Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

Suspect you're massively exaggerating what was said to you

Or underplaying how her children were behaving. People don’t generally complain about well behaved children.

Touching a mug but not taking it off the hook is fine. All kids touch things
It isn’t fine. If DD did it, she was told no. She didn’t do it again, she didn’t keep doing it. Kids touching easily turns in to kids breaking and it isn’t rocket science if your kid is playing with with something breakable, you tell them to stop. If your kid is playing with a toy you have no intention of buying you tell them to stop.

My daughter is just 3 and is behind with most things including her communication, her behaviour isn't great and can be a handful in a public place... that being said I wouldn't allow her to walk of touching stuff in a shop! I hold her reins and bribe her the best I can 🤦🏻‍♀️

queue for 20 minutes

Where the hell do you shop that you queue for 20 minutes?

If she was yelling at the kids she would of been called a bad mother. Can't win

There is a lot of space between doing nothing and yelling. OP clearly thought her children were doing nothing wrong. That should tell you something.

Wow, everyone laying into you OP are absolutely perfect and have never had a bad day with the kids it would seem

I don't even see how OP has had a bad day here anyway. One child touched a mug and the other played with a toy car. Hardly crimes of the century. Jesus.

It used to be part of good parenting to teach children that they can look but not to touch anything in shops. Certainly my mother taught me this long before 3 - a stern "we are about to go into a shop. You are allowed to look but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU ALLOWED TO TOUCH ANYTHING. Do you understand?" Every single time we went out shopping.

You should not have allowed your children to touch or play with things that they haven't purchased. That is bad parenting I'm afraid.

It sounds like the level of noise and type of behaviour was intrusive to customers too and that you didn't do anything to divert or correct the children.

No one believes that children should be locked away and never heard. Just that they should be taught how to behave in public by their parent.

I never understand parents who don't even care about the safety of their own kids.

You teach them very basic manners also because it's safer for them! Encouraging children, or allowing them which is the same, to touch anything and everything means they'll end up getting hurt at some point. Why do you not even care?

Some people must be an absolutely nightmare when they visit friends, and I feel so sorry for the teachers who have to deal with them eventually.

@Yabbers bore off hun your doing my head in now. Everybody is different with there kids! I tell mine repeatedly to behave stop messing do they listen no, does that mean I'm going to lay into them no!

No body has ever made such comments before. Usually it's only kindness from people when out.

That doesn’t mean that your kids aren’t noisy, or that the staff member was wrong on this occasion.

Let’s be honest, you’re probably just desensitised to how loud your twins actually are. Eg the twins being quite loud may just translate to a normal conversational volume to you (as you’re used to them) but is too noisy for others inside a shop. When someone has commented on the high level of noise, you have become defensive and offended rather than considering if they had a point.

If you want consideration from others, you need to be considerate of others too. Which may mean implementing changes to reduce the noise or to deter them from messing around when your eyes are briefly off them. Your current set up doesn’t seem to be working.

Two two year olds with speech and developmental delays shopping with you while you queued for 20 minutes... what could possible go wrong? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just put them in a pram. Sorry, but you should be able to control your children. Just throwing your hands up in the air and saying it’s out of your hands is not taking full responsibility for their behaviour.

I tell both my children not to mess before we even get into the car to go, they don't listen at all but does this mean I avoid going to buy things I need? Of course not some people are just being ridiculous

"off you pop cunty chops"

Would be the only reasonable reply to that Woman and a lot on this thread.

How does not being allowed out work then?

You get your shopping delivered and are provided, a house with outside space and full sky?

Anyone whose been around twins, know that they tag team. Not that ypurs were causing an issue. It's rarely kids causing an issue anywhere, younger men are usually noiser and make more of a mess.

She had no right to an opinion and it's a shame that there was no one around to tell her straight.

FrauHaribo what if they can't be taught?

Do we open up the institutions again?

@Ponoka7 thank goodness somebody with some sense! The OP has been bombarded with abuse from people that know nothing about her situation

THEY. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. WORDS.

So all this tell them no, tell them to stand by you is bloody ridiculous.

She had reins. She’s doing her bloody best. I see parents out with one kid who lose concentration for a couple of seconds all the bloody time. Difference is that it’s not an issue for them because they can teach their children “manners” and there’s only one to chase down.

Give her a bloody break.

you can't win because if you put them in the buggy someone will have a go at you for bringing up lazy children

Absolutely no one calls a mother lazy for having a pair of three year olds in a buggy. It's literally where they should be if they don't know not to touch things and are "being loud and excited" whilst the mother isn't paying attention.

kids being curious wanting to touch everything and getting bored while waiting in a queue for 20 minutes should be understood by people! If she was yelling at the kids she would of been called a bad mother. Can't win

But not only, they weren't bored in a queue for 20 minutes, the two options here aren't, a) do sweet F.A, or b) yell at your children.

I was in Zara’s fitting rooms and a lady’s toddler was loudly screaming, shouting, darting around the fitting rooms and later started crying loudly as they wanted to leave - the lady found the tantrum funny/cute and carried on trying her stuff on. I didn’t confront the lady or make her feel uncomfortable at all but after 30 minutes of pure loud noise, I did wonder why trying on clothes was so important when her child was clearly uncomfortable. Unfortunately it was actually disruptive towards everyone else.

The mythical mn putdown,that allegedly pole axes adults rendering them contrite
Only on mn
If one genuinely were to retort back with off you pop cunty chops you’d just look vulgar & daft. You’d not be super sassy with an acerbic putdown. You’d be a harried mum who just swore. No one would sympathise

I’d sympathise. Because I can sympathise with a stressed parent.

@brokenladyxx

Surely if your children never listen, you need to try a different parenting technique? Children will ignore you if there are no consequences.

Yeah, I don't see the point in being rude back.

Honestly OP, if you kids weren't actually misbehaving (which according to your OP, they weren't, particularly) then I'd just ignore the comment entirely. The woman was probably having a bad day/week/life herself. Everyone is the centre of their own universe, no point dwelling on it.

I’d sympathise. Because I can sympathise with a stressed parent.

I do too. However there is nothing in the OPs post which suggested she was stressed at all. As far as she was concerned her children were not doing anything wrong.

@halloumi2019

But that's what darling children do. They shouldn't be taught to have any regard for other people or their surroundings, as long as the mother either ignores them, or looks on adoringly at their talented spritely offspring. Frankly if you don't like it, you should use Zara online.

Unbelievable the excuses on here.

You’d be a harried mum who just swore. No one would sympathise

And in front of your children too. I have no idea why anyone thinks that’s a great come back.

Ponoka7
what if they can't be taught?

yet, somehow, you manage to stop your kids from electrocuting themselves, jumping from a window, drinking from the toilet, running in front of a car, eating your medicine and cleaning products, soiling themselves...
You teach, you adapt, you manage in various ways, whatever it takes but you keep them safe, warm, and fed.

The "can't be taught"only means you can't be arsed to deal with a behaviour.

These are preverbal developmentally delayed ex premmie twins. They're not going to understand the nice explanations. The poor mum is probably stressed out of her skull. And the odds are that they were significantly premmie, and sick, with significant time in hospital after birth. For god's sake give the OP a break.