Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 31 32

Original poster

CoatZilla and the Barbour Boy- The Second Saga

792 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:09

Hey everyone!

Bloody hell, in all my years of MNing I've never had a response like this, I was really helped by loads of your replies, and loads made me giggle (Roast Potatoes!!) and loads made good points.

I'm sorry I can't reply to specific posts but seriously there's so many.

or for everyone who replied and is sticking with me.

So on to the update.....

CoatZilla, henceforth to be known as CZ, text again last night....

Here it is word for word.
mate, your obviously upset and that was never my intention. I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. I think it's better we let the dust settle for tonight in honesty. Probably best to have a calm conversation tomorrow evening?

My reply....
Yeah tomorrow evening much better I think

And she didn't come back last night (good!)

So she's made a mistake anyway......cos Dad was actually out last night ! So we'll all be sitting there when she comes back.

My plan is, to write a list of bullet points for tonight of things she definitely said, so I can't forget and she can't back out of it or claim she didn't say it (I also remembered another bit in the fucking row- where she went "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" in that tone of voice- fucking horrible)

Also to sit calmly and let her explain to my lovely Dad and DP that she thinks they might have maliciously cut her coat.

Then see what she says!

TBH unless she fucking grovels on her knees (not likely after that fucking last text- minimization or what??) I'm going to be asking her to pack her stuff.

I'm not being "spurred on by hysterical posters"

I have read all the replies, some have opened my eyes, some have been excusing, some have told me not to rock the friendship boat....overall I have taken a middle(ish) ground.....but tbh it's clear she is
a) weird/horrible enough to think that of her oldest friend and her family
b) fucking vicious in a row
c) now backtracking massively

So....thoughts???

And again for the troll hunters in the back......my username currently is always "LanaKanesomething", and I've had various other names going back years.....so bloody well report me and see what MN has to say, yeah?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Potnoodledoo · 29/10/2019 11:11

Shes backpeddling.She knew damn well what she said.I wouldnt even bother her with a coversation.

I would just have her stuff packed and ready to go.

Hollyivywillow · 29/10/2019 11:12

By all means have a conversation OP but please don’t treat this as a soap opera for a captive MN audience.

SilverOtter · 29/10/2019 11:13

Yeah she is definitely trying to turn it on you to wriggle out of it. Next it'll be that she's trying to smooth things over and you won't let it go, I bet you!

But seriously, how did she THINK a conversation where she was accusing you of deliberately damaging her coat would go?!

katewhinesalot · 29/10/2019 11:14

Actually I read that text as more conciliatory than you. You've inferred she's back tracking.
She said she didn't see it going that way.

Wait till you tonight. Don't go in all guns blazing. Just let her speak then decide how you react based on that.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 29/10/2019 11:14

I think that throwing the cheeky bitch out is your best bet op and also think that having your bullet points will come in handy also...just make sure that when she does come back you've all eaten and theres an amazing smell from the kitchen BUT she cant have anything dont even make her a drink ...especially after the roast potatoes
I cant believe hows shes trying to minimize it now and basically call you a liar saying she never said that...a good few gins for you later op .

Winterdaysarehere · 29/10/2019 11:14

I posted that she was expecting more offers of accommodation after slating you.. She knows she has overstayed her welcome and was lining up another mug, sorry - friend.. It hasn't happened so is back peddling to stay with you and still be able to galavant off out and buy new clothes. Instead of paying her bloody way!

Lhastingsmua · 29/10/2019 11:15

To be honest yes she is backtracking but that’s not necessarily a bad thing if she apologises and doesn’t gaslight you re the conversation yesterday. Do you want to maintain the friendship or not? Have her leave now or not?

I mean she said: I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. so I think it’s a sign that she regrets her behaviour and doesn’t want to continue rowing but you’re still furious.

If you have made your mind up about kicking her out then fair enough. But if you still care about her, I think 3 v 1 (even if your dad & husband are calm/quiet throughout) could be seen as intimidating/an ambush.

Preparingfor · 29/10/2019 11:15

Oh god I don't know now. It would be so awful to throw away 17 years of friendship but....I would hear her out but she would have to be wracked with guilt and remorse for me to get past it in all honesty.

Ignore the stupid troll people xx

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 29/10/2019 11:15

I would change your locks today too so she can't get in unless let in .

mummmy2017 · 29/10/2019 11:15

I think she thinks she is better than you.
Her texts are orders to you, that she expects you to obey, like some naughty child.
She now thinks you will roll over.

mummmy2017 · 29/10/2019 11:16

The test cuts to me are her worse betrayal.

