Not to want visitors?

[AnnetteJones]

Gave birth to a little girl last Friday. We are happy and healthy, DP is being a saviour. I’m still sore from the delivery so have informed friends & fam but don’t really want them to see us yet.

Had a snarky comment from lady in the next bed who has had a few visitors and said that she is just glad people care enough to come/are excited about her new arrival

Parents & siblings do seem a bit hurt that I have not given them a date to visit but of course they will meet her eventually!

Aibu?!

[saraclara]

@saraclara ‘the pregnant one’ - what an awful dehumanising way to describe your daughter in law! I’d hate to hear my MIL refer to me like that.

You're being ridiculous! I called her the pregnant one to differentiate from the other daughter in the sentence! I adore both my daughters and for you to see de-humanising in the post where I said how excited and full of love I am for her, is just nuts!

[Blubluboo]

I'm glad to see that most of the comments are leaning towards YABU.
I just don't understand this mindset. If the baby is well and you are just in bed then why not let the child's grandparents and auntie/ uncle visit? People are just excited. They are not asking to take the baby for a sleepover, they literally just want a cuddle and presumably to see you too!
People who keep close family away from babies come across rather selfish and act like they are the first people to have ever had a baby!

[RatherBeRiding]

Well I'm going against the grain here - if you don't want visitors, don't have visitors. No-one is entitled to see a newborn, and the baby will still be here next week when you feel a bit more up to it.

So what if people are "hurt" - it's not all about them and family should be a bit more understanding and give you a bit of space if that's what you need.

I mean we're talking a few days here - not 6 bloody months! I really don't understand this mad rush to see a baby within hours of the birth - it's not like they're going anywhere!

[ukgift2016]

It annoys me how 'precious' some people act.

Also in real life, I have never come across a mother who hides her baby away. To me I would be concerned there was a mental health issue.

[Blubluboo]

Additionally, I bet a lot of these grandparents who get pushed away in the first week or so are one of the first ones you ask when you need a babysitter!

[madcatladyforever]

My sister did this
I wasn't allowed to see the baby for two months. I was properly pissed off.
I've never really bonded with her child and I think this is why.
The hurt runs deep.

[brimfullofasha]

I had visitors in hospital after having DS and they brought chocolate brownies and cheered me up when I was struggling. They were very close friends and family though. I suppose if I wasn't close to them I might feel differently but I loved having them to share the joy and the pain with.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

I don't understand why people can't give a new mum and baby a bit of time and space.
I came out of hospital after am awful week (emergency admission) still feeling absolutely crap and SIL/bil plus 3 kids turned up within 30 mins of my arrival home and stayed for four hours. I'd wanted my older kids to spend time with new baby, get them ready for school the next day etc. It was such an imposition and all about them having "turns" with the new baby as if a toy. I remember being starving and struggling to breastfeed squashed up on the sofa by guests.
People should wait until mother and baby are ready - a week or two is not asking a great deal.

[Catapillarsruletheworld]

It’s your choice.

I don’t understand why you would not want at least your close family to meet your newborn, but it’s your baby and your decision.

I loved watching the grandparents and my siblings meeting my children. I always thought how lucky they were to have so many people to love them. Visitors were always welcomed visitors, and they normally brought me chocolate.

[Oysterbabe]

I was home a few hours after having DS and MIL was at my house waiting for me. I'll never forget how happy and emotional she was holding her brand new grandchild, she was just glowing with pride. She didn't stay long and I'm really glad she got to do that, it was no skin off my nose and obviously meant a lot to her.
What harm is a quick visit going to do really?

[gerbo]

I understand needing peace and privacy, however I think previous posters are right- have visitors now, in hospital, before life at home takes you back to reality! They will have to leave for visiting hours after all.

I saw both sets of parents in the hospital for around an hour at most, each, they had a hold and a coo and then left us, for a few weeks! We settled in at home and I felt that was a good balance.

[AudacityOfHope]

I'm thinking back to when I had my babies.

My mum brought in a lovely lunch from the nearby restaurant and took away a bag of washing with her.

My MIL washed my pyjamas when my catheter leaked. I'm still mortified at that but that's what families are for.

Actually the best moment of the day my daughter was born was me getting settled on the ward about three minutes before visiting hour and everyone flew through the door. My mum has been so worried, and I'm still her baby.

