To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

I think she’s scamming you. I’ve never heard of a concert finishing at 12.30am and I’ve been going to London gigs for years and they’re never later than 11pm. I think you’re being told 12.30am because it would make them too late for the last train home. The last train to stoke from London is 12.34am and they should have enough time to catch that.

No chance would I allow my 16 Dd to do this....

No way - I would not allow my 16 year old to do this!

Ah my parents let me do this at 16 with a friend who was a boy... who they’d never met... and who was 20. I did not have parents who were amazing with boundaries! (I was fine, and we are still friends 18 years later!)

Having said that I travelled to school on my own, went to gigs in different towns from a really young age (picked up), went to London on my own to visit friends from 13/14 on my own (from West Midlands). Nothing bad ever happened to me, the only bad things that happened to me were right under my parents noses, or when they were in London too. The worst thing I ever did on my own in London was get in an unlicensed minicab with a friend (they were much more prominent in the 90’s/early 00’s), but again I was fine.

I agree no gig that allows under 18s would finish at 1230, it might be their way of saying they have to stay over as it’s after the last train...

Just do your research. What’s the gig? Where is it? Is it actually U18s (if so they’d have to wear wrist bands showing they cannot drink but I’m sure they’re easy to hide, and I would have got a guy to buy me drinks...). What are the actual timings? Are they playing anywhere nearer? Are there cheap hotels nearer? Can you actually speak to all the parents? It sounds like they are trying to take the piss a little but all teenagers do (don’t they?). Remind them you weren’t born yesterday.

I like the suggestion someone had of you going down there and staying in the hotel too...

BUT they have to grow up some day, and my adventures in London are my favourite memories. I went to uni 2 weeks after my 18th birthday so she needs to learn independence at some point... just not by lying to you/taking the piss.

No. London family, grown up children. Both London, street smart children.
At 15 ds went to the Isle of Wight travelling alone to meet a chum staying with family.
At 16 Reading Festival with a group of friends he'd known for 8 years and we knew the families.
At 17 Malia, Crete, boys and families as above and there were conference calls and one family booked a holiday villa in a nice part with their other boys.
By 17 ours were also able to navigate an airport alone.

The circumstances the op describes absolutely no way and I don't believe the tale either. I do think, with clarity about the facts and transparency with the others' parents this is manageable though.

I find it amusing how some are saying she should be allowed as she could get married or join the arm at this age. You do realise that both those things require parental consent? So no she is unlikely to be allowed to do those things as op in not likely going to consent to them is she?

Personally I wouldn't be happy with this. If one of my children wanted to go I would either go to the concert with them and stay at hotel or DH and I would go down and have a meal and a few drink then meet them after and stay at hotel or at a push as op suggested meet and drive them home - personally 3 hrs driving at that time of night I wouldn't feel safe myself but I do find driving makes me tired.

I would be happy with this if u thought I was getting the full story. Which the OP isn’t.

@ClaudiasWinkleMan yours stands out what a lovely post

Op I don't know the answer to your question, but will risk a comment anyway - are you sure there is a concert, there seems to be lots of comments about them having to finish at 11pm.

No way. And if the concert actually finishes at 11pm, still no way. Find a hotel max 5 mins walk away or let you drive them.

I think there is a divide between those that live in the safer areas of London and the rest of the country.

Dd has been navigating the tube and rail networks of London since she was 10.

If she went to a show or the imax in London with friends in the evening I had no worries about them being on their own when they split up to get the various tubes home because I know the tubes, the West End and Leicester Square and Central London in general are packed and they would be safe.

I can understand parents in some parts of London not feeling safe when they get to near their home if they live in a not great area.

Dds bf lives in an area where there is a lot of knife crime so even though they are older they get nervous walking from the tube station to his house at night.

As long as the venue and hotel are centrally located then I don’t see a problem.

OTOH the 12.30am finish time is a red flag that something isn’t right with their story

1. Is the concert real? Check the venue and when it finishes. Some gigs won't allow under 18s without adult supervision.

1. Is the hotel a shit hole? Is there anything closer?

1. Is your daughter streetwise? Has she been somewhere without adults before? Are her friends trustworthy and sensible?

I went to gigs from the age of 14 - big venues and small ones. We walked around afterwards which is kind of dodgy thinking about it now! Then we'd get picked up or a train home. We knew the city though (not London - that place makes me anxious).

Try and book them into a nearer place. If I go to the 02 I stay at holiday in in Canning Town, not sure about trains that late though. It’s luterally about 2 stops on underground from 02

Yanbu.

I am not convinced she is telling you the full story either. I wouldn’t want to walk 30 mins from the O2 or Wembley late at night (I have lived in London for 25+ years) but there are loads of transport options from both.
The very fact she is possibly spinning you a story would be enough for me to say no.
In contrast DS1 is 16 next week and has just finished his GCSEs. He is currently camping at the Reading Festival. The difference is that he had a sensible discussion with us, sharing all the info and taking our concerns seriously.

Are you sure it actually finishes at 12.30? I'm not from London but that sounds too late.

I'd offer a lift back, or maybe meet at the hotel and drive them back the next day, so you know they're safe, but they've still got there own room etc

I agree with you, no way wld I allow my 16 year old daughter! Can u get in touch with the other girls parents? She either gets collected or she doesn't go end of!

Where is the OP?

I don’t think their age is the issue. I went to Disney Paris with my bf at the time when I was 16. My parents wouldn’t have allowed this though, wondering

It seems some people have assumed the venue is 02, Greenwich or Wembley. There are about 5 02 venues, not all of them in desirable areas, especially once you get 30 minutes out. If it's not the 02 or an equally large venue like the Apollo then the picture gets gloomier by the second.

I'm in my mid-20's and live in the 2nd most dangerous borough in London. A 16 year who hasn't experienced London at that time could struggle and would stand out as an easy mark to those that would do them harm. This is before we get to the dodginess about the time.

We've had to make assumptions because the op never came back to answer the questions!