Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

If shops have a load of shit at the counter to try to get you to make a guilt / impulse purchase at the tills then they shouldn’t be surprised when kids grab it .

Yes kids can be loud, @DisorganisedOrganiser - but that doesn’t mean that their parents shouldn’t try to get them to use their ‘indoor voices’ and be a bit quieter when they are in a shop.

Parents need to parent their children - the children aren’t going to learn how to behave in public on their own. And I know that it can seem like a never-ending task at times - you have to be constantly on your toes to nip the unacceptable behaviour in the bud, and sometimes you feel like a cracked record, telling them to calm down and be a bit quieter - but that is part of the job of being a parent.

If the children you were not watching had climb on a shelf and it had collapsed who would you be blaming, yourself for your negligence or the shop?

They were on reins, how exactly would they climb a shelf?

YANBU. I like hearing excited children being themselves. It is natural to want to touch nice things.

Loud and excited children running around shops and fiddling with merchandise are a complete and utter pain in the arse, frankly.

^^

This.

I disagree with the notion that mothers of 3 year olds should be just strapping them into a pushchair. 1. That doesn't stop them being noisy, which appears to have been the retail worker''s complaint. And 2. Some 3 year olds are way past needing a pushchair so why discourage them walking and getting exercise?

@HeadintheiClouds I couldn't give a shit if I piss people off when I'm shopping! If people can't tolerate kids being kids then they should be the ones doing there shopping online!
Disgusting attitude oh my god I cannot believe the ignorance of some people

I don't understand what your being a single mother has to do with it.

Probably to stop the 'why on earth are you shopping with your children. Why can't you leave them at home with you DH?' ridiculous comments that normally come on these type of threads!

If the OP had been telling her children to quieten down, or to stop playing with things, I suspect the member of staff wouldn’t have made the comments they did. And I am sure that, if she had been telling them off/trying to keep them under control, the OP would have said so, so I suspect she was turning a blind eye to them messing around with stuff that she had no intention of buying, and a deaf ear to their noise.

Some 3 year olds are way past needing a pushchair so why discourage them walking and getting exercise?

take them to the park, don't confuse a shop with a soft play.

And start teaching them how to behave, otherwise when on earth will they ever learn?

Does anyone remember the sign that used to be displayed in many small shops back in the 80s? -

'Nice to look at
Nice to hold
But if you break it
Consider it sold'

I have 3 under 4, 3,2& a newborn so I had 2 toddlers for awhile but of course my eldest is 3 so not a toddler but even when she was she knew not to play with toys and would stop and listen, as my toddler does now. I manage at the shops and everywhere by myself (although not a single parent...) with 3 small children and the elder 2 walk. For "normal" almost 3 year olds I would agree with you about the pushchair, however as you've said they are delayed due to prematurity I think you may still need one if they can't understand instructions to not play with toys, crossing roads etc must be an absolute nightmare if they can't understand instructions! If they don't physically fit in the one you have may be worth trying out some other double pushchairs. Out n about is meant to be very spacious! Save yourself the stress and it'll be so much safer for them'

They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour

And if you don’t nip it in the bud when they’re tiny, they’ll continue and get worse as they get older!
If your kids aren’t behaving well, stop making excuses for them and actually do something about it

Wow the comments on here are harsh! It’s funny how when people ask about 3 year olds being in prams on here everyone is quick to say they are too old yet this mother is being told she should put her 3 year olds in a pram Ok then! I find people on MN so hypocritical. Please complain op I had a similar incident in a shop (with my 5 and 7 year old maybe I should put them in a pram aswell ) and customer services was disgusted with the way I was spoken to and took it very seriously.

I couldn't give a shit if I piss people off when I'm shopping!

we get that, it's exactly that attitude that does piss people off - and make some kids absolutely impossible.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I really feel that merchandising may be largely at fault here. OP said she was at the till paying in John Lewis.

In the local John Lewis to me, they have displays of items at a very low height all around the till area. Used as a sort of barrier to filter customers into a queue in busy sections and tempt you into last minute impulse purchases. Many of these items are at toddler eye-line. OP's toddlers could be right next to her (with reins, I imagine they would be as there's not much give on those) and grab/ touch items. OP is then in the delightful bind of either distracting both toddlers (and being rude to the cashier/ taking ages to pay - both of which would bring down the scorn of MN on her) or looking away quickly to pay for her shopping and get the toddlers away from the shop ASAP.

There's no easy way to do that with two toddlers. It's a pain with just one, where you can grab them and put them on a hip for a moment.

The sensible thing to do, would be to not have the tempting items at toddler height right next to the till.

But clearly John Lewis makes more money by having them there, than the occasional breakage (though nothing broke here!)

The profession thing for the staff member to do, would have been to either help OP with the purchase so she could wrangle her toddlers for the two minutes needed, or just say nothing.

Oh good. The pissy judgemental parade is out in full force as per!

I think she was rude and you're getting a lot of uncalled for agro on here

yet this mother is being told she should put her 3 year olds in a pram Ok then!

if it's the only way she can keep her little darlings in control, then so be it. They should start to know better by 3 years old, but if they have never been told, it's not their fault.

No real need to tell me that, broken, it’s blatantly obvious. Like I said; I hope I never bump into you and your gang of devils.
And you most amusingly talk about other people’s ignorance

That title is ridiculous.

Loud and excited children running around shops and fiddling with merchandise are a complete and utter pain in the arse, frankly.

You could apply the pain in the arse label to any number of shoppers though.

People walking slowly with trolleys, standing there studying the products while blocking the shelves? Pain the arse.

People walking mega slowly in front of you? Pain in the arse.

Groups of people talking at the ends of aisles? Pain in the arse.

Surly shop staff or overly perky shop staff? Pain in the arse.

And on the list goes.

Shopping itself is a pain in the arse so why did this woman think it was okay to make another person's day more difficult by being a pain in the arse herself when she could have just kept her mouth shut and watched the Noisy Twins waltz out the door a mere thirty seconds later. The woman created the situation.

It’s very easy to throw mud at poor OP, but surely we can all recall at least one occasion where our little darlings behaved badly out shopping?
Don’t take it to heart, OP. It’s a temporary phase after all - your twins won’t be toddlers forever, and their behaviour will improve.
Maybe try a bit of reinforcing - tell them how proud you are when they behave nicely in a shop, tell them to pipe down if they’re being rowdy in public, and let them know you will remove them from the shop and go straight home if they touch items they shouldn’t.
Mine were scheming horrors. They’d wait til I was nearly at the front of the deli queue in Tesco’s, then slip off and tell a staff member they’d lost their mum.
Cue a tannoy call “Babdoc to Customer Services please, your children are here...”!
I’d have to abandon my place, collect the little blighters, then go to the back of the queue again!

The sensible thing to do, would be to not have the tempting items at toddler height right next to the till.

and yet when there was a time when parents were teaching their kids basic manner and behaviour - now it's the rest of the world's fault for not adapting.

Brilliant.

If people can't tolerate kids being kids then they should be the ones doing there shopping online!

Ah. You're one of them too. Bad behaviour is just being kids

It's not what children do. It's what children are allowed to do when their parents have no respect or consideration for the place they are or for the other people there.