To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

[Celebelly]

Yes as others have said, this is her saying she doesn't want baby there. She just has to realise that means you won't be there either!

[DappledThings]

she doesn’t want her birthday to turn into your meet the baby party, fair enough, and she’s said no

Except she hasn't said no. She's claimed it would be lovely to see OP and baby but is also claiming a venue with a children's menu isn't child friendly. Totally fine to want her birthday to be childfree but she should be honest about it.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

I wouldn't want a baby at my birthday meal either.
Arrange to see her another time.

[StrawberryGoo]

I would invite the baby if it were me because I love babies and wouldn’t mind the attention not being on me but everyone is different. She’s totally not being unreasonable not to want the baby there.

I don’t understand why people are saying a 6 week old does nothing. My 6 week old was incredibly fractious. Wouldn’t be put down and frequently screamed uncontrollably. Newborns don’t all sleep quietly all day sadly.

[crustycrab]

I'd tell her. I'd say I'd checked and the restaurant is fine with babies but that I completely understand if she doesn't want a baby at her birthday.

[IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory]

How can you be unreasonable to be told something?

[AlpacaGoodnight]

Agree with others, if there is a children's menu your baby will be welcome. She is telling you she doesn't want your baby there and as your baby is EBF it sounds like she doesn't want you there either, unless she is totally cluess to what that means!

[ExecutiveFiat]

It’s simple she doesn’t want a baby at her birthday meal. Her choice.

[ferntwist]

YANBU. Totally thoughtless of her to expect you to not bring you exclusively breastfed new baby because it’s what she reckons is an upmarket place. If she was really posh she wouldn’t give a damn. There’s something wrong with our society the way we ostracise nursing mothers. Your baby will probably be snoozing or feeding cuddled up. If baby cries, big deal, you can pop out.

[greeentopmilk]

Your friend is being a dick and probably just being very precious about her birthday.

I would reply and say

"The restaurant has a children's menu so I think they would be ok with children being there. If it's that you'd rather not have the baby come along let me know and I will have to sit this one out as s/he's too young to be left yet"

Leave it upto her. She is being unreasonable not you. A baby that age won't change the dynamic of the meal. Most likely will sleep and feed and have a cuddle with a few people. If she's being jealous over a baby being at 'her' meal she needs to grow up and decide what's more important.

[RolytheRhino]

I'd say I'd checked and the restaurant is fine with babies but that I completely understand if she doesn't want a baby at her birthday.

This, but I would actually check with the place prior to saying I had.

[coconuttelegraph]

I'm not exactly sure what your AIBU is

You can want to go and she can want not to have newborns at a fancy restaurant meal, neither is unreasonable

If by fancy and upmarket you mean expensive as a customer I'd prefer not to have prams around the tables, how much space is there? My heart would sink if I was given a table next to a pram and a small baby and I say that as a parent myself

[PhannyPharts]

I don't think she's being a dick she's just trying to politely make an excuse for you not to bring your baby to her birthday meal. Not everyone is good with delivering honesty and hide behind excuses.

I love children but if I was on a girls lunch I might just want it to be me and my friends without the distractions.

Presumably as she's your friend you like each other. Politely decline if you don't want to go or can't without your newborn.

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

She doesn’t want a baby at her birthday mean, nothing wrong with that. It WILL change the dynamic.

It’s her birthday ffs, just sit this one out.....

[Yestermo]

Does your friend have kids?
If so she might be looking forward to a child free evening
If not she might be struggling with not having children.
Do you reckon you could leave the baby for just the meal or a drink. I left all if my BF babies at 6 weeks for a little night out to save my sanity!

[ExecutiveFiat]

I wouldn’t want a baby in a fancy restaurant, birthday or not! The other customers will be pissed off. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your baby. If you’re dickish enough to bring your baby, despite the fact that you know your friend doesn’t want it, then I think you can forget about invitations in the future.

[MissBax]

She's a bell end

[MsPotterPepper]

A baby that age won't change the dynamic of the meal. Most likely will sleep and feed and have a cuddle with a few people

Rubbish. A baby absolutely will change the dynamic. Babies also shit, have loud wind, cry, vomit etc.

[Soubriquet]

Yeah she wants you but not your baby

Which is fine. Her birthday, she’s probably expecting to drink a few drinks and not have to coo over a new baby.

Apologise and say you can’t make it but would love to meet up to some other time

[PicaK]

I think it's easy to forget just how much stuff about babies you don't know when you don't have one yourself. I'm guilty of that in the past.
So asking to leave baby at home for a few hours seems perfectly reasonable to her and you saying you're bringing baby would seem unreasonable.
Of course what she's asking is daft because who expresses and risks messing up their milk supply when it's unnecessary. Who would leave their 6 week old baby if they don't want to and it'll make you anxious. (Different story if you do).
Write back and say you're really sorry, baby can't be left for long periods atm because of breastfeeding - so you can't come without. Wish her a super time.
Wait it out for several years and be super smug when she has kids of her own and it dawns on her what a muppet she was.

[Jollitwiglet]

She simply doesn't want your baby there. I don't think she is unreasonable for this. Just as you're not unreasonable for wanting to take your baby and turning down the invitation if you can't.

If your friendship group doesn't have any other babies she may have visions of the baby crying constantly and someone always having to tend to the baby and endless crappy nappies. Or selfishly, she may just want to keep the attention on her.

[SoupDragon]

I'd say I'd checked and the restaurant is fine with babies but that I completely understand if she doesn't want a baby at her birthday.

I wouldn't. I would just accept that she doesn't want a baby at her adult birthday meal.

[Molly2010]

Yeah you’re going to have to read between the lines here OP.
Either go without baby or decline.

[PlasticPatty]

She doesn't understand that you and the baby are inseparable at this stage. Further, she doesn't want to understand.

Don't go. There's no contest. Who matters most? Her or your baby? There now. No problem.

[crustycrab]

@SoupDragon I'd rather my friends were honest with me and I'd rather they know that I'm well aware I'm some people don't want babies around at times but that they can just say that without offending me