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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/11/2019 18:18

She's not a dick, a bell end or any of the other insults people are throwing her way.

crustycrab · 03/11/2019 18:19

No she's not being any of those things. Neither of you ABU

@PlasticPatty why is the op inseparable from the baby? She could go for the meal and leave the baby at home

SoupDragon · 03/11/2019 18:19

I'd rather my friends were honest with me

She's trying to be polite. Lots of people would be offended by someone telling them their baby wasn't welcome. That's obvious by the insults directed towards her on this thread.

isadoradancing123 · 03/11/2019 18:20

Why would a group of women celebrating a birthday want a baby there, especially if none of them have children, it changes the dynamics totally

crustycrab · 03/11/2019 18:21

I don't have to be polite and tiptoe around my friends thank god

Drabarni · 03/11/2019 18:21

YABU it's not a place for your baby. It isn't snub, none of them have kids.
Go round hers for a coffee sometime or invite her to yours.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 18:21

Don't make it awkward for her OP.

She doesn't want you to bring the baby but equally she doesn't want to not invite you.

She's given you a polite invitation and if I were you I'd politely decline it.

There'll be plenty more birthday lunches for you to attend when you're not breastfeeding.

Supersimkin2 · 03/11/2019 18:21

She wants a birthday lunch not a childcare session. So does everyone else. One day you'll get it. Send her a lovely card, and spend the lunch money on a treat for yourself.

Ginger1982 · 03/11/2019 18:22

Could you go for an hour and leave baby at home? Even just have a starter then head home?

Curtainly · 03/11/2019 18:22

I think she is trying to politely say that she doesn't want a baby there. I say 'a' as I doubt it's personally anything against your baby, although I guess she might not want all of the focus on everyone else meeting your new addition. As it's her birthday and it sounds like she has been the one arranging it, I think unfortunately you need to decide whether to go alone (I wouldn't have fancied it at 6 weeks, especially BFing) or not go. Perhaps arrange something soon with everyone?

MollyMorals · 03/11/2019 18:23

I wouldn’t want a baby at my birthday meal. She doesn’t want you to bring the baby.

RolytheRhino · 03/11/2019 18:26

I wouldn't. I would just accept that she doesn't want a baby at her adult birthday meal.

Are we absolutely certain that this is the reason behind what she's said? I think I'd be finding a different friend if one of mine pulled this rubbish so I would be giving her the benefit of the doubt and actually checking that it wasn't misplaced concern about the venue. Realistically, is any attention actually on the 'birthday girl' at an adult birthday gathering? Beyond a 'happy birthday' and a few presents, if that? I would find it difficult to believe that a friend of mine was so unwilling to share attention at her birthday party.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 03/11/2019 18:26

Your friend isn’t being a dick at all, despite what some posters say. She is part of a group that doesn’t have children yet. She wants to go out for a chilled Sunday lunch for her birthday. Let’s face it, before kids lots of people made a bit of a fuss for their own birthdays. She doesn’t want her, possibly boozy, birthday do turning into a everyone meet the baby lunch. I don’t blame her. I have DC and have met and cooed over plenty of friends’ babies but it’s an entirely different dynamic when kids are there, even when they are only 6 weeks old

And those saying that newborns just feed and sleep were bloody lucky. Mine screamed......lots.

TORDEVAN · 03/11/2019 18:27

I think YANBU. Why did she invite you if she didn’t want the baby!

Personally, if you were my friend I’d invite both of you, rather have the baby than not have a friend, and I'd take any excuse to get cuddles 😁

Has she got children?

shiningstar2 · 03/11/2019 18:27

If you haven't seen any of the group since your baby was born I would guess that she is thinking that there will be a lot of fuss around the baby and also a lot of talk about the baby leading on to more talk of babies/births/health visitors ext in general. I'm guessing that if she's child free she was not envisaging this ambiance for her birthday meal. As it's her birthday I suppose she is entitled to call it. On the other hand, of course with an ebf new baby it is perfectly understandable if you can't make it without baby.

Pinkblueberry · 03/11/2019 18:28

The children’s menu isn’t for babies though - it’s for older children, one’s who can sit and eat and talk and be told not to make too much noise if necessary. I’m with your friend on this - also because really she probably doesn’t want the baby there. It does kind of kill the ‘girls out for birthday lunch’ vibe imo and as PP said it’s her special day, not a baby meet and greet.

Quitedrab · 03/11/2019 18:28

YANBU that's horrible.

Wolfiefan · 03/11/2019 18:30

@AllTheUserNamesAreTaken mine screamed too. And vomited!
It’s her birthday. She doesn’t have to want a tiny baby there. Her choice.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 18:30

Has she got children?

No, TORDEVAN, none of them have.

Why did she invite you if she didn’t want the baby!

Because plenty of mothers of 6 week old babies, can nip out for a quick Sunday roast without them.

Also I imagine she was hoping the OP would politely decline, if she can't leave the baby.

EdWinchester · 03/11/2019 18:31

Meh. I wouldn't want a baby at my birthday meal.

My friend brought her baby to my surprise 40th birthday lunch (wasn't asked to and apparently hadn't planned to until the last minute Hmm) - it completely changed the dynamic.

MoreCuddlesForMummy · 03/11/2019 18:33

I’m with @DappledThings - she needs to man Uk and tell you it’s adults only rather than making stuff up. Adults only is fine but if that’s what you want. You need to be clear!

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2019 18:33

Some people have suggested expressing and going. Just to let you know I missed a feed for dd at that age, thought I could do a bottle as I was out and about. What I didn’t realise is that I was in agony with hard boobs and newly formed stretch marks.

I would just sit it out. She doesn’t want the baby there too.

HelloDulling · 03/11/2019 18:34

@PlasticPatty why is the op inseparable from the baby? She could go for the meal and leave the baby at home

This is probably what the birthday person is thinking. But a six week old EBF baby can’t be left for 2-3 hours, especially in the evening. Or at least, neither of mine could.

Pinkblueberry · 03/11/2019 18:34

Why did she invite you if she didn’t want the baby!

Because babies aren’t actually superglued to their mothers Hmm

Pannalash · 03/11/2019 18:34

I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby

Have some posters missed this vital bit of info.