To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

[nokidshere]

It's not at all horrible, she's entitled to want a child free birthday. She was being polite by asking you, and she didn't know if you could leave your baby or not, now she does know she'd rather the baby wasn't there.

Equally it's up to you if you want to leave your baby or not. If you don't then decline. It's so simple really. Definitely not worth falling out about.

[Iggi999]

I think a 6 week old breastfed baby probably should be superglued to its mother.
Just decline OP, one day she may think differently about it but if you're not welcome in your current situation so be it.

[Anotherlongdrive]

What she means is, that she picked this place because she wanted an upmarket adults only lunch.

It's really not rocket science to understand why someone would want a meal like that for their birthday.

[nokidshere]

But a six week old EBF baby can’t be left for 2-3 hours, especially in the evening. Or at least, neither of mine could

I left mine for 3 hours when he was 5 weeks to go to a hen do. I fed him before I left and again when I got in. It really depends on the baby.

[Iggi999]

She can't be that close either if she hasn't met your baby yet.

[Bellringer]

Miserable cow! No wonder mums get pnd and drop their friends in favour of other mums.

[Pinkblueberry]

I think a 6 week old breastfed baby probably should be superglued to its mother.

Wow. This may well be the most ridiculous thing I’ve actually read on mumsnet to date...

[which1]

Lol at some posters saying friend is selfish and should realise what's more imortant. Some people can't understand that the world doesn't relolve around them and their children.

It's her birthday do.

If you want to have a Everyone come and admire my baby bash, then arrange something separately and invite people yourself.

Don't try and make her evening about your child.

[Coconutbug]

Hi all,

Thank you for all the responses, it has given me alot to think about and also helped me see both sides of the story.

I think this from @DappledThings does sum up how I'm feeling.

'Perfectly reasonable of you to assume that your baby is invited as she is so young and venue sounds child-friendly. Also reasonable of her to not want a baby at her birthday. But then totally reasonable of you not to go if you can't bring a ebf 6 week old.

Sounds like she's being a bit of a dick though by not just saying she doesn't want the baby and hiding behind what she thinks venue might or might not like'


I appreciate that some people don't want babies around especially birthday settings. I guess no they aren't that supportive of me as a mum. This is my second child and no one has seen her for I don't know how long. The last experience I had of inviting the girls over, every time my daughter spoke, understandably interupting conversation at points they kept saying 'ssh, be quiet, were talking etc' and didn't try to engage with her atall. It really put me of. FYI I wouldn't dream of taking her out to setting like that!
I appreciate that people don't like children also which is what a few people in the group say so I don't really parade the kids infront of them. If I was to bring baby I wouldn't actively engage them with him and most wouldn't want to hold anyway.

[Anotherlongdrive]

No wonder mums get pnd and drop their friends in favour of other mums.

Get a grip.

[ExecutiveFiat]

I’m constantly amazed that there are people so lacking in awareness that they can’t possibly imagine that not everyone is fascinated by their babies/ children!
OP, why on earth, do you think that a group
of child free women would want to have a baby at a celebratory birthday meal

[Ginger1982]

"The last experience I had of inviting the girls over, every time my daughter spoke, understandably interupting conversation at points they kept saying 'ssh, be quiet, were talking etc' and didn't try to engage with her atall. It really put me of. "

To bd fair, I have DC and this would bug me too if I wanted to have an adult conversation. Did you keep up with them before having number 2? If so, I would sit this one out, keep in touch and plan a night out once you can leave baby. Or, if you feel the friendships are coming to a natural cross roads then look for friends that you have more in common with now.

[WorraLiberty]

Sounds like she's being a bit of a dick though by not just saying she doesn't want the baby and hiding behind what she thinks venue might or might not like'

No, OP.

It sounds to me as though she's trying to avoid actually having to tell you to your face, that she doesn't want a tiny baby at her birthday meal.

It's called 'tact', not 'being a dick'.

[Purpleartichoke]

She should realize that inviting a mother with a 6 week old means inviting the baby.

I would decline and know that you are making the best choices for your child.

[Iggi999]

Your friends told your child to be quiet, they're talking? something we have all probably been tempted to do at times, but I'd never actually do that! Very rude.
pinkblueberry you need to get around mumsnet more if you found my comment ridiculous! Of course a mother can leave her baby for short periods at that age (I remember an amazing coffee I had in a local caff sans enfant, but no expectation that you can go out for hours without detriment (sore boobs if nothing else!) should be made of you.

[mummyof2darlings]

From your last update I don't think any of these women are actually your friends! They actually haven't bothered in the last 6 weeks and don't like your other child I would step back and focus on friends who accept you and your children congratulations on baby xxx

[adaline]

The last experience I had of inviting the girls over, every time my daughter spoke, understandably interupting conversation at points they kept saying 'ssh, be quiet, were talking etc' and didn't try to engage with her atall.

To be fair, that's totally understandable. I wouldn't want a catch up with my friends to be constantly interrupted by children asking questions.

[DappledThings]

Sounds like she's being a bit of a dick though by not just saying she doesn't want the baby and hiding behind what she thinks venue might or might not like

Was actually me that said that and I was being quoted. I stand by it. It's the same as people having childfree weddings and including something in the invitation about making it easier for guests to relax and enjoy themselves by leaving children at home. It's completely fine to have the wedding or birthday you want, obviously but it is dickish not to just say it's your preference.

And claiming it's the venue when they have a children's menu just makes it more obvious she's making it up.

[BendingSpoons]

ExecutiveFiat maybe the OP assumed her friend wanted to see her enough that she would be happy for the baby to tag along too. At that age both of mine would have fed or slept/lay in the buggy quietly. They are now 3 and 8 months and I don't particularly want to go to a restaurant with them!

OP it's a shame you have to miss out.

[Bluntness100]

I also think having a baby this young at a birthday meal changes the dynamic totally. In fact to the extent it will all be about the baby. Yes it would be lovely if everyone just got on with it and your baby sat quietly in the pram. But likely you may have to soothe, feed, change, entertain etc. And it will distract everyone. The level of that distraction no one can guess. Babies are seldom predictable.

I don't personally see a problem with her not wanting to have a young infant there, I don't think it's a personal slight, just organise something else and recognise this isn't the time or place to introduce your child to everyone.

[AntCrawley]

Shes an arsehole and a liar.
I wouldnt want her as a friend.

I wouldnt even think of taking my 6 weeks old there, id have just said no or came for desserts and coffee, seen them for an hour while other half walked the baby or wa ssomewhere nearby.

[AntCrawley]

But its the way she worded it.

[darthbreakz]

No one is being unreasonable, it's just that your respective situations make meeting under these circumstances a bit tricky and that's fine - don't go but invite her over for a mini birthday celebration over a cup of tea and a slice of (shop bought) cake.

[Coconutbug]

Lots of things to respond too:

I was polite to her and said not too worry this time round.

I guess I am just so disappointed that it's ANOTHER thing that I'm . I know I will get ostrasticed for that (I do have another child so I appreciate we do have to miss things) it's just happening far too frequently and often missed things previously when I couldn't get childcare for the others.

This group of friends do not have children, some do not want and not currently trying. I agree that you often don't understand things about children if you do not have them - which is fair. I do sometimes feel even though I explain stuff like milk supply etc

I have left him during feeds so I'm not feeling anxious about that. However I have an oversupply at the moment and prone to mastitis, as I wouldn't be able to express for missed feed

[MrsAgassi]

I didn't take my 4 week old to a similar event, fed baby before I left and didn't stay too long. I wouldn't have dreamt of turning my friends birthday meal into a meet the baby event!