Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

I would pay good money to match up these arsey comments to real life people.

I often think that. Who and where are all these people who behave and think so differently to what seems to be 'the norm' to the people I know and see going about their business. Sometimes, when I see lots of comments on mumsnet that I just can't identify with, I think I must just be really weird. Then I go out in the real world and rarely meet anyone with views like I see on some of these threads, it's very strange!

In the real world, people are diplomatic because many times there's no need to be honest to your face. It doesn't stop them to think or even discuss you behind your back.

If you witness something that makes you shake your head, most of the time you will be quiet and move on. You might still rant about it with the next friend you meet. 🤷

Add that in real life, not many people would actually ask : am I BU? If you do, be ready for the answer.

If you witness something that makes you shake your head, most of the time you will be quiet and move on. You might still rant about it with the next friend you meet.🤷

But a child touching something in a shop or making noise or having a tantrum would never make me shake my head. I've never seen people looking like they are judging anyone else for such a non event either.

The only time I've 'judged' people or mentioned something about another parent to a friend is when I've seen the parent swearing at a child but I think most people would be disgusted by that. If I see kids touching things in shops, it doesn't make me think that the parents aren't controlling their children nor does it if I hear a child being noisy or having a tantrum. Kids do these things sometimes and most parents are doing their best.

There was a thread a while ago where some people were saying children shouldn't touch toys or magazines in supermarkets and if they did the parents were not parenting if they didn't stop them. I really can't identify with that type of thinking.

In other words mumsnet is a fucking horrible world where diplomacy doesn't exist. It allows people to voice ugly thoughts better left unsaid imo.

In other words mumsnet is a fucking horrible world where diplomacy doesn't exist. It allows people to voice ugly thoughts better left unsaid imo.

Maybe, but then I will sometimes come across a thread where people are giving great advice and support to someone really struggling and it restores my faith.

I think it's probably that forums tend to attract some unhappy or lonely people and being 'off' with others somehow makes them feel a bit better about themselves. I don't know. I just know that quite often I am at what is written on here and I'm glad that the vast majority of people I know don't seem to share these views.

In other words mumsnet is a fucking horrible world where diplomacy doesn't exist. It allows people to voice ugly thoughts better left unsaid imo.

it's your way to see it. It's more the honest answer instead of the diplomatic lie you would get in real life.

It's a bit like a middle-age person asking "how old do you think I am?". In real life, most people will take 10 years of their estimated guess when they answer to your face.

If your friend brings a very "spirited" child to your house, climbing on your tv, destroying the place. You won't tell her that you are really pissed off and don't want him in your home ever again, but you will still think it. (general "you", of course some posters adore having children being "lively" in their own home)

There was a thread a while ago where some people were saying children shouldn't touch toys or magazines in supermarkets and if they did the parents were not parenting if they didn't stop them. I really can't identify with that type of thinking.

that's how I raise my own kids though. And yes, I do judge when I see kids misbehaving, even more when it upset my own kids!

Not many people are that impressed by kids touching the fruit and veg on display and everything else in a supermarket.

I suppose my general take is that we should value tolerance. If something isn't important enough to warrant ruffling feathers, never mind making someone feel shit and small over, let it go. That's what you would do irl and quite rightly too imo. Life runs more smoothly with a bit of give and take. Perhaps it'll be you needing a bit of slack cut next time.

@longestlurkerever Agree with you entirely!

flobonobo
then why do you have digs at people?

You attacked me for my reply to a specific post. Don't agree, but it's you who started to make it personal. Things go both ways...

that's how I raise my own kids though. And yes, I do judge when I see kids misbehaving, even more when it upset my own kids!

Not many people are that impressed by kids touching the fruit and veg on display and everything else in a supermarket.

But there's a difference between 'normal' kids behaviour which in my opinion includes children touching things in shops and misbehaving. I probably would have stopped my children touching fruit and veg as they can damage them but not toys or magazines.

I have actually brought my own children up to be very mindful of others. However one of my children was a little more unpredictable as a toddler, even though they were encouraged and praised when they behaved and was told off for misbehaving. My other child has always just been extremely well behaved. I don't think touching toys in the toy aisle is naughty though. If my child was throwing them and not putting things back them I would have told them off, made them put things back and then moved on. I think expectations of children have to be age appropriate and toddlers do touch things and do make noise. That doesn't make them naughty or the parent, a bad parent.

I probably would have stopped my children touching fruit and veg as they can damage them but not toys or magazines.

and I think that's very rude. And you make it difficult for children to understand that you make a difference between the 2 and why.

I think expectations of children have to be age appropriate and toddlers do touch things and do make noise. That doesn't make them naughty or the parent, a bad parent.

of course, toddlers want to touch things, pull things out of shelves, climb shelves, help themselves to food and toys, snatch things from others, put things in their mouth, start singing or shouting during a nativity. They are being toddlers. How the parents manage that is the issue.

A crying baby in a restaurant is also just being a baby, but removing it to stop it being a nuisance for other clients is basic manners. Laughing at "a perfect parent" because you try to minimise inconvenience and teach basic manners to your kids is just childish.

