To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

Not a chance in hell. I live in London (and went to many a nightclub at 16, I'm amazed I survived) and I would not let three 16 year olds do this. Asking for trouble. It would be different if they knew the area and exactly where they were going. Too risky.

I'd say yes, but I would book into the same hotel and tell them to tell me when they are back there. Then I'd drive them back in the morning.

At this age it's about spreading their wings. My dad was my safety net, I want to be my child's safety net too - even if he decides to tightrope walk when I l wouldn't want him to.

Oh, and also, on the very slight chance they are being less than truthful, ,this will smoke them out.

No way not at 16, even if the hotel was next door to the venue. Your plan to pick them up is definitely a good option.
Maybe you should ask the other mums and see what their thoughts are?

YANBU but you can’t bubble wrap your children. Just try and put in safety measures for her and get one of them tracking apps for her phone so you can track her moves for the period and tell her to keep uploading stories so you can view. Tell her to call you and maybe connect with her friends parents. At least she is telling the truth. She could be mugged in the day, or followed in the day as well. Totally understand your concern though.

But pick them up is a better plan at that age

i always thought you had to be a adult-ie over 18 to book a hotel room

At 15 I went to gran canria with 3 other 15 year olds, often travelled across London and lived there.
She is 16 she could get married, move away etc. She won't get streetwise of you never let her do these things. You don't just wake up at 18 and know how to deal with these situations that's a naive idea and never understand parents who think a magic age means they can walk places alone.

Give her taxi money from gig to hotel no problem

I felt exactly the same when my daughter did the gig/London overnighter for the first time at 16. My initial reaction was absolutely not, but I remembered me and my best friend travelling to Paris for a week aged 15 to stay alone in a strange apartment to help us 'improve our French'. We learned a lot that week. Not much was how to speak better French!

I came from the back of beyond and was utterly naive but if my parents hadn't given me those sorts of opportunities I would have stayed that way.

Let her go with a long list of things to beware of. Give her the chance to start to become a bit more independent.

I know a couple have already mentioned this but if they do go definitely set Uber up and get them to share their ride so you know who’s picking them up and when they get to the hotel. Ask her if she minds setting up the find a friend app on her phone for your peace of mind so at least you know where she is. If she’s going to do what she says she’s doing, I think it’s a fair compromise.
Also I went to Ibiza when I just turned 17, it was the LAMEST holiday ever as we were all so scared and overwhelmed 🤦🏻‍♀️

I grew up in London, left 3 years ago. Go and pick her up. In fact take them for the whole trip. I left London to get my kids out of there and wouldn’t let them travel there alone until 18 when I’d have no choice but to let them if they so wished.

OP I'm from Stoke and now live in London. I would say it's a no from me.

Think of it this way, would you let your DD & her friends wonder round Hanley at 12.30 at night? If you would and you think she's street wise, then go for it but if you wouldn't let her do that in her home town, for fear of her getting into trouble, then I wouldn't let her go.

I know you can't baby them forever but I personally think there's a big difference between a 16 year old and an 18 year old.

Lost the OP?

i always thought you had to be a adult-ie over 18 to book a hotel room

And how is the fact that you didn't know something in any way helpful to the thread?

I grew up in London, still live here, it’s fine.
Every venue has hotel next to it, or it’s a bus away. As long as they know the route and don’t act silly they will be fine.
By 16 I was traveling all over the uk, by 21 working in LA. You have to let them grow up.

Ugh can't believe I've read all 10 pages and there's no response from OP.

Not that my response matters at this stage but I live in a small market town in the south west and I wouldn't have my DD walking 15 mins home from town at that time of night, I would be hesitant to do it myself in London but being from a rural area will obviously affect my perspective.

@poolblack why are you making negative comments towards someone who had a genuine question? I would have thought the same...so 3 16 year olds checking into a hotel might raise a few questions with the staff who work there 🙄

I had to walk 20 minutes to home from work the other night at 11.30pm in a quiet town (no such thing as Uber here and the taxi I had booked had broken down and nothing else available)...I am 30 years old...my anxiety was through the roof with every car that passed. I am at an age that I see danger where there may be none. I even had hairspray in my hand as a makeshift weapon () But at 16, with 2 friends by my side there would be no awareness whatsoever. A few years ago after a few drinks I left my friend's house to go home at 1am 5 mins up the road, turns out that 20 mins later, a girl was attacked in one of the spots that I walked through. She was left for dead and hospitalised. Makes me sick to think of what she went through and how easily it could've been me. If it can happen in a quiet town, it can definitely happen in a city. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have done things and been fine, but there are statistics for a reason...THEY HAVE HAPPENED!

why are you making negative comments towards someone who had a genuine question?

Someone randomly said they always thought you had to be 18. There was no question, it was just a statement. They always thought that. It's been covered over and over that you don't. The post didn't bring any sort of help other than someone saying they hadn't know something!

I would have thought the same...so 3 16 year olds checking into a hotel might raise a few questions with the staff who work there 🙄

It actually happens up and down the UK every week. Why would it raise questions? It's a perfectly acceptable and pretty normal situation.

@poolblack ok I'm backing down, I didn't think that I would be possible for 3 16 year olds to check into a hotel room (although I think that should ring alarm bells)...I stand corrected. But I still stand by my post that says as a 30 yr old walking through a quiet town being scary enough, why would anyone think that a 16 year old should have to go through that with or without friends?!

I'd consider it if the girls are sensible ones. My daughter is 15 and since she was 13 has had to get herself Philly to school and back, in dodgy areas. Late night stuff at times she has used an uber. if rules are set down and they check in regularly and don't split up ot seems like they are old enough. Most kids have got up to worse on vacation or school trips by 16 anyhow.

My husband wasn't allowed to travel with friends to Brixton to see Iron Maiden as a teen and it really upset him. He was a sensible lad and would have been fine.

My DD has been going in to London by herself/with mates for about a year now. She's 15. She can navigate the tube system and has a mental map of certain parts of London but there is NO way she'd be going in at 16 and staying overnight in a hotel. Especially if she can attend the event regardless.

Pick her up.

The girls' plan falls under the heading of "hare brained scheme."

@mavidmowie

Please come back and tell us what you decided!

What an amazing mum to offer to drive for 6 hours!

As a compromise could you could say that as you'd worry about them wandering the streets at such a late time why don't you pick them up and that they can do another weekend in London in a central hotel as long as they promise to be back by a certain time?

You know your daughter tho, if she's relatively sensible, the concert is in a central location and it's a Saturday night when you'd expect the streets to be busy and she's been to London before - (familiar with the tube/busses) I would worry but I would most probably agree to it. Kids today have phones - the girls can keep in touch to reassure you. I know I was less sensible at 18 than 16 so may be a bit of responsibility now will be a good investment.