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Original poster

CoatZilla and the Barbour Boy- The Second Saga

792 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:09

Hey everyone!

Bloody hell, in all my years of MNing I've never had a response like this, I was really helped by loads of your replies, and loads made me giggle (Roast Potatoes!!) and loads made good points.

I'm sorry I can't reply to specific posts but seriously there's so many.

Wine Brew Cake or Gin for everyone who replied and is sticking with me.

So on to the update.....

CoatZilla, henceforth to be known as CZ, text again last night....

Here it is word for word.
mate, your obviously upset and that was never my intention. I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. I think it's better we let the dust settle for tonight in honesty. Probably best to have a calm conversation tomorrow evening?

My reply....
Yeah tomorrow evening much better I think

And she didn't come back last night (good!)

So she's made a mistake anyway......cos Dad was actually out last night ! So we'll all be sitting there when she comes back.

My plan is, to write a list of bullet points for tonight of things she definitely said, so I can't forget and she can't back out of it or claim she didn't say it (I also remembered another bit in the fucking row- where she went "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" in that tone of voice- fucking horrible)

Also to sit calmly and let her explain to my lovely Dad and DP that she thinks they might have maliciously cut her coat.

Then see what she says!

TBH unless she fucking grovels on her knees (not likely after that fucking last text- minimization or what??) I'm going to be asking her to pack her stuff.

I'm not being "spurred on by hysterical posters"

I have read all the replies, some have opened my eyes, some have been excusing, some have told me not to rock the friendship boat....overall I have taken a middle(ish) ground.....but tbh it's clear she is
a) weird/horrible enough to think that of her oldest friend and her family
b) fucking vicious in a row
c) now backtracking massively

So....thoughts???

And again for the troll hunters in the back......my username currently is always "LanaKanesomething", and I've had various other names going back years.....so bloody well report me and see what MN has to say, yeah?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AFairlyHardAvocado · 29/10/2019 11:41

@fazakerleyjackie

Barbourella is fucking inspired!

ScreamingLadySutch · 29/10/2019 11:42

Please be kind, OP

Wonkybanana · 29/10/2019 11:43

OP she may have been lovely to you in the past, but it sounds like she's moving on. Maybe now she has a Masters, a good job and other friends she's decided, for whatever reason, that she's better than you. So you need to stop holding on to what she used to be, the person you all loved and valued, assess who she is now and decide on a response accordingly.

Remember ( not that you're likely to forget) just what she said - that the cut was deliberate, done on your house. Now she's certainly realised what she's throwing away - a very cheap place to stay - but she's re-writing history. She didn't see the conversation going that way? Given what she said, what other way could the conversation have gone? Unless she means she expected to say her piece and you'd meekly apologise and cough up for a new jacket.

And she can't claim that this was a sudden moment of madness. She's sat on it for a week, discussed it with other friends, and even done tests on someone else's coat. That's not a temporary aberration, that's calculated.

I'm not sure this can be rescued. It may not be the end of the friendship, but I don't think it can ever be the same again, and I don't think living under the same roof would work with any new dynamic. Oddly, her moving out might be the best chance of the friendship surviving in some form.

highheelsandwitcheshats · 29/10/2019 11:43

Barbourella is fucking inspired

THIS

TheITCloud · 29/10/2019 11:43

I agree with PPs that you can’t afford to keep subsidising her anyway.

There is a chance that she is going to turn up tonight hoping that you are still happy to spend your family money on her share of the bills and food while she goes out with friends and buys unnecessarily expensive clothing.

KindOranges · 29/10/2019 11:45

then I'd just be asking her to leave, in the 'it'd be better for both of us' vein. Try not to lose your cool - just state the facts and leave the hard work up to her.

Yes, that's how I'd play it if she doesn't apologise in a heartfelt way that satisfies you. (Actually, I'd be asking her to leave, either way, I think, but that's your call, OP. I would find it utterly miserable to share houseroom with someone who was capable of such aggressive mistrust and accusation.)

Jayaywhynot · 29/10/2019 11:45

Good luck, shes crackers, I'm far too invested in what happens next! Be careful she doesn't accuse you all of ganging up on her, I'd have DP & DD in another room and tell her to leave, good luck Flowers

SandAndSea · 29/10/2019 11:47

I think her last message seems a step nearer to normal.

However, I don't like the way it always seems to be her calling the shots and you fitting in. It's also not a proper apology. That might come though.

I hope that you can repair the friendship, but personally, I wouldn't want her to continue living with me. You could continue being friends without living together. And actually, this would be a good test of the friendship - I mean, would you still see each other if she wasn't living with you? (If not, then, at least you know.)

I think you need to decide what you want. Forget what she might want or say and forget anyone on here. Ask yourself what you would like now and work from there.

I think your work now is to move towards some kind of peaceful resolution, for yourself and your family.

