Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want visitors?

281 replies

AnnetteJones · 14/10/2019 19:58

Gave birth to a little girl last Friday. We are happy and healthy, DP is being a saviour. I’m still sore from the delivery so have informed friends & fam but don’t really want them to see us yet.

Had a snarky comment from lady in the next bed who has had a few visitors and said that she is just glad people care enough to come/are excited about her new arrival

Parents & siblings do seem a bit hurt that I have not given them a date to visit but of course they will meet her eventually!

Aibu?!

OP posts:
RedLeafWreath · 14/10/2019 20:00

TBH it's only going to get worse... see them in hospital because they can be kicked out and you are not expected to make tea/lunch.

StoneofDestiny · 14/10/2019 20:02

Well, most people in hospital are in pain! You e got something to show for the pain - many haven't. Your choice, but odd.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 14/10/2019 20:03

Well I can never understand not allowing close family to see the baby for days after birth, it’s a weird way to treat family Imo.

Would an hours visit really hurt? You don’t have to do anything for them and in hospital you have visiting hours to stick to anyway so they can’t over stay the welcome.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 14/10/2019 20:04

You're both happy and healthy, can I ask why you're still in hospital? I was for a week but DS had a few issues. I had DS just before midnight and had visitors at lunch time the next day, visiting started at eleven but I said I wanted a shower first and they didn't take my catheter out until eleven. People don't stay as long when they visit in hospital get it done now. Also being in hospital was really boring, I liked having visitors they also brought me snacks.

Lazypuppy · 14/10/2019 20:04

I think its really odd, i don't understand why youbwouldn't want close family/friends especially to visit. Everyone is excited

Windydaysuponus · 14/10/2019 20:05

You may be sore but they aren't coming to look over your fanjo!!
Imo be glad and appreciative folks want to see your gorgeous baby!!

CAG12 · 14/10/2019 20:05

A visit in hospital would be ideal. You literally just have to be in bed if you want to.

When you get home you'll have to function as an adult 😂

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 20:05

I’d be really sad if my sister or child behaved like that. I’d respect their decision and I wouldn’t show it.

Obviously it’s totally up to you though.

Sallyseagull · 14/10/2019 20:06

It is up to you but what about a compromise like the one I had and had visitors on my terms and stated that I was only up to visitors for an hour max each time as I was knackered from the entire thing.

AloeVeraLynn · 14/10/2019 20:06

Don't you want people to meet the new baby? I do find it a bit odd. I'm one of those who like space after giving birth and prefer short visits where people pop in, see baby and scoot off but even I find it strange that you haven't let anyone see her and seemingly have no plans to.
Are you doing okay besides the physical pain?

ohmysoul · 14/10/2019 20:07

OP I did the same when I had dd. Looking back I really wish I'd asked people to the hospital and definitely will with dc2.

Original poster
AnnetteJones · 14/10/2019 20:09

I have a little one aged 3 as well so DP has his work cut out looking after both.. He has nursery full time so it has been full on ferrying him back, looking after LG & me

LG is jaundiced and I had HG with preg so classed as “ high risk ”

Mil will pop in tomorrow now I think

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/10/2019 20:11

Of course your family are hurt.

I'm about to be a grandma for the first time. I, my other daughter and the rest of our small family are incredibly excited and full of love for the pregnant one and her husband. I was talking to my SIL at the weekend and we were saying how incredible it all is- and how surprised we are at the instinctive connection we feel with this as yet unborn child who is going to be part of our family and will have part of our genetic make up.

I can't imagine how we'd feel if we weren't even allowed a ten minute visit to meet the new member of our family at some point within the first few days. I'm desperate to get things right and I absolutely don't want to interfere or outstay my welcome. But I'd be sad if my daughter had so little empathy that she wouldn't be aware of how much we care about the new member of our family.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 14/10/2019 20:11

The only visitor I had was SIL and my elder DC. Normal (albeit fast labour). Because my full term baby was in NICU with Sepsis, I was terrified, no clue what was going on and SIL has been a NICU nurse for years, I wanted and needed her input, expertise and comfort, even though we’re not actually that close.

I could barely deal with people asking questions via text let alone to my fucking face.

brummiesue · 14/10/2019 20:12

God why are people so precious on here! People only want to pop in to meet baby, not every in-law /sister/friend wants to stay and take over for hours which seems to happen an absurd amount on here...just let them see the baby, you will have all the time in the world together once the novelty of a new baby wears offHmm

CalmdownJanet · 14/10/2019 20:12

It's up to you, nobody can really say yabu, you see it here all the time, people want time to bond/recover/family time but in real life, to me, it's odd, I have never seen it done and unless there was a very traumatic birth or something wrong I'd think it a little precious but I'd say nothing

hopityhopity · 14/10/2019 20:14

I never wanted visitors in hospital, besides partner and other children.

OrangeSlices998 · 14/10/2019 20:15

Your baby, you choose whether to have visitors or not! I think hospital and visiting hours give you a structure and they won’t overstay their welcome if that’s what you’re worried about but really it’s your baby not some family commodity they’re entitled to come and hold.

@saraclara ‘the pregnant one’ - what an awful dehumanising way to describe your daughter in law! I’d hate to hear my MIL refer to me like that.

OrangeSlices998 · 14/10/2019 20:16

Daughter not daughter in law

formerbabe · 14/10/2019 20:16

Depends on what relatives surely?

Grandparents and siblings? I think it's hurtful not to allow them to visit assuming you get on and there's no dreadful family dramas.

Second cousins? They can wait!

PinkiOcelot · 14/10/2019 20:17

I can’t understand this attitude at all. You’d be well pissed off if people thought stuff it, were not going to bother.
Get a grip. You’re not the only woman to be sore after having a baby. Women have been doing it for years! You’re really not that special.

subwaysaladfan · 14/10/2019 20:17

I find it odd on here when I see posts like this, in real life I don't know anyone precious enough to ban family and friends from visiting a newborn baby. Be a different story if your blissful life came crashing down and you needed all these people's support. Confused

Morgan12 · 14/10/2019 20:19

Yes YABU.

Let your family see your baby ffs! If any of my sons do this to me when they have children I'd be heartbroken. As I'm sure you would be it your DD does it to you.

Silvercatowner · 14/10/2019 20:21

If any of my sons do this to me when they have children I'd be heartbroken.

I quite agree.

AudacityOfHope · 14/10/2019 20:22

Of course it's up to you.

But what always baffles me when people make this choice is the seeming lack of understanding that your children will have relationships with all of these people that are separate to the one you have with them. Don't you want that to begin at the beginning of their life?

I don't know anyone in real life who would do this. My parents would have been really devastated and confused by it. As a family, we show up for each other all the time, big things and small. I can't imagine excluding them from such a huge occasion in my life.