To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

If, OTOH, a new mum just dropped by for half an hour that would be cool to, with or without baby.

DMs have a hard job of it, they need their friends and thankfully most have good friends that wouldn't excluse them but be happy about their baby and welcome them into the group. Why wouldn't you?

Love that , my thoughts exactly @Smotheroffive

It's like, I know you've been in hospital and have trouble walking now but the restaurant's too upmarket for a wheelchair. I mean, technically, it could accommodate you, but it would be awkward to shift the chairs. It would change the dynamic. Of course, you'd be welcome without your wheelchair. Just have a family member carry you in and out. They could wait at the bar while you catch up with your friends. Oh, you don't want to come without your wheelchair? That's your choice. Calling it exclusion or discrimination is ridiculous though! Everyone got the same invitation. Wanting a wheelchair free birthday party is perfectly reasonable. Maybe you and your friend could catch up later, somewhere more downmarket that's more appropriate for you, and you could give her a gift then.

quitedrab

It is disgraceful to compare having a baby to living with a disability.

Why?

Anyone treated in the same discriminatory manner is comparable. Eminently.

Thankfully the law disagrees with you both. Places are welcome to set an over 18s policy. They are not allowed to say people who use wheelchairs cannot attend.

It is incredibly ignorant of the barriers people living with disabilities face to compare it to having baby, which is a) short term and b) Not an impairment which the mother lives with.

Places are welcome to set an over 18s policy.

They can. But this restaurant doesn’t.

Treating anyone this way is the same, regardless of colour, race, physical ability and any other protected characteristics, minority groups.

If you treat someone differently just because of any given 'condition' (pregnancy, baby) thats exclusionary and discriminatory.

Its not about dragging this label of 'disabled' into a comparison. As thats low and grim.

And the law .....is oft an ass

lauriemarlow

That’s relevant to the thread generally but not relevant to the discrete issue that a poster is comparing having a baby to having a disability - which is offensive.

I have to point out strawberry that you are the only one making the actual comparison that disability is the same as having a young dependent.

You insist that others are doing it.

Others, myself included are saying anyone suffering discrimination is being discriminated against, no matter the 'condition' of their life, whether its race, or baby, is disability.

Has that cleared that up for you? I certainly do not think one can compare babies with disabilities.

Having a baby is however very very challenging in terms of the impact on your normal life, and the degree to which it can bring severe health consequences, to baby and dm. To have your friends exclude you in any way as a direct result of having a tiny dependent is discriminating against you and your baby.

Others, myself included are saying anyone suffering discrimination is being discriminated against, no matter the 'condition' of their life, whether its race, or baby, or disability.

Fixed that para.

One poster was saying it, which I reported and it was deleted. They said literally that which is the only reason I came back to the thread.

So @Coconutbug are you going to the lunch in the end? Apologies if I've missed this been scrolling and can't see!

Think your friend is a dick. Doesn’t want a baby there? Unless there is a huge back story she’s being ridiculous

This.

Nothing been deleted as far as I can see, and, if, as you say, you reported it, and it was deleted, why did you feel you needed to bang on about it again?

If noone else has said it, except you now?

Oh, I see you've had a post deleted.

I hadn't taken that from that post at all

What is all this about

Look at the post at 15:04. It’s been deleted. And the only post I have made since it was deleted was to point out you are wrong to say no one was saying it.

I think you x-posted there, but I disagreed anyway with your slant on it.

@JASbbgg no I'm not! As soon as she said that to me I told her not to worry I wouldn't be coming and we'll have to meet up a different time.

For the record, I did NOT say that having a baby was the same as having a disability! The post is deleted (I don't know why), so I can't prove it, but how ridiculous!

It was analogy, I thought it might help people understand the concept of indirect discrimination.

Well, maybe it was a misunderstanding. There's an idea of "short term disability" which just means when you're injured and unable to work. Includes when you've just had a baby. But I think it might be from private insurance and used only outside the UK.

fairygodboss.com/career-topics/short-term-disability-insurance-pregnancy-and-maternity-leave-questions-and-answers

@Coconutbug I don't blame you. Personally I'd make sure I went somewhere even more flash with the baby and check in on Facebook "so lovely here and the staff are so accommodating for babies" 😂