responded like that instead of expecting me to put their wishes before the baby.

WelshCake2019 · 03/11/2019 17:48

If your friends haven't met baby bringing it along would change the celebration from birthday to let's meet new baby meal x

TokenGinger · 03/11/2019 17:48

If I was you, I wouldn't be going to celebrate a friend's birthday who hasn't managed to celebrate the arrival of your child in six whole weeks.

She can't be that good of a friend. I had a 3 month old by the time it was my friend's birthday this year. She told under no circumstances could I leave baby at home because she wanted him there with us all.

Whilst she has every right to want a child-free birthday meal, I really don't think I'd be making the effort to celebrate her birthday when she hasn't bothered to meet your new baby.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/11/2019 17:48

I think she’s been a bit unreasonable, but she probably doesn’t realise newborns can be quite easy compare to sightly older children ie. toddlers. I could stick my baby on the boob and eat a meal/ hold a convo.

Is there additional issueS in this friendship, ie that she hasn’t yet met your baby? Are they supportive of you as a new mum?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/11/2019 17:48

Your baby will never be more portable but she doesn’t want her birthday to turn into your meet the baby party, fair enough, and she’s said no so arrange to see her another time. It’s her do.

Actionhasmagic · 03/11/2019 17:49

Yabu - but selfishly if I had a 6 week old cute baby and all my friends were meeting up I would want to take the baby and get excited about it. That’s probably why she just wants it to be about her birthday and an adult only event which is totally understandable