5LeafClover · 29/10/2019 11:47

The ghost comment would bother me because she spoke with contempt and that is a game changer.

Arguments can get heated about facts but contempt takes it outside that. Your word that you didn't and wouldn't touch her coat should have been enough. It wasn't. Then, she used contempt to reinforce that point. No one knows what kind of hurty feels she has about her life, the damaged coat or her friends but nothing gives her the right to treat you as a verbal punch bag.

ChrisPrattsFace · 29/10/2019 11:48

Maybe it WAS a ghost?

HoliBobber · 29/10/2019 11:48

The fact she bought the coat is somewhat weird given that she has to live with you.

Btw you do not have signs of moths do you?! They can 'cut' clothes in a straight line. This happened to a jacket of mine. Just a thought.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/10/2019 11:48

Sounds like the consequences of her actions are coming home to roost and she's starting to realise she's been a complete twat and what she stands to lose if she continues down this path - best case scenario

She'll gaslight you, to try and make you think you've over reacted and actually she's no friend of yours and just using you - worst case scenario

ForeverFaff · 29/10/2019 11:48

So, I like to imagine I am the other side for threads like this. Here's my take. I'll speak as if I'm coatzilla:

Omg....there's a cut on my coat! I bet it was OPs kid. Can't just accuse him though, that would be shitty. I'll do some tests, so when I approach OP I have a bit of 'proof' so I don't just look like I'm imagining it.
argument happens
Well, if she can't even acknowledge that the kid is the likely party here, she must know it wasn't him, and if she knows that, she knows who DID do it.
My logic stands, and as she has taken against me, I am wronged and will stay away.

3luckystars · 29/10/2019 11:50

Stick to three things:

*you accused my family of damaging your coat
*you upset me and walked out without apologising
*you need to move out

STICK TO THREE THINGS. She will be throwing crazy stuff in to the mix, but stick to this argument and your 3 points. Dont go off topic even if you remember other things. Say very very little.

Write down your 3 important points and STICK TO THEM. Good luck.

NewName73 · 29/10/2019 11:51

please don’t treat this as a soap opera for a captive MN audience.

This ^

OP is being weird & obsessive about this argument, & lots of posts on here trying to fuel the fire. Not healthy.

Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:51

PJs what lovely posts Flowers thank you.

I'm not sure we're lovely, honestly, we're just a bunch of weirdos, but we always stick together, have done since Dad got ill, but we're not fucking perfect.

She has family issues as well- but both her Dad and Mum are lovely, but she didn't have the best start in life.

Ity's just so weird that she pulled all this out the bag, and the more of peoples opinions I have read the more I realise she is taking the piss anyway.....like it being pointed out that she could have done a fucking food shop when she knew we only had £30- it literally never occurred to me cos she "buys her own food" then still eats my cooking anyway.

It's become less just about the coat, and more about the general air of taking the piss out of us.

When it's laid down to you in B&W it's amazing how you see it.

I

OP posts:
HoliBobber · 29/10/2019 11:51

A waistcoat I should say. Sorry probably not remotely helpful.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 29/10/2019 11:55

You said you have mutual friends and she doesn’t invite you out with them, OP. Have you noticed if they’ve started acting differently towards you? Are they contacting you less or seeming a bit off with you when you do meet? I’m just wondering if she’s playing the long game here and trying to Wendy you.

Maybe she thought she had done such a good job of acting the victim to your ‘bullying, treating her badly, whatever’, that one of her other friends would feel sorry for her and let her move in. When that backfired because the ones that were egging her on suddenly made it plain that wasn’t going to happen, she’s panicked and realised she only has you, but she still needs to look like a victim in front of her friends.

ThreeLittleDots · 29/10/2019 11:56

It's become less just about the coat, and more about the general air of taking the piss out of us

Yeah, reading as an outsider, she's trampling all over you as if she things she's better than you.

Marching orders! Don't put your poor father through a 'scene'.

ForeverFaff · 29/10/2019 11:56

@NewName73 would you really, honestly not have your thoughts occupied by this sort of behaviour from a friend and roommate!? I find the expectation that a human would just somehow robotically pack it away in her mind and be some kind of Mr Spock about it weird tbh.

Original poster
LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 29/10/2019 11:56

Oh and this is so fast moving that I can't name check/ direct quote/ reply to everyone.....I'm reading all of your thoughts, and will try and reply Gin

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 29/10/2019 11:56

I think 3luckystar's advice is wise; I'd go with those three points too.

incognitomum · 29/10/2019 11:57

Best of luck with the chat. You're a good friend to give her the time to apologise but doubt she will.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/10/2019 11:58

I think I'd also use the discussion to to reassess some issues with the living situation (if you decide to let her stay), such as food etc.

Sotiredbutcannotsleep · 29/10/2019 12:00

I wonder if the friend is on MN too and saw this thread last night....