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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to let DD stay over?

270 replies

mavidmowie · 23/08/2019 00:07

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 23/08/2019 00:09

You know she’s old enough to get married?

Tell us where in London and we will tell you if it’s safe.

It’s your job to teach her how to manage those risks.

user1473878824 · 23/08/2019 00:11

She’s 16 OP. I grew up in London and at 16 wasn’t exactly Bear Grylls but managed. Let her go. They’ll be fine.

tripletrouble · 23/08/2019 00:11

YANBU.

pumkinspicetime · 23/08/2019 00:14

Aged 16 I traveled all over. With mates she should be okay. Where are they staying?
What alternative solutions do you have?

pumkinspicetime · 23/08/2019 00:15

Okay sorry OP I see you are prepared to do a lot of driving instead.
Honestly I think she will be okay.
Age 17 I was at uni.

FeeFee832 · 23/08/2019 00:17

I live in London. Pick her up.

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2019 00:18

What’s the hotel, and where is it? Where’s the concert?

FeeFee832 · 23/08/2019 00:18

Also... 16! They will probs end up trying to go out and planning to get into a club.

Just pick her up. I think that's way too young. When she is 18 yes. Not 16! You'd never forgive yourself if something happened OP!

Original poster
mavidmowie · 23/08/2019 00:20

Genuinely thought I had mentioned this in the OP so sorry if a dripfreed but the hotel they have chosen is a good walk away from the concert. Google Maps says 30 mins. So concert finishes at 12:30, say it takes them 15 minutes to get out of the venue through the crowd, then 30 minutes walk so it will be 1:15 by the time they get in. That is honestly the dealbreaker for me.

OP posts:
22Giraffes · 23/08/2019 00:20

Age 16 I often travelled across London late at night, looking back I think my mum was way too lenient but that's a whole other story.... anyway yes I survived it but thinking back now I'm lucky nothing happened to me and I wouldn't let dd do the same. I'm sure my opinion will be the opposite of everyone else's! 🤷‍♀️

Knoxinbox · 23/08/2019 00:22

No way. Way too young

Dommina · 23/08/2019 00:23

Can she not get a taxi from the venue?

Dinolady · 23/08/2019 00:23

All the concerts I've been to (esp. in london) have a noise curfew of 2300. I know that's still a bit late, but it shouldn't be any later than 2330.

If you're willing to go pick them up then do that. I went to a lot of gigs when i was in school and my angel of a Dad always drove us, spent a few hours in London, and took us home.

Greeborising · 23/08/2019 00:24

It’s a no from me I’m afraid.
Far too young
I wouldn’t want my 16 year old coming out of an unknown venue in any town at 12.30am going to a hotel.

lavenderlove · 23/08/2019 00:24

I would say no way! What if they all get blind drunk knowing they don't have to go home to parents? And then can't make their way back to the hotel? They aren't old enough to know their limits yet. Also I doubt they would be going back to the hotel straight from the concert as it will be such a novelty for them. I would also worry if they got chatting to some men and they found out they were in a hotel alone. They have plenty of time for all these fun things but I don't think 16 is quite old enough

pregnantncnc · 23/08/2019 00:24

When I was just 16, I took myself off to London (from a small village in the midlands not that far from stoke) for the night to see a band with three friends. We booked the cheapest hotel possible so had to take multiple tubes and buses to get there. We weren't worldly teens at all and we had a great time, and none of our parents had a problem with it. It went much better than the time when we were 18 that we decided not to pay for a hotel and wait for the train home in the morning, let's just say that. We also took ourselves to a music festival the same summer where we got into much more trouble.

It's a bit OTT to drive down to get them, but it's a very kind offer.

I'm only in my early 20s btw so this wasn't decades ago.

I've also never heard of a concert finishing at 12.30

SimonJT · 23/08/2019 00:26

I moved to East London two months after turning 17, you can’t control what she does forever.

Why not stay at the same hotel if you really really want to be there, that way they can call you if there is a problem, rather than immediately showing you don’t trust them etc.

RainingFrogsAndHats · 23/08/2019 00:26

Hi OP.

I was born in London and still visit regularly (often for gigs) and have 17 yr old.

I thought the hotel option was BRILLIANT until you said that it was a 30 minute walk away. That would then be a NO from me.

Last London gig I went to with a hotel, the hotel was 5 - 10 minutes walk from the gig. Took 40 minutes to leave the gig. Lots of diversions in place, so couldn't just walk to the hotel. Add on another 1/2 hour.

Considered ourselves very fortunate.

Mum taxi is a hugely generous offer. Stick with it!

Your offer to be mum-taxi is fabulous. They should be snapping your hand off.

PawPawNoodle · 23/08/2019 00:27

I dont know of a single venue that has a 12:30am curfew (they're usually around 11pm), definitely not one that allows under 18s in without an adult anyway. Buses will still be running at either time to get to the hotel. And theres 3 of them. I'm sure they'll manage it.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/08/2019 00:28

What concert ends at 12:30?
Have you checked that with the venue? Most concerts finish much earlier than that, so I'd be suspicious just because of that.
I live in London, always have, and was out and about myself quite young. But 3 16 year old small town girls by themselves in an area they are not familiar with? Finding their way back to the hotel, maybe alone, maybe not, maybe followed? There's a lot that could go wrong. Are they streetwise, used to being out at night?

BettyIsABoy · 23/08/2019 00:29

Based on me and my past experience, let her go (I have lived in and around London my whole life, and did worse).

Based on my current thoughts, now I have two daughters.... absolutely not! I won't want to let them out of my sight!

poolblack · 23/08/2019 00:29

Why are they walking back to the hotel?

I wouldn't have a problem with this for mine. She is able to work out public transport in various towns and cities across the UK and is well versed in being aware and doing the best she can to stay safe.

NChangeForNoReason · 23/08/2019 00:30

I wouldn't want them walking the streets of Hanley at that time never mind London!!! Go down with them and chaperone from the venue to the hotel post concert.

Magissa · 23/08/2019 00:31

I live in London. It does depend where the concert is, where the hotel is and how sensible / Street wise they are together. Can you tell us the area?

MummytoCSJH · 23/08/2019 00:32

Eh. I went to Chicago alone for a week just after I turned 17 🤷‍♀️ as long as you know they have tickets, a way to get there and back and to/from the hotel whilst they're there, I don't see the issue.