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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
Thesinisterdiagram · 13/08/2019 18:15

It’s not just the age gap, it’s the massive gap in life experience and maturity. Peoples brains don’t stop developing until they are around 25. It would be different it was say, 29 and 40, but he’s still a teenager not long left education. I think it’s weird and inappropriate.

zeezee3 · 13/08/2019 18:16
Biscuit
feelingsinister · 13/08/2019 18:16

11 years isn't a big age gap of you were 30 and 41 or even 25 and 36 but going out with a teenager when you're 30 is fucking weird and icky.

You're at completely different stages of your lives and he's way too young.

NC4Now · 13/08/2019 18:16

How did you meet?

teenagetantrums · 13/08/2019 18:17

I wouldn't worry about the age gap. My dp is 13years older than me. My 22 year old daughter is dating a man in his 40s. We all really happy. But no young children in either realtionship. Young children make it more complicated

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 13/08/2019 18:17

Just take each day as it comes and see where it goes. Enjoy yourself.

mordecaithomas · 13/08/2019 18:18

Yeah good luck with that 😂

Alloftit · 13/08/2019 18:20

Oh god I’m cringing just reading this!! He’s so young OP, you’re in completely different life stages (I bloody hope you are anyway!) and honestly, for me, it verges on creepy.
Don’t introduce him to your kids for a good long while at least.

DrierThanANunsNasty · 13/08/2019 18:24

I don’t know... I don’t really see it as an issue, but then my DD and DM were 18 years apart and were very very much in love so I don’t see any problems with age gaps. Everyone is different, everyone matures at different levels, etc. Yes there’s a lot to consider when you have DC involved and you should definitely take it slow, but you never know... he might surprise you!

managedmis · 13/08/2019 18:24

Hmmmm

DrierThanANunsNasty · 13/08/2019 18:24

Should say DF and DM!

CalmFizz · 13/08/2019 18:25

I think it’s about being at very different life stages.

Unless he has his own accommodation (not student digs), car, full time job? Pension plan?

NeedSomeTimeInTheSunshiiine · 13/08/2019 18:26

Hmm... I think it's the life phases that will cause issues rather than the number of years... if you were 45 and 56 it would be much less hassle. There's so much growing up to do in your 20s (and 30s!) so I would proceed with caution if you keep seeing him.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 18:27

My DH is younger than me and it works a treat but I think it’s far more complicated with children. If you ended up getting serious that’s a lot for him to take on.

Tigger001 · 13/08/2019 18:28

There is 11 years between myself and my DH, so I personally dont think there is a problem.
I didnt want to date 19year old lads, even when I was 19 as they were too immature, but only you know your BF. My mum used to joke she thought my dad was born in his 30s as he was always mature.

If you both get on and he makes you happy....go for it.

Dont let anyone else judgyness, put you off, he could be the one. (Dont rush into anything though, but that's because of the children not because of his age)

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:28

Yeah I agree with most of the above comments, I'm not putting all my hopes and dreams into this don't worry I'm not hearing wedding bells.
I've had zero interest in any kind of relationship since I parted ways with my ex abusive partner of 11 years, 3 years ago I've been very much single, odd date here and there but nothing serious.
My friends are very much surprised that I actually want to see someone again. (We met at a social gathering he's a mutual friend) Usually after one date I'm done.
Maybe that's why I like him, I know there's no future.

Sparklesocks

A bit awkward, mainly talk about video games, football, beer, girls and Snapchat.

He's not like that he's not into social media or football or video games. He goes to work then the gym then home, has a good home life doesn't want to move out.

I dunno... I just don't know.

OP posts:
CoolWivesClub2019 · 13/08/2019 18:30

To be blunt op - do you imagine he’ll be as interested in you when you’re 50 and he’s still only 39?

39 for a man is still easily an age when they could have several more dc for instance when at 50 you’ll likely be long past it.

Probably not. Yet here you are talking like you seriously think it may be long term when that’s very unlikely.

I think he’s probably after a shag and little more tbh...and I have no idea what you could see in such a young lad tbh, bleugh.

Durgasarrow · 13/08/2019 18:31

inappropriate.

Aaarrgghhh · 13/08/2019 18:31

I’d wait a while before introducing him to your kids, but the age gap as odd as it comes across is fine, he’s an adult. I’ll make you feel maybe a bit better, I was 19 when I met my partner, he was 36. Been together six and a half years now. The age gap isn’t actually an issue although sometimes I’ll be like “remember when such and such was on tv” then I realise no, he wouldn’t have been watching the cartoons I was because he was probably out drinking lol. As long as there isn’t any abuse the age gap is fine basically. But I’d hold off on meeting kids and family etc, it’s only been three weeks.

PositiveVibez · 13/08/2019 18:34

He's 19. Still living at home. You're 30 with 2 kids.

Yuck.

In the nicest possible way, WTF do you have in common?

That's a couple of years older than my nephew.

I would be fuming if he was dating a 30yo with kids.

BlackSwan · 13/08/2019 18:34

Seems like a fairly pointless exercise if you have kids... chances pretty slim he's going to want to stick around for the long term.

dellacucina · 13/08/2019 18:36

I disapprove when it's a younger woman and I feel the same when it's a younger man. It's icky due to the differences in life experiences and power dynamics within the relationship. I also would not expect it to last.

AHamsterOnAWheel · 13/08/2019 18:37

I disagree with pp that think it's gross and inappropriate. Not all 19 year olds are the same. A family member of mine wasn't the stereotypical teen. He was very old headed. I think it's very personal. If he makes you feel good and you are enjoying his company then there's nothing wrong with it. YANBU. If it were a 30 year old man posting this then he wouldn't have had the same reaction. Good luck and I hope he makes you happy.

Jammysod · 13/08/2019 18:37

If you like each other, it works & he's not looking to gain anything untoward... Go for it! Even it's just a bit of fun, enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Aprillygirl · 13/08/2019 18:38

If my 19yr old DS were to get with a 30yr old mum of two, to say I would not be happy would be a massive understatement Ditto if my 21yr old DD got hooked up with a 32yr father of 2. If I were you I would also be questioning why such a young lad would chose to be me rather than someone with no ties, and would definitely not be even thinking of introducing him to my kids for a long long time Confused