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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
Lovemenorca · 13/08/2019 18:02

still too early for that.

Understatement if ever there was one

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 13/08/2019 18:03

He is an adult so crack on but I wouldn’t be thinking of a life time commitment with a 19 year old.

Waveysnail · 13/08/2019 18:03

19 is very young. Be prepared to be judged. But depends on the type of 19 year old he is.

Totalwasteofpaper · 13/08/2019 18:03

3 weeks!? Yes it is too early 😂

I have no idea what long term compatibility you have as you are probably at totally different life stages but I’m all for live and let live.

Out of interest did you sister meet her partner when she was 19 or older (genuine question)

Snappedandfarted2019 · 13/08/2019 18:04

Personally hes only a young lad, I would see how it goes maybe a year before introducing the DC.

Mummadeeze · 13/08/2019 18:04

Hmm, I had a one night stand with a 19 year old when I was 30 and it actually kind of felt a bit wrong. He just seemed so young. But if you are both happy then I guess that is all that is important. I wouldn’t be that happy if my 19 year old child went out with a 30 year old though if I am completely honest. I would rather they were having fun and not in a serious relationship until they were older.

Duchessgummybuns · 13/08/2019 18:05

I wouldn’t want to date any of the 19 year olds I know... but that’s me. You do you I guess.

bouncingraindrops · 13/08/2019 18:05

What do you see in someone that age?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/08/2019 18:05

It's not the difference in years that matter, it's the difference in life experience and maturity that does. I would hope that you're more responsible and sensible than to date a 19 year old at your age, especially when there's children involved. Give your head a massive wobble.

Drpeppered · 13/08/2019 18:06

I’m a lot younger than you, and would feel really weird dating a 19 year old. I’d feel weird if a 30 year old man was dating a 19 year old woman as well.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2019 18:06

Whilst the age gap isn't large, the ages seem worlds apart.

Not many teenage lads have much in common with a 30yr old mother of 2.

Just take it very very slowly and make sure he's not unhappy at home and looking for somewhere to move in to.

katseyes7 · 13/08/2019 18:07

When l was 42 and newly divorced l started seeing a 21 year old. He was mature for his age, though. We were together for two and a half years. l had no children, that would have been a massive complication.

Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2019 18:07

I have to be honest as the parent of a 20 year old DS that if he was dating a 30 year old with 2 DCs I would be a bit worried.
However if I met her and could see that actually they were a good match and they both were happy I would feel better.

3 weeks is early days though.

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:09

Lovemenorca

still too early for that.
Yes I very much agree, but it's a question I was asked by close friends when I mentioned it to them so I thought I'd get it out of the way.

Totalwasteofpaper

"Out of interest did you sister meet her partner when she was 19 or older (genuine question)"

She was. They've been together about 2 years now.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 13/08/2019 18:10

Each to their own, but i know a few 19 year old boys and they’re just that..boys!! A bit awkward, mainly talk about video games, football, beer, girls and Snapchat. Just can’t relate! But if it works, it works.

Madfrogs · 13/08/2019 18:11

Erm I’m in my late 20’s and frankly would be grossed at dating a 19year old. Would feel like dating a child.

I would be a bit 😱 if my son at 19 came home to tel me about his 30 year old gf with two children 😬

Longdistance · 13/08/2019 18:11

My best friend was 27 when she met her DP who was 18 at the time. She’s still with him, and she’s 43 like me. It can work, but she didn’t have dc. Don’t introduce him for a good while, until you’re sure and it’s more serious.
The problem with younger chaps is they can be quite immature. My bf now fiancé was really mature for his age, beyond his years, so it didn’t really factor into it. He’s a lovely guy. So yes, it can work.

timshelthechoice · 13/08/2019 18:11

Sorry, but I think that's gross, no matter who's older.

Nicknacky · 13/08/2019 18:12

I was 20 when I dated a 31 year old. It can easily work.

Nicknacky · 13/08/2019 18:13

No kids involved, to be fair.

Nonstopbuttmachine · 13/08/2019 18:13

You're 'dating' a 19 year old? What the hell do you talk about? Confused

Flerkin · 13/08/2019 18:13

It's been 3 weeks.

It's to early to even decide if its going to be serious.

In all honesty, I know several women who have dated and even married men who were 19-24 when they met and the women over 30.

All of them ended. Usually because the man was far to immature and wanted someone to provide and look after him. Some because the women didnt want more or several more children.

The ones that married ended with the women hit menopause and the men were still in their 30s.

It might be just the people I know, but its seems to work out far less often this way round than the other.

Personally, at 30 I wouldn't have even looked twice at 19 year old. Especially if I had kids. The age and life experience really puts you in different places.

Roussette · 13/08/2019 18:13

You've known him 3 weeks.
You're 30 with 2 DCs
He is 19 and its quite unlikely this relationship has got legs.
Just sayin'

P.S. Have you slept with him yet? Nothing wrong with that if you have. Just curious. It can affect what men say...

ShippingNews · 13/08/2019 18:14

I agree with WorraLiberty - it's the life experience which bothers me. A mother of two young children has a much different life from a 19 year old lad. DH and I had the same age gap when we met , but we were in the same stage of life and were both single and fancy free . You'll be having to organise child care just to go on a date - are you sure you're both ready for this unbalanced relationship ?

roxyroo89 · 13/08/2019 18:14

Oh that's pretty gross. He is a teen Confused plenty of men your own age around.