Cherrysoup · 29/10/2019 11:17

She is, as pp said, back-pedalling massively. A ghost did it? Hmm, clear accusation here. I think be very calm, no emotion if poss.

BreatheAndFocus · 29/10/2019 11:17

I’d ask her to leave. I’d do it in a “it’ll be best for us both” kind of way, if you’re feeling ambivalent and/or want some chance of maintaining your friendship.

I didn’t comment on your first thread but it sounds to me she’s aware she’s not paying her fair share, feels guilty so tried to transfer that to you and make you out to be resentful - so leading to the infamous coat allegation.

I definitely wouldn’t want her staying any longer. If she regretted flying off the handle like that, she’d have apologised not minimised things.

MissEliza · 29/10/2019 11:17

Yes Mummy17. She's telling the Op what to do and Op is expected to obey. It's not a healthy friendship.

Whiskers14 · 29/10/2019 11:17

Actually I read that text as more conciliatory than you. You've inferred she's back tracking. She said she didn't see it going that way.

I might've agreed with you, katewhinesalot, until I read OP's update where she's remembered Coatzilla said "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" during the row. It's pretty clear that far from CZ thinking the row would 'go that way', she actually went nuclear at OP from the off and now she's trying to gaslight her because she realises she might lose her cushy lodgings.

Preparingfor · 29/10/2019 11:17

Yes actually the test cuts.....that's fairly cold blooded

AskMeHow · 29/10/2019 11:17

I note she hasn't apologised for what she said, just "I'm sorry we argued". It wasn't an argument though was it, it was her accusing you and your family of underhand behaviour and you trying to defend yourself. Gaslighting and trying to backtrack.

ScrumpyBetty · 29/10/2019 11:18

I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up

What did she expect? She accused you and your family members of maliciously cutting her coat, for no foreseeable reason and after months of kindness from you all...and she expected what? That you would apologise and offer to pay for a new coat?

timshelthechoice · 29/10/2019 11:18

I think it's total overkill and dramatic. The bottom line is she's ripping the piss out of you by living there costing you money when you're on the bones of your arse and you plan to let her as you're 'softy' and 'lovely'. She'll grovel for that because she knows you're a mug she can keep playing. Probably laughing at you behind your back because, well, you know she badmouths you behind your back already, she's told you.

Utterly ridiculous to do a big sit down and bullet points.

You are paying out to keep her there in extra bills and she's eating food you can barely afford.

She'll drop you like a hot brick once she's bought the place, she already has! You said so yourself, she doesn't invite you out anywhere with these supposedly mutual friends and you know at least two of them are snobs who look down on you.

You're still letting her push you around.

Original poster

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:18

I'm not treating it as a soap opera. (not snarky- genuinely !)

I'm treating it exactly as I should IMO......I've been on MN for years and I know how shit goes down.....happy to keep helpful people updated/ nice to have support/it's kept me from starting to think it was my fault- which I would have done if I'd just stewed on it in my own head.

I needed sense- plus the funny replies- plus support- this IMO is exactly what MN is good at.

OP posts:

ThreeLittleDots · 29/10/2019 11:19

I wouldn't show her that you've made a list of bullet points, she'll try to turn it back round on you - just do this for yourself and make a mental note of what she said.

In a way I think the ship has sailed. She won't make a grovelling apology. You need to give her notice.

diddl · 29/10/2019 11:19

Well sorry to add to the pile in, but she's no friend imo.

You're giving it all too much thought.

The jacket has been other places/been worn yet her first thought is that it happened at your place.

And deliberately!

If it's always hanging up when there, the likelihood of damage is slim to zero I would have thought.

That aside, even if it did happen at your place, it can be repaired & the cost/inconvenience is easily offset by what you have done for her.

BlueChangeling · 29/10/2019 11:20

Could it be that the person she stayed with last night as made it clear that she won't be able to stay with them long term and thats why she is back peddling?

Apolloanddaphne · 29/10/2019 11:20

To be honest I think that no matter what she says tonight she really needs to be moving on to stay elsewhere. Listen to what she has to say but of you want her to move on be clear about this. You might be able to salvage something of your friendship this way.

Winterdaysarehere · 29/10/2019 11:20

Suggest as you can't guarantee the safety of her clothing /personal belongings it would be best if she moved her and her stuff out today.
And that you have a priest coming to bless your house tonight!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 31 32