@MonChatEstMagnifique - for me, the problem with children touching toys and magazines in shops is that most people don’t want to buy shop soiled items, and children are not necessarily going to have the skills to look at something (especially something easily torn like a magazine) without damaging it.

Shops (rightly) don’t want their items being damaged - they want pristine products to sell at full price. Plus you and I end up paying for items that are damaged and have to be thrown away or sold at a lower price - a percentage of the price of everything we buy is to cover shrinkage - damaged items, theft etc - so if more parents let their children play with things in shops, and damage them, we will all have to pay higher prices - not something I really crave.

And yes, toddlers want to touch things - that is natural, and part of them learning about the world - but as parents it is our job to teach them what they can and can’t touch, and to make sure that they don’t damage things, whilst they are learning.

I am not expecting parents - or toddlers - to be perfect - as long as they are trying their best.

and I think that's very rude. And you make it difficult for children to understand that you make a difference between the 2 and why.

Then you can think I'm rude. If you knew me you would realise that I'm actually not.

I don't think its difficult, my children knew the difference is that people have to eat the fruit and veg, they don't eat magazines and toys and they would be careful with them anyway. I think it's unrealistic to expect children to go into a shop and not touch things. I touch things in shops that I don't buy because I want to look at them closer or read the labelling.

I think it's unrealistic to expect children to go into a shop and not touch things

this is where we will never agree. If your children were playing with things, magazines or other, in my shop I would find you very rude.

I agree that's it's unrealistic for children not to try to touch things, but it's up to the parents to manage that. Some supermarkets give free fruits to the kids, some parents give snacks, give a toy shopping basket for the kid to carry, put them in the trolley, keep them occupied with helping... and the tens of different way you manage your own child who you know, and who reacts differently.

Just allowing them to start playing with the stock and goods you haven't bought is not acceptable.

When I last bought a playhouse, I wanted to see them first to have a better idea. None of the shops/ garden centres/ specialist shops had any, the reason being that they got fed up of parents letting kids play and treat the shop like a playground apparently!

this is where we will never agree. If your children were playing with things, magazines or other, in my shop I would find you very rude.

That's your choice.

Some supermarkets give free fruits to the kids, some parents give snacks, give a toy shopping basket for the kid to carry, put them in the trolley, keep them occupied with helping... and the tens of different way you manage your own child who you know, and who reacts differently.

I have done all of those things. I've also let my children touch magazines so they can choose which one and play with toys before choosing one. I have also looked at magazines/books before buying one myself.

When I last bought a playhouse, I wanted to see them first to have a better idea. None of the shops/ garden centres/ specialist shops had any, the reason being that they got fed up of parents letting kids play and treat the shop like a playground apparently

Our local garden centre still has playhouses. We bought one after our daughter played in them so they're obviously not all fed up.

@MonChatEstMagnifique - what would you do if, whilst deciding which magazine they wanted, one of your children accidentally tore one, but then decided they didn’t want it? Would you pay for the item they’d damaged, or would you shrug and move on?

I suspect that most retailers would say that far too many parents would shrug and leave the damaged item for the shop to deal with, and that is why people object to children touching things in shops.

Also, do you stop your children playing with things you have no intention of buying? Again, I suspect that far too many parents let their children play with things when the child isn’t getting to choose which car/book/magazine they want, but is just being allowed to entertain themselves by mucking around with goods that other people may want to buy, but won’t buy if they are shopsoiled/damaged.

what would you do if, whilst deciding which magazine they wanted, one of your children accidentally tore one, but then decided they didn’t want it? Would you pay for the item they’d damaged, or would you shrug and move on?

Of course I would buy it. But it never happened. My children knew how to turn the pages in a book/magazine without tearing them by the time they were allowed to choose one to take home.

Also, do you stop your children playing with things you have no intention of buying?
Toys, no. Because they often wanted to look at them properly and then put them on a list for their birthday or Xmas. Toys don't break because a child tries them out for 2 minutes in a shop, if they did they would constantly be returned after purchase because the same would happen at home. Other things, like what? My kids wouldn't have been very interested but they are unlikely to damage anything by picking them up and putting them down.

Both adults and children touch things in shops that they don't buy. People want to get a better look at things, it's normal and you see it in every shop you go in.

Agitetur
I’m back from the shops, & cafe items being picked up,touched,one cup dropped
All by adults, no one eye rolled,no one tutted,no reproach or judge comment

My wonderful FIL (who is a great person, truly) has caused more embarrassing scenes in stores and restaurants than any of his four grandchildren ever did, at any age.

@MonChatEstMagnifique - it is exactly as I suspected - you have taught your children to be careful with things they are handling in shops. I'm also sure that you did have to teach them how to be careful - you had to parent them, and supervise them in the shops.

The problem is parents who don't bother teaching this, and who let their kids trash whatever they touch, and leave the stores (and all the rest of the customers, who pay the % of the price that covers shrinkage) to deal with the debris.

If every parent was like you, I don't think there would be a problem.