Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

They were being loud but were excited

Some parents are totally oblivious about just how loud their children are.

I’m not sure she handled it in the best way but it’s quite possible they were driving everyone in the shop mad. Obviously if it was a toy shop, that’s kind of to be expected. John Lewis less so.

Suspect you're massively exaggerating what was said to you. And why mention that you're a single mother? Mothers who aren't single do take their kids out alone too, you know.

The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.

Fine for them to look at it, pick it up and put it back again. Not fine for them to be actually playing with it. If the item appears used because it's been played with, the store can't then sell it to someone else.

YAN massively U to leave 2 nearly 3 years old wandering in a shop.
Use a buggy, use reins when you can't hold their hands.

Being "naughty" is not normal children behaviour, that's an awfully lazy parents attitude who can't be bother to control their kids.

Of course, a couple of 2 years old - nearly 3 - might struggle to stay next to you quietly, so you make sure they do. That's your job.

There's not really enough info in your OP to say either way.

But child noise can be really annoying when you're not used to it.

Yep, your children probably are that bad. That doesn't mean people want them silent and locked up - just under the control of their parent.

Buggy, reins or holding hands. Sorry op. You can't really turn your back on children that age for any amount of time in public, not even 2 minutes.

She was unnecessarily rude though.

Children should be locked up and never heard

Did anyone say that to you, or is that a hyperbolic click-bait title?

She was probably at the end of her rope, cut her some slack.

My almost 3 year olds were in the buggy when we went shopping. Otherwise, they would have misbehaves at every chance.
Of course they get out of the buggy to play at appropriate places, but you can't just leave them to do what they want. Picking things up and playing with them is bad behaviour.

Were they in a buggy or trolley? Or just toddling about?

I don't think they should be free roaming in a shop and touching things if your eyes are off them.

No I'm really not exaggerating. I wish I were.
Why did I say I was a single mother? Because they don't see they're father. I've literally no outside support network. No one to carry one toddler while I carry the other. They had reins on but like I was saying I was paying for an item and literally took my eye off them for a second.
They can be loud and behave silly. I'm trying very hard to make them aware when they do wrong.
They are very behind with their communication due to being prem and don't really talk or communicate well.

I’m sorry, but whilst the shop assistant was rather harsh in her comment, she is not completely wrong. It is not reasonable to let your children play with things in a shop, if you aren’ going to buy them. If you had a choice between two toy cars to buy for your children, would you buy one that was pristine and new, or one that was a bit battered because kids had already played with it? The only reason you’d choose the shop soiled one is if it was cheaper - and that means the shop losing money. And if your child had broken the mug, would you have been happy to pay for it, or would you expect the shop to absorb the cost?

It is worth pointing out that, if the shop has to write off a breakage or reduce the price of a shop soiled item, this is called shrinkage, and the costs of shrinkages does NOT come out of their profits - a percentage of the price of everything in the shop is to cover shrinkage.

Regarding noise - yes, children do make noise, and I, for one, do not expect children to be ‘seen and not heard’ as the old saying goes. But you do need to be aware that your tolerance for your children's noise is probably much higher than everyone else’s, and it is not fair to let them be too noisy in a shop.

I don't understand what your being a single mother has to do with it.

Your two loud boisterous three year old’s were on the loose in a shop, touching the china and playing with the toys...
Honestly. What in the name of God did you complain to the manager about? . I hope he told you to bring your kids elsewhere.

Ps they're not too old for a buggy if it makes your life easier when shopping.

Lots of lovely supportive comments there! Unless there had been another incident other than what happened at the till, then it does sound like they were just being normal toddlers. You will no doubt be told that you’ve just got to make them behave, but twins are different to non-multiples and unless you’ve had to deal with two toddlers being “normal” toddlers at the same time then I’d be a bit about the advice! Do your children run around picking stuff up and generally causing mayhem? Do they listen (tricky with any toddler)? Can they wait while your paying etc or do they completely ignore you and run off (probably giggling)?

Yeah I don’t think it’s ever acceptable for children to be in shops touching things,

I’ve always been a ‘if you’re going to walk you can hold my hand’ type of mum to avoid these issues. I know you have 2 kids and need to hold things but perhaps they could hold a bit of your shopping each so they don’t wander off?

eager to explore - running about. Not ideal in a retail store, what if they'd run into someone or something? You'd be liable to pay for any damages and you'd be responsible for any injuries (I've seen an elderly woman sent flying when a DC ran into her stick).

one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook Did your DM ever say 'You look with your eyes, not your hands'? Toddler messing with breakables - again, you'd have to pay for any damage.

The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store In other words, you were letting them play with an item which you had no intention of purchasing.

They were being loud but were excited You mean loud AND excited.

YABU - You need to teach them how to behave in public, not just brush it off as 'that's what kids do'. If you can't do that then you need reins.

She probably should have kept her thoughts to herself but it does sound like maybe you would benefit from using a buggy a little longer.

No I'm really not exaggerating. I wish I were.

So she did actually say to you that children should be locked up and never heard?

Oops, I notice you said you had reins. Maybe keep hold of them.

^ I don’t think it’s naughty though, kids are loud and quite rough though which is why I don’t think it’s ok to allow them to roam free in shops.

TBH the shop assistant was probably only saying what everyone else was thinking for which I applaud her.

I can't believe you complained to the manager tbh - but maybe she'll get a payrise out of it.

It's not your children's fault - it's yours.

Stop excusing and minimising the issues and deal with them.

Honestly cannot stand loud children. Why not tell them to hush in a shop it's not fair on others. She shouldn't have been so rude about it though

Why did I say I was a single mother? Because they don't see they're father. I've literally no outside support network. No one to carry one toddler while I carry the other.

Still completely irrelevant - plenty of mums, single or not, spend time alone with their children and go to places/ do the shopping with their kids without their partners and husbands I don’t think the way the shop assistant spoke to you was fair - but then neither are you for saying she implied kids should be locked up and not seen. Nothing wrong with expecting sensible behaviour and not playing with unbought items in shops.