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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children should be locked up and never heard

471 replies

LittleBlueBag · 20/09/2019 15:33

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

OP posts:
PiaLouisa · 20/09/2019 16:39

@brokenladyxx is the type to talk in a cinema I imagine

Bibijayne · 20/09/2019 16:39

@tillytrotter1 they're also not there to give unsolicited advice and opinions either.

CrazyPineapple · 20/09/2019 16:39

Have I missed something?
Shop worker says 'their behaviour is awful'
And you translate that as 'children should be locked up and never heard'?
Take a deep breath and try not to blow things out of proportion. Maybe your children's behaviour was unruly, but she certainly wasn't saying what you interpreted it as! You maybe feel a bit over sensitive. Oh, and as a side, I go to shops with my DH 5% max of the time, so no one will assume you're a single mother just because you're alone with your kids...

HeadintheiClouds · 20/09/2019 16:40

Why are people talking about John Lewis? Op hasn’t said that’s where she was.

OtraCosaMariposa · 20/09/2019 16:41

Twins who are "almost 3" - so 2 - are not too old for a pram. Essential for keeping them contained while shopping, imho. Letting kids finger mugs and play with toys is not on. Nobody wants to buy stuff that 2 year olds have bashed about because let's face it, they're hardly known for their care and attention at that age.

All the rest of the "but I'm a single mother" stuff is totally irrelevant.

FrancisCrawford · 20/09/2019 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/09/2019 16:41

It is not OK to let children mess around in shops. Shops are not playgrounds, and it is not unreasonable to expect different behaviour in a shop than you’d expect in the park or at home.

Parents have a responsibility to teach their children how to behave nicely in public. I did it with my three energetic boys - they were not allowed to play with things in shops, or be too loud, or use shops as playgrounds. They weren’t perfect, and I don’t expect any child to be perfect - but the parent who lets their children do whatever they want and run wild in shops is not doing them any favours in the long term, and shouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the world doesn’t like the way their little darlings are (mis)behaving.

PumpkinP · 20/09/2019 16:42

if it's the only way she can keep her little darlings in control, then so be it. They should start to know better by 3 years old, but if they have never been told, it's not their fault.

Well aren’t you delightful. They are toddlers how tf do you expect toddlers to “know better” maybe they are no longer in a pram because people seem to very judgemental about children 3+ still in prams. Seems you can’t win really.

Nonnymum · 20/09/2019 16:42

The shop worker should not have said that. I can't believe how judgemental some people can be. Even if they were being noisy. (and tbh what you describe just sounds normal behaviour to me), why can't people offer to help rather than criticise?

PurpleDaisies · 20/09/2019 16:45

You were the person who brought up JL. Not OP

No, that was me! I meant that the type of shop mattered, not that the ok was shopping in John Lewis.

FrauHaribo · 20/09/2019 16:45

They are toddlers how tf do you expect toddlers to “know better”

... because parents are actually teaching them and they are learning to behave in a shop?

Have you actually looked at a bunch of nearly 3 years old at nursery? they know quite a lot already, but they need someone to teach them in the first place...

Venger · 20/09/2019 16:45

Where has the OP said she doesn't teach her DC manners or how to behave in a shop? Where does she say she didn't tell them to hush while they were going around the store? She was paying so for a few moments her attention was on the cashier and then they were leaving, what was she meant to do? "Be quiet kids or we are leaving" - they were leaving anyway.

RussianDolls · 20/09/2019 16:45

Honestly. The perfect parents are out in force today. OP YANBU and what was going through the lady’s mind.

Bibijayne · 20/09/2019 16:46

@purpledaisies - yes, sorry misread that. However, it got me thinking about different shopping layouts. Our local John Lewis being a good example. TBH Matalan, M&S, Sainsbury's etc all have similar layouts.

peakygal · 20/09/2019 16:46

Wow some very judgy comments by perfect parents on this thread Hmm

Doubl · 20/09/2019 16:47

I imagine OP mentioned she is a single parent as the usual advice in threads like this are 'why not leave them with DP whilst you go next time' as in the supermarket threads Hmm

It sounds like they were being typical toddlers and she sounds heavy handed in her comments. Assuming they weren't swinging off the lights and throwing piles of shit at other customers, assume she was having a very bad day and think no more.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/09/2019 16:49

Of course toddlers won’t magically ‘know better’, @PumpkinP - they need to be told, every time, not to touch, or to quieten down a bit. And if their parent doesn’t do this, who will?

I am sure that, if the OP usually told them to be quiet and stop touching and didn’t on this occasion because she was having a bad day, we’d all understand completely - but she didn’t say this, and to me, her post reads as if she can’t really see anything wrong with the way her children were behaving - and that is what people are objecting to.

PumpkinP · 20/09/2019 16:51

Have you actually looked at a bunch of nearly 3 years old at nursery? they know quite a lot already, but they need someone to teach them in the first place...

I took my toddler out in the pram today who had a tantrum whilst out she really should know better shouldn’t she 🙄 what a bad mother I must be.

FrauHaribo · 20/09/2019 16:52

Venger
that They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour for a start tells you all you need to know!

Happyspud · 20/09/2019 16:54

I’ve 4 little ones and going to a shop is bloody chaos so I rarely do it. But when I do, I’ve only been met with kindness from people, even when my brats are doing exactly what the OP describes. I know when that happens I’m always very hot on them and constantly giving instructions and all over them like a rash if they get in peoples way or disrupt other shoppers so maybe that’s why people are kind. But I’m sure there’ll be a day when I’m too exhausted to keep rounding them up constantly and dart between them all and it will piss some miserable bitch off enough to have a go at me.

WonderWomansSpin · 20/09/2019 16:55

I don't think you can expect toddlers to stay in the one place and not touch so until they are old enough to do that, you need to keep them in a buggy. If you can't get them in a buggy because they hate it so much and all toddlers hate buggies you just have to be firm then it's internet shopping until they're older. It's much less stressful for you and everyone else.
Yy it's poor form that the staff member commented but it is down to the parent to stop their DCs touching and playing with items.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/09/2019 16:55

Sigh - your toddler having a tantrum does not make you a bad mother, @PumpkinP. What matters is how you deal with it - do you smile indulgently and expect everyone else to find your child charming, or do,you try to deal with the tantrum?

I have seen plenty of parents dealing with tantrumming children in the shops, and my only response is a sympathetic smile. But if I see a parent who is letting their child run wild or behave badly and making no attempt to stop them - then I do judge them.

BeardyButton · 20/09/2019 16:56

Bla bla bla, children should be seen but not heard, bla bla bla.

Loveislandaddict · 20/09/2019 16:57

Touching a mug but not taking it off the hook is fine. All kids touch things.

Playing with a car you didn’t intend to buy is not fine, unless the shop has display toys you can pick up and play with.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. Some kids are loud, but providing you had them under your care, and they weren’t wrecking the shop, you’re fine. The shop assistant was very rude.

I used to work in an shop. We had one child running around waving a mallet. The mum didn’t bat an eyelid. Another lad pulled out or the sleeping bags and wrecked the stack of shoeboxes. The dad was the other side of the shop oblivious.

Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2019 16:58

Not sure how being a single parent has anything to do with your children being loud in a shop. I’m a single mother and it doesn’t effect how my kids behave when they are out 🤣

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