To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

I was spending several months abroad in an unfamiliar country at that age so I’m aghast at how many people think 16 is too young to go to London overnight. Not even in her own but with friends. As long as they’re halfway sensible girls, I’d let them go and tell them to get a cab to the hotel

London at night is quite daunting. As an adult I found it difficult to navigate (I lived there for 10 years). Unless they are very confident, worldly 16 year olds good at navigating their way around big cities in the dark I’d say you’re right to apprehensive.

*be apprehensive

I had a week long holiday with friends at 16, they’ll be fine! Although I’d look at closer hotel options. London is really not much worse than anywhere else.

It would be a no from me.

It's all very well people saying they live in London and have navigated it at that age, but for the child in question, it's a brand new city which quite frankly doesn't have the best reputation - knife crime, terrorist attacks etc. I'd say the same about any other city the child didn't know.

Ask her what she'd do if she got dragged into a car by a man. Again; I'd ask this question for any city, including her home city. I just don't think it's safe at that time of night for young girls their age to be wandering around anymore, sadly. It's the society we live in which is so sad.

All the 16 year olds I know round here picked up GCSE results yesterday and headed straight for Reading Festival. One night in London will be a breeze.
I would insist on a hotel v near venue though and a taxi. Though agree with previous posters you are not being told the truth re timings of concert....

I moved out the day after I turned 16 OP. Moved 200 miles away, worked weekends/evenings/holidays and college in term time day. Rented a tiny room that just fitted a bed and a bedside table in it and lived out of a suitcase for 2 years until I went to university and could afford something bigger, and even then it was a shithole in central Birmingham. Was never once mugged, harsssed etc- came back to my home town to live with my parents for a while after uni and 2 days after being home my car was broken into in a upper middle class area in the middle of nowhere in Yorkshire.

Your daughter could get hit by a bus tomorrow crossing the street whether she’s in London, home or the other side of the world. She can legally move out, get married and have children.

I think it’s time to let her grow up.

At least offer to meet half way and stay in the same hotel or the like so if they aren’t back at a certain time you can go and find them if a issue arises.

If they break the rules and stay out to go clubbing or whatever then she has broken your trust and you will have a point- if she wants to live under your roof, she should follow your REALISTIC expectations.

Or offer to pay the difference so they can stay local to the concert so they don’t have to navigate public transport. Or offer to pay for a Uber or the like.

It would be a no from me, she is too young.
I too lived overseas at 16 etc, gigs and clubs in London, but it is more luck than judgement that we scraped by unharmed. I certainly won’t be taking the same risks with my dc.

If you can collect her and stay at the hotel in a separate room this may be a good option, or drive her home. She is still a child until she is eighteen, and at sixteen most teens feel invincible. Sadly we all know that isn’t the case.

No. 16 is too young. What sort of teenager is your DD? Is she mature and responsible? What about the friends? Can you trust them? Are they likely to drink? 30 min walk is quite far late at night in a strange city, coupled with the fact that they might be drinking. What if there is some sort of falling out between friends and one gets left behind/lost? There are too many variables, I wouldn’t be comfortable in your shoes. I think allowing them to go into London for shopping and then to the concert and being picked up after is quite a lot of freedom at 16.

I did a great many things at 16-17 yo but in a completely different environment & this makes a big difference. She's barely 16 & London is a big ask for anyone. First time in London my school friend didn't know how to get to her brother's house share. I was savvy enough to get us sorted but friend was a bit of a lose cannon being a bit naive. I can only imagine London has become more problematic over the years (I'm talking 50 years ago)

Are they going to be checking in at the hotel at 1am - I doubt they can unless it is quite a big place.

30 min walk I would say no chance but they could get a cab.

Where is the concert and the hotel?

I think leaving a big venue with 1000s of other people and getting a cab is unrealistic.

It would be a no from me at 16. Public transport doesn’t concern me, walking through unfamiliar areas of Londonat midnight does.

I do however think the OP needs to give a bit more info about the concert, venue and hotel location.

@UJustGotLittUp not creepy just old school mnetter

I travelled the world for a sport I played at 14. A smart, worldly aware 16 is more than capable of handling this. In less than 2 years they will be at uni and able to do what they want. I would probably offer to pay for the taxi to the hotel after the concert to ensure there are no transport issues but I see no issue with this plan.

YABU, there are three of them and you say they are sensible kids. They'll be okay.

Where abouts in London is the concert and the hotel? Can't she get an Uber between them?

If they're sensible that does make a big difference. And you need to check the concert times with the venue, i highly doubt it finishes at 12.30, more likely 11 or perhaps 11.30.

They could walk 5 mins away or from the venue and get an uber - you could link your accounts so you can track their journey.

I understand your worry but think you driving/being there is perhaps a little OTT when there are other ways to appease your worry. Do you have any friends living in London?

Middle class parents will say no to this quandary and others will say yes.

I was a working class girl and was allowed a great deal of freedom but but was an odd kid who did not want to do wild or excessive things. I was quiet, liked reading and wanted to be a teacher. Very boring but safe.

Marrying a middle class man, living a middle class life and working in a middle class profession I brought my DC up in a middle class way. No way would I or any other MC parent allow such unaccompanied danger as sixteen year olds out in London alone. The concert might be allowed but not the midnight walk alone or the hotel.

I think it's a bit young- I went to my first concert with friends (without adults) at 16/17 but we were dropped off and picked up if it was further away, and was allowed to go to ones in Manchester (6 miles away at the time) if we were travelling together on public transport. This was in the 90s.

I'd put my foot down and pick her up, which is a huge favour anyway given the distance involved, and they are lucky to be going at all and that you have offered to collect them. The other parents will certainly be very grateful. I lived in Staffordshire in my late teens and early 20s and would never have thought about going to London for an evening! I used to go to concerts at Victoria Hall, Hanley and if wasn't on there it wasn't happening.

Also where are they getting the money from? Who has the money for a London concert, hotel and travel at that age, even if they have a PT job?

And just because you can do things younger, it doesn't mean you should or that they have to, or that they won't ever be independent or streetwise. It's a gradual process and there is no rush to grow up. I knew kids at school who were having sex very underage, and some who were travelling from Manchester to Stoke at 14/15 with older teenagers and adults, getting in nightclubs and taking Es of a weekend. I don't think that is particularly desirable or advisable, personally.

Vital info missing here. Not enough information about the venue, the hotel (check revews) or how sensible your daughter is.

Need to know venue of both hotel and concert.

Personally it's a no, i worked in London from 19 and walked all over it day and night, not so much alone, but occasionally got the night train from my boyfriends house in Kensington back to Victoria (taxi) or night bus to Greater London - it's a dangerous place, at the moment it's really scary the amount of stabbings is frightening, I'd be very careful even offering a taxi service to be honest - id see where else in the U.K. the band or whatever they're seeing is set and perhaps guide them there

It's dangerous enough if all goes to plan, but what if something g goes wrong - too many issues, too late at night in a dangerous city

Hummm. Most pop concerts in London are in Wembley or at the O2. It would be a definite “no” to me if they were planning on walking to a hotel.

Having said that, the O2 is very well marshalled and concerts finish by 11. Getting back on the tube is v safe if crowded. So if the hotel was near a tube station and they did not walk... perhaps.

YANBU. You are offering a lift. I would say she takes the lift or doesn't go. What her friends choose to do is up to them but I would bet that if their parents knew you were offering to pick them up they would insist their girls come back too. I have a 16yo DD, over my dead body would I let her do what your DD is proposing.