Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

You seem to be getting an unnecessary pasting here. It was an unpleasant comment, and best forgotten. In all fairness the staff member can’t be expected to know if you’re single parent or not (but it undoubtedly added to your exasperation and feeling got at). The kids probably were bit boisterous, it happens! Added to that the speech delay they can’t articulate what’s going on for them. We all have had such moments when we are distracted, busy and the kids act up. i never believe any parent who claims their kids don’t act up (they’re lying)

Your children aren't "naughty", no child is. There's always a reason behind the behaviour.

She was very rude. Being a single mother to twins must be incredibly difficult, I'm sure you're doing great OP.

They are not being naughty, they are just normal toddlers but they should not be allowed to mess about with new merchandise or it cannot be resold. They should really be in a double buggy strapped in, difficult I know. You need four arms to be a mum.

i think she was rude but it's sounds like your dc were perhaps a little I'm too boisterous for the situation. you should use a pram until you can trust them to listen. I don't think 3 is too old for a pram in the situation you describe.

I'm constantly telling my children off when misbehaving.
They are very delayed in understanding and communication. They are both under speech and language. They don't put two words together and have very limited speech
I didn't let them run wild but I did take my eye off them whilst paying. But it was only a second. I turned around to grab them and was then told off.
She did say if I couldn't control them then we shouldn't be out.
I do try to do everything online.
When I said I'm a single parent it's because if you have a partner you can work around popping out to the shop. Or an extra pair of hands to help out.
No body has ever made such comments before. Usually it's only kindness from people when out.

Wow, everyone laying into you OP are absolutely perfect and have never had a bad day with the kids it would seem

I’m sorry this thread is full of complete arseholes, OP

Of course being a single parent is relevant because if she needs to go to a shop, her twins have to go too.

Some people here have no bloody idea what it’s like having twins.

Also...
but that doesn’t mean that their parents shouldn’t try to get them to use their ‘indoor voices’ and be a bit quieter when they are in a shop.

OP said that her children have very limited language and communication skills, so there’s bugger all chance of them understanding the concept of “indoor voices.

OP, my twins just turned 3. They are both autistic, non verbal, no understanding. We literally stay indoors unless there’s another adult on hand and it’s soul destroying but the responses here show me I’m right to do that!

Are you getting any support with the language delay?

Your children aren't "naughty", no child is. There's always a reason behind the behaviour.

bad and lazy parenting?

Of course, now we get the drip feed of ‘oh my child has xyz wrong with them’ blah blah. People are always quick to find excuses. Happens on every thread!

ODFOD. Seriously. Language delay is extremely common on twins.

Honestly OP she isn’t worth your headspace. Some people just don’t have a clue .

They are nearly 3 not nearly 2 so should be able to stand by your side whilst you pay for something, if they cant it is because you havent taught them to do that

Really????? OP has already explained they were prem with possible delays.

FFS. How do you teach a toddler with communication and language delays to stand by your side? I would love to know.

Your children aren't "naughty", no child is. There's always a reason behind the behaviour.

I don’t understand this statement - there’s usually a reason behind the ‘naughty’ behaviour then, presumably? But the behaviour was ‘naughty’ nonetheless. And of course children are sometimes naughty - I certainly was, I did things because I wanted to do them knowing I wasn’t supposed to. I do wonder if some people have litterally no recollection of their own childhood when they say stuff like this...

SinkGirl,conversation unfolds incrementally in stages, it’s not usual to lay out every single pertinent point when composing a post. Otherwise, posts would be huge,long and the spontaneity of posting would be lost. Speech delay in prem children is v common

Ahh I apologise I inadvertently tagged SinkGirl in my post

Eliza1990,,conversation unfolds incrementally in stages, it’s not usual to lay out every single pertinent point when composing a post. Otherwise, posts would be huge,long and the spontaneity of posting would be lost. Speech delay in prem children is v common

At that age I wouldn’t take my son to the shop without being in a pushchair - he was a handful and it wasn’t worth the aggro - I feel like under two is quite young to not be in a buggy in a shop with breakable stuff?

The person was undeniably rude and I’d have probably told her off if she said it to me but secretly accepted I needed to control them better.

My DS is also nearly 3 and most of the time walks with me around the shops. Of course he wants to touch and pick things up but he’s been taught to look with his eyes and not touch with his hands unless he asks first or is told he can and he is most certainly not allowed to walk around on his own or away from me.
I’ll be honest, the single mum comment is completely irrelevant. So because your out in the day time without you DP/DH there people will just assume your a single parent? My DH works away for weeks on end so it’s always just me and my son so are people assuming the same of me?

As much as I don’t think what was said to you was the right thing, I think your children were probably behaving a lot worse than you can see/realise.

The people on her commenting saying that we should control our children probably put there kids in breakfast club, after school club and leave them with grand parents every weekend to avoid taking there kids out in public. No parent is perfect and neither is any kid! Judgemental arseholes

conversation unfolds incrementally in stages, it’s not usual to lay out every single pertinent point when composing a post. Otherwise, posts would be huge,long and the spontaneity of posting would be lost

Yes I realise that, I’m not thick. Don’t you think though if the OP really thought it relevant to her story, she’d have included that in the first post? It’s only now she’s getting negative responses that she’s decided it’s a good enough excuse

🤦‍♀️

My DS is also nearly 3 and most of the time walks with me around the shops. Of course he wants to touch and pick things up but he’s been taught to look with his eyes and not touch with his hands unless he asks first or is told he can and he is most certainly not allowed to walk around on his own or away from me.

They cannot ask, as they have a speech delay. She cannot teach them this as they have a receptive language delay

I’ll be honest, the single mum comment is completely irrelevant. So because your out in the day time without you DP/DH there people will just assume your a single parent? My DH works away for weeks on end so it’s always just me and my son so are people assuming the same of me?

You only have one toddler to wrangle by yourself!

God, this is why I much prefer twin parents - all understand it’s bloody difficult and don’t spout such sanctimonious twaddle when they’ve never had to deal with what you’re dealing with.

@LittleBlueBag

I have 7 year old twins, I remember that phase well, you can't win because if you put them in the buggy someone will have a go at you for bringing up lazy children and if you let them out people expect you to magically be able to manage the behaviour of both of them at the same time and/or use your three hands to hold both of them while paying for your shopping. You being a single mother is relevant because there is nowhere you go to that you can go to without them. Everything. Doctor's, supermarket shopping, buying new clothes, going to the dentist... you name it, you're doing it with two little ones in tow. I at least could do some stuff on the weekend because of DH. I take my hat off to you, you have nerves of steel. Try not to let the woman's unkind, thoughtless comments get you down - she's obviously never had a go at looking after twin toddlers. Personally I think that people who can't keep their nasty opinions to themselves should be kept out of the shops, but it seems like we have to put up with them just like they have to put up with us

@Courtney555 no not at all but kids being curious wanting to touch everything and getting bored while waiting in a queue for 20 minutes should be understood by people! If she was yelling at the kids she would of been called a bad mother. Can't win