Thinking back to it still chokes me up, and the photos of that first day are very special.

I'm a bit sad for you really. Sitting there on a shitty ward with nobody to come in and spoil you a wee bit, bring you a magazine or a bar of chocolate or just hold the baby while you shower.

[AnnetteJones]

DP is here & spoiling me!!! With Dc1 in tow

Comments noted .x.

[fishonabicycle]

You are being pretty mean to your families! Let them come and see you in the hospital! Why would you not as you are both fine.

[LikeTheOceansWeRise]

Your baby, your healing body, your choice! You do what is best for you, rather than going against what you feel comfortable with because of others expect.

And you are not being precious, despite what some comments have suggested. What is precious is being offended that someone who has just given birth wants a bit of space.

[LL83]

I was really excited to meet nieces and nephews I loved them as soon as they were born and it was so exciting going to meet them. I would have been very hurt if I hadn't been allowed for days I can imagine even more upset for a grandchild.

I have never met anyone in real life who does this either.

[Raphael34]

‘The pregnant one’ 😮 sounds like you’re describing a bitch pregnant with her litter rather than your daughter in law pregnant with your grandchild

[Gustavo1]

The thing is though, if you don’t want visitors, then you don’t have to have them. Yes, people want to meet the baby but they can do that after a couple of days and it’s just as special. It really is.
There are regular threads on here from people who had terrible labours and deliveries and desperately wanted to rest and recover but we’re hampered by the constant stream of visitors to the ward.
So long as all relatives are treated fairly then I don’t see the problem really.

[saraclara]

My mum has been so worried, and I'm still her baby.

Yep. When I first gave birth, it didn't occur to me that anyone might have worried. But my MIL hugged me so tight a few days later and almost cried with relief "I was SO worried". And she was the most relaxed and laid back MIL under every other circumstance!

But now I get it. My daughter doesn't know it, but I'm scared stiff for her and the baby. A few extra decades of life experience does that to a person. I am going to be so relieved to see them both, and I can't imagine being kept away for more than a day or two.

[Pinkblueberry]

I don’t really understand the no visitor thing either, especially in hospital - presumably they’ll only be there for a couple of hours max, if that? As pp have said if my sister, SIL or other close family member had a new born and none of us were ‘allowed’ to visit by day 4 I’d feel a bit . Being sore down there isn’t fun, but to be honest distraction can help a lot - I don’t really get what that has to do with people visiting or not either tbh. You’ll probably be a bit sore for another week or two at least (week 2 when the healing really kicks in was worse I thought) but you don’t just hide away from the world because of that.

[Surfskatefamily]

If I'm honest I think the "I'd be do upset if my daughter did this to me' etc etc folks need to remember op is not doing anything to her family. They will meet the baby when she feels up to it.
Drama lot of you. I love new babies in my family too but they don't do much different from birth to 2or 3 weeks old. At this stage I'd be more concerned with how the mother is

[Onelovelyone]

Many congratulations on your new arrival, how exciting! However, I think you aren’t being fair here and do not sound very kind; your family aren’t asking to stay for hours (and in hospital they won’t be allowed for anyway!), they just want to meet your new baby. Allow a visit, enjoy them loving your new little one and try to enjoy this time with them too

[Surfskatefamily]

Obviously with baby bring OK too... But ykwim, she's having the hard time remember. It's no walk in the park

[CheeryB]

It's only since I've been on mumsnet I've been aware of people closeting themselves up for days after birth. I had no family close by, husband was back at work 2 days later, and I was truly grateful and happy to have visitors. Bringing me cake and making tea, and letting me go have a shower. It takes a village from day 1

[FluffyAlpaca19]

My bil & his wife kept everyone at arm's length for the first year. Nobody was allowed to visit unannounced fair enough but we were marched out once our time was up. Eventually we all lost interest & carried on with our lives, we did send gifts for birthdays etc. But because of their hostility and anxiety towards guests, people lost interest. Now they can't understand why people aren't interested in their family anymore. Just something to consider when you start putting up rigid visitation rules. People lose interest in you pfb & move onto the next baby they can actually snuggle. We are accused of favouritism by sil, oh how I laughed!