To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

Op you know the kids best. We don't. I let (and paid) for Ds to go to Spain this summer with a few (very sensible) pals. He's 16 and male. Maybe makes it different. Also we're used the travelling about - we visit London quite a bit and he's pretty independent but this has happened in increments. Not all in one go! I think you picking them up is a reasonable compromise.

I wouldn't allow it, yanbu imo

I’d not be happy with the walking part but if it’s the 02 then they could easily get a black cab outside. I’d worry more about Wembley and that area.

You have to let your teens do this sort of stuff at some point, how is it any different in a years time, at 17? They’ll still be young girls.

And as a previous poster said, hundreds of 16 year olds headed off to Reading yesterday for the weekend, drugs and booze everywhere. A concert and a hotel sounds like a less worrying option!

I used to do this a lot from about 15! I’d say let her go!

London really isn’t as dangerous as the media like to suggest .... stabbings are a big problem but it’s very rarely random people involved, it’s gang on gang.

I work in London and often go out late after work and feel very safe.

Where is this concert/ hotel? London is a big place. I live there. I think we need to know details.

Absolute no from me
And you have given her a very kind and reasonable solution

Three girls at 16 who don’t know the city and will look every bit non locals are a risk

I know all about letting them grow up- have four teenagers myself, but you also have to judge a situation and this is a no

I’ve been followed in London as an adult female and it was very scary

Realistically the option is dd goes and you help her prebook an uber or find another hotel or she doesn't go. Her friends are allowed to go so they'll just stay and she will get the train back alone, which isn't ideal either.

Of course she scoffed, she's embarrassed that her mum is putting up roadblocks. All teens would especially if her friends parents have allowed it.

Im not saying she is right to scoff, i would have reservations but try to mitigate them first, but this the reality with teens. Personally i would meet in the middle with prebooking an uber or a closer hotel.

I lived on my own at 16 completely independently. It was tough. I also went to all night raves at this age in unfamiliar places. The good thing is I learned resilience that I was able to use when I was slightly older. I see some 16 year old are so young and their parents still treat them like children you have to cut the apron strings at some point. The fact of the matter is teenager want to experiment and have new experiences, it's normal. I believe 16 is a better age for this than 18 or older. The only reason I say that is as I was getting my life on track with goals knew what I wanted the molly coddled kids are just getting freedom and did not make good choices. They can get an Uber and stay at the hotel. Would you feel completely different at 18?

I have a sixteen year old DS and I am fairly relaxed to the point my mother tells me he has no boundaries (which is completely not true.) He regularly goes into London at night and then gets the train back as we’re fairly close. Keeps in contact with me so I know where he is, and on why whole has quite a lot of freedom.

I’m also not of the opinion that London is some kind of danger zone where people are routinely stabbed and so on. Generally the stabbings that happen are gang/drugs related, and while they’re certainly not something that we need to downplay, the fact that you are unlikely to just be stabbed as a random person out on the street is relevant here.

That being said, there is no way I would let him stay in a hotel 30 odd minutes away from a concert venue. I also think that she’s not being honest with you about the concert as there are no venues which carry on until 12:30, so on that basis alone I would say know as I couldn’t be sure she wasn’t there for other reasons (meeting boys they’ve met online for instance?) and using the apparent concert as a cover.

Personally I would say no - but would offer to go with them and have an adjoining room is that an option ?

London has changed a lot over the years, so the people saying I did it when I was 16 etc doesn't really compare anymore.
I also did it at 15 but there is no way I'd let my dds do it when they are that age. Especially at night! I think you saying you would drive is the best option.
What concert is it? 12:30 finish is really late!

Are you sure the hotel really does allow unaccompanied under 18s?

OP said it did, why would she not be sure? It's in the first half of the post.

The question asked is “are you really sure?” I wondered the same thing. Has she checked or is she going on the say so of her daughter’s friends. It is unusual, I’d be checking.

London has changed a lot over the years, so the people saying I did it when I was 16 etc doesn't really compare anymore.

It has changed, but does that mean it is less safe? More difficult to navigate? I doubt it. The crime statistics don’t bear that out.

12.30 is very late for the big venues. Well it's very late for anywhere. They shouldn't be walking for 30 minutes at that time. If they get an Uber then they can share the number plate, location etc with you can't they?

The question asked is “are you really sure?” I wondered the same thing. Has she checked or is she going on the say so of her daughter’s friends. It is unusual, I’d be checking.

It's not unusual at all. DD has travelled the UK stopping in Premier Inn's since she was 16. London is littered with PI's.

If OP says the hotel accepts under 18's why is anyone questioning that? Why can't people accept that OP has checked/does know

London has changed a lot over the years, so the people saying I did it when I was 16 etc doesn't really compare anymore.

I think it’s probably much safer in many of the areas of London I wandered round after the pub/club at night as an 18 year old now than it was 20-odd years ago. It has changed, but I wouldn’t say for the worse at all.

What is different is perception of risk - and as a parent your perception of risk is far, far greater than it is as a teenager.

I'm with all saying they'll be fine.
London is not the scary pit that many will paint it as. London is truly always busy, there are people everywhere even in the early hours.

However, it does depend on where in London they are going, many places are called 'in London' but aren't!

pool I didn’t know Premier Inns accepted unaccompanied 16-year-olds - but I noticed booking a Travelodge the other day that they don’t accept under 18s alone. So I’m surprised about PI and think they’re perhaps the exception not the rule. Good to know, though.

I probably wouldn’t let them stay in either Wembley or O2 but I would let them stay over. I’d book them into a hotel more centrally, a premier inn. There’s one in Marylebone. They get back on the tube with the crowds and get off at Baker Street and walk 5 minutes. It will be busy and perfectly safe for the whole journey.

I think they would be ok provided they all stuck together, but there's a large chance that they may get separated when leaving the concert in the throngs and then you'd have a 16 year old trying to navigate home on her own. Also think taxi won't work after a big concert- too many people for it to get near to the venue .

I'm in my 20s now, but at 16 I was able to go away for a week on holiday with friends and we were absolutely fine. Also went to other cities in the UK independently and stayed in hotels with a friend, we were visiting prospective Unis and it was not a big deal.
I'd say you should allow her this bit of freedom if she's generally a sensible / capable teen.

She's SIXTEEN! Tell her to get an Uber to the hotel, job done.

It won't finish at 12:30 surely? And there'll be three of them together. If she's a sensible girl, and you plan it all out with her, I think the risk is acceptably minimal. The rewards are a girl who feels competent, capable and resourceful, trusted by her mother. She could stay on the phone to you as they walk if necessary, with you helping her navigate the route.

shiveringtimber The 80s weren’t safer than now. That’s nonsense.