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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

739 replies

Coconutbug · 03/11/2019 17:30

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

OP posts:
pooboobsleeprepeat · 03/11/2019 19:20

Yanbu! I think this says a lot about your future friendship.
I wouldn’t arrange something with her if I was you. Wait if she ever gets in contact to meet your child. Is she a best friend?

OnlineShopping · 03/11/2019 19:21

This is my second child and no one has seen her for I don't know how long. The last experience I had of inviting the girls over, every time my daughter spoke, understandably interupting conversation at points they kept saying 'ssh, be quiet, were talking etc' and didn't try to engage with her atall.

Your friends have made it clear that they don’t like children, or your children, so I don’t think it’s surprising that your baby isn’t invited. She probably thought she was being polite in not saying the truth because a lot of people get offended when told what people think of their children and/or their children being there.

Sometimes you do drift away from those who had been good friends and it sounds like this is the case here. It’s not a reflection on any of you, it’s just you are at different stages of your lives.

GirlOnIt · 03/11/2019 19:22

Op, are these close friends?
Because I honestly can’t imagine any of my close friends not seeing my baby for six weeks. My best friends were there the day after Ds was born.
I don’t get the Mumsnet view that your friends don’t have to like or make allowances for your kids though. Good friendships change over time and good friends support each other through those changes. If my friends didn’t realise having my Dc changes some things (I’m also the only one with Dc) and if they didn’t seem to care about them at all, then I don’t think we’d stay friends. One of my best friends since primary, hated children and babies. But says my Ds is the exception and she spoils him more than any of the others, although she won’t change his nappy or be left alone with him. She panicked when I left her with him in the pram to go to the toilet once.

I’m talking about close friends here, I’ve work friends and other groups whom don’t really ask about Ds and I wouldn’t expect them to consider my children at all. But my close friends its different and I know when/if they have children, I’d love them because I love my friends.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 19:22

However I think I would feel less offended if she said I'd prefer it to be child free rather than blaming it on the venue, considering it is a Sunday afternoon.

She was trying to be polite OP.

And to be honest, you don't sound like the sort of person who takes a hint very well.

ExecutiveFiat · 03/11/2019 19:23

Maybe they’re bored rigid with you talking about breastfeeding and supply, and other such fascinating subjects.Nobody likes baby bores!

coconuttelegraph · 03/11/2019 19:23

I'm not sure which posts you're referring to purpleartichoke but I don't think the method of feeding the baby is the issue here is it?

From what the OP has said the baby isn't welcome fullstop. It's not to do with breastfeeding.

RedPanda2 · 03/11/2019 19:24

I've sent similar messages before. She doesn't want the baby there but won't say it as it seems unkind.

Iggi999 · 03/11/2019 19:24

I love the idea that mentioning a baby makes you a bore. I listen to friends talk about their work, their work colleagues, their commute to work, their drains, their pets, their last holiday - these are not necessarily riveting either. But friends take turns and share their lives - in moderation! - with eachother. They sound like fair weather friends.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 03/11/2019 19:25

YABU. I know that my DS at that age would have screamed the place down and it would not be fair on the other diners. Her party her rules.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 03/11/2019 19:26

At 6 wks old I wouldn't have been oart d with any of mine. I don't know many mother's who would, especially breastfeeding ones.

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2019 19:26

It’s clear many of the people on this board have no idea of the realities of breastfeeding

That's I suspect quite wrong. But understanding breast feeding realities doesn't also make one unaware of etiquette.

If the host wishes a child free birthday lunch at an upmarket venue, then there is nothing wrong with this. Just like it's ok to say you can't bring your husband because he gets anxious without you, or you can't bring your teenagers because you've no child care.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 03/11/2019 19:26

Arse to the random apostrophe

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 03/11/2019 19:27

What a twat your friend is (disclaimer: haven't read the whole thread for some massive drip-feed, I'm just going by your op).

TheMistressQuickly · 03/11/2019 19:28

None of them have kids so won’t understand. Put you and your baby first.

GirlOnIt · 03/11/2019 19:29

Maybe they’re bored rigid with you talking about breastfeeding and supply, and other such fascinating subjects.Nobody likes baby bores!

With that thinking is friendship only for the good fun times? @ExecutiveFiat
What about the ‘illness bore’ ‘family problems bore’ ‘relationship bore’ ‘work bore’. I care about my friends and their lives and I want to know what’s going on with them, even if it’s not all sunshine’s and rainbows.

Plus the Op’s friends haven’t even seen the 6 week old, so how are they bored of baby talk.

wondering7777 · 03/11/2019 19:29

they kept saying 'ssh, be quiet, were talking etc

Wow! Shock I wouldn’t dream of telling my friends’ kids to shush (even if I was thinking it). It’s not a friend’s place.

misspiggy19 · 03/11/2019 19:32

Op, are these close friends?
Because I honestly can’t imagine any of my close friends not seeing my baby for six weeks. My best friends were there the day after Ds was born. I don’t get the Mumsnet view that your friends don’t have to like or make allowances for your kids though.

^This. I don’t think these people are really your friends.

ELM8 · 03/11/2019 19:35

Does it really matter whether she blamed the venue or just said she doesn't want a baby there? The end result is the same. I think she was probably just trying to be tactful rather than being a dick.

TheMistressQuickly · 03/11/2019 19:36

misspiggy19

Op, are these close friends?
Because I honestly can’t imagine any of my close friends not seeing my baby for six weeks. My best friends were there the day after Ds was born. I don’t get the Mumsnet view that your friends don’t have to like or make allowances for your kids though.

Exactly this. They sound selfish

BillieEilish · 03/11/2019 19:41

Oh Lord, I breastfed my DD, easily left her at 6 weeks and she is now 11. Finally I can do more or less what I want and when I want and ENJOY posh meals out.

I would be SO pissed off if I went for a posh lunch and a baby rocked up.

I actually wouldn't go, it is painful with a precious thick skinned sort (which is how you are coming across) I also really don't enjoy eating watching breastfeeding and spit up/vomit/rushing to change a nappy/crying/the smells etc It is not relaxing at all. Unless your baby.

As a PP said a childrens menu is for children that eat food, it is not for babies.

This is not about you, it is about your friend and her birthday.

You can go on your own or you cannot go and stay with your baby.

BillieEilish · 03/11/2019 19:44

Your friend does not deserve to be insulted on a public forum like this just for not wanting a baby at her adult posh birthday lunch. FFS.

Ginger1982 · 03/11/2019 19:45

"Op, are these close friends?
Because I honestly can’t imagine any of my close friends not seeing my baby for six weeks. My best friends were there the day after Ds was born. "

Having a baby actually made me realise that I had no best friends. I would say that some of the people I thought were good friends at the time have only now become better friends because they themselves have subsequently had kids.

JenetteFranky · 03/11/2019 19:47

Can’t believe you’d even consider taking your baby- you sound really self involved

Potnoodledoo · 03/11/2019 19:48

Maybe your friend wants a good old piss up and a pub crawl.And she cant do that if you bring the baby,

The invite mentioned only you.So either go by yourself or dont go.

Babies do change the dynamic and i dont understand calling the other friends "bitches" just because they dont want a baby at an adult meal.If i turned up and seen a baby i would be annoyed.I go out to get away from my own kids.

Karwomannghia · 03/11/2019 19:50

It’ll be very different when she has a baby. Leave her out then and tell her to get on with it on her own. I don’t understand the majority view on here at all. Friends are supposed to be interested in each other’s lives even if they’re at different stages and you know, be nice to each other. I hope you have other more understanding friends, OP.