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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 13/08/2019 18:53

It worked for Emmanuel Macron. Just keep it as some fun and don't involve the kids.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 18:53

@neverdrinkingagain66 @Skittlenommer you sound a bit noncey

DH is 29! We started dating when he just turned 18 and I was approaching mid-20s. There is not as big of a gap as the OP’s relationship but enough that I get cradle snatcher comments! LOL!

I look younger than him though so it works! I still get young person bus tickets and get ID’d for Lottery tickets! Grin

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 18:55

@CoolWivesClub2019 Ah - so to him, you’re the ‘old fart’. Lovely. Personally I’d rather have a partner my own age so I need to be neither with an old fart or one myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

See previous post about still get young people bus tickets and regularly ID’d! Grin

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 13/08/2019 18:55

Go for it I say as long as you're not expecting anything long term and you keep the children out of it. When I was in my mid 30's i had a fling with a man 13 years my junior. It was great! Enjoy

Roussette · 13/08/2019 18:55

Men my own age bore me, I've yet to meet one who doesn't go on about their ex and how much they ruined their lives

There's very many men in their 30s not married, I didn't meet my DH till he was 35 and we've been married about the same length of time!

At your age I would've had absolutely nothing to talk about with a 19 year old. But I've always been interested in men and not boys!

girlanonymous · 13/08/2019 18:55

I'm 27 and DP is 39. So when he was 30 I would have been 18. Truthfully I wouldn't have been mature enough to be with him at that age, however I think your BF may just be a lot more mature then guys his age? Also the age gap no longer matters as you get older.

TeachesOfPeaches · 13/08/2019 18:56

I know of a woman that started going out with her husband when he was 16 years old and she was early twenties - she would pick him up from school! They have 2 children now.

AnyFucker · 13/08/2019 18:57

Of course you are comfortable in his company. He is a teenager. They are usually no threat because they are nearer to childhood than mature adulthood.

You are making my skin crawl, rather.

BlueSkiesLies · 13/08/2019 18:58

It’s been 3 weeks. You’re not even really dating yet! Casual shag at best. This is hilarious.

DieSchottin93 · 13/08/2019 18:59

I'm 26 and I feel like there's a massive generational gap between people.my age and people in their late teens. If he makes you happy fine, but personally I couldn't see myself having enough in common with a 19 year old to date them.

PixieLumos · 13/08/2019 19:00

It’s not so much the age gap as his age that’s a bit Hmm he’s literally only just an adult, and many 19 year old lads just want to have fun, not play happy families. I’m pretty relaxed when it comes to other people’s relationships and age gaps - but when the younger person is still basically a teenager, and one that still lives with his parents I think it’s a bit odd. I’m younger than you OP but I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who was 19, even 21 year olds all look like babies to me now.

Loopytiles · 13/08/2019 19:01

Dating a late teen with a big age gap says bad things about the character of the older party.

Loopytiles · 13/08/2019 19:02

I once ended a friendship with a male friend when we were in our early twenties because of his stated preference for dating 17-19 year olds over women his own age, and his reasons.

Unihorn · 13/08/2019 19:03

Very common in the hospitality industry in my experience, most people tend to be under 30 and all socialise together so noone really pays attention to ages. I've only seen one end in a marriage though and that was about 7 year age gap I think - he was 22, she was 29 I think.

nowayhose · 13/08/2019 19:03

Personally, ewwww, no.

but best of luck to you both, if it works for you then go for it.

xx

CoolWivesClub2019 · 13/08/2019 19:03

See previous post about still get young people bus tickets and regularly ID’d!

So you’re what, Skittle...36? And your dh 29?

It’s interesting you focus solely on looks...hopefully there’s more to it than that because at 35 your ‘delicious’ oh could probably still reasonable pull a 25 year old - who I doubt, at 42, you’ll look as young as then.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:04

Dating a late teen with a big age gap says bad things about the character of the older party

How does it? I highly recommend it! Grin

justasking111 · 13/08/2019 19:04

Cannot stop laughing here you could be dating my DS. If you were I would say to you, can you please ask him to tidy his room, bring his dirty washing down for me to wash, remind him to shower, brush his teeth.

BlueCornsihPixie · 13/08/2019 19:04

I agree with anyfucker

Honestly I am 24 and 19 year olds feel way younger than me (and tbh 30 year olds way older). They're so young, most 19 yr old year old boys haven't even got their proper adult body yet they are often still in the spindly stage! He's barely more than a child and still lives with his mum and dad!

Madfrogs · 13/08/2019 19:04

So he will be bragging about banging some milf, and well that’s what it will be.

I can never understand what a 30 year old man or women can see in a teenager who lives at home with their mam and dad. Lost youth and getting to feel young again.

How old are your kids op? Preying you don’t say 10+ 😬

Eightiesfan · 13/08/2019 19:04

Wow, some of the more judgey posters have immediately jumped to OP snagging naive 19 year old with the endgame for him to look after her and her kids. They are both consenting adults, it may last 3 weeks, months, years or decades. As long as they are both happy so what. Yes, it's the children who are important here and sensibly OP has chosen not to introduce them as yet. OP, after what sounds like an appalling previous relationship I say go for it and enjoy it for what it is. It may develop into something more serious or it might not but no one here has the right to judge you or call your relationship 'icky'.

MrsGrammaticus · 13/08/2019 19:04

He might be a man physically, he might be an adult legally....however the human brain isn't fully developed until 24/25 and that's a fact. So as long as you're prepared to stick in your oar 'mum style' if needed, I suppose that's ok. To me, as lovely as he sounds I couldn't view a 19 year old as an equal for this very reason. I hope he won't look back as view you as an error of youth one day OP.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:06

Have fun with him I say! Grin

SparklyMagpie · 13/08/2019 19:07

Nope! I'm 28 and would wonder what on earth I'd have in common with a 19 year old lad...and that's before i'd factor in what he'd be interested in with me being a mother

waterrat · 13/08/2019 19:07

Oh my god what miserable comments. Enjoy yourself op you are both adults