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Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
user1497997754 · 13/08/2019 19:07

When I was 29 I had a 6 month fling with a 19 year old and it was great just loads of uncomplicated sex I remember it fondly

Alexisa66 · 13/08/2019 19:07

Yes, all good and great...til you start meeting his friends, and their girlfriends. They'll be heading off to this concert, that beach holiday....but he'll say it's ok, not a bother for him. He wants to be with you etc etc etc. Then one day he'll meet your kids. Things will be good at first, then it'll be "is that our new daddy?"..... The hubby will meet him as well. Probably not be too bovered either after all..... Ya. Ok it's good man. Rock on.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:09

@SparklyMagpie Nope! I'm 28 and would wonder what on earth I'd have in common with a 19 year old lad...and that's before i'd factor in what he'd be interested in with me being a mother

As much as I’m all for a younger man I do agree having children complicates it. If I’d wanted children (or DH did) it probably wouldn’t have worked. Although not to say it can’t. We don’t have to worry about different life stages or anything like that. We’re very much equals in that respect.

strongthighedbargeman · 13/08/2019 19:10

When I turned 40 I had an encounter with a 21 year old who pursued me for a while after. I can vouch for the fact it can be slot of fun

GabsAlot · 13/08/2019 19:11

just fun then its ok but where you going to have sex round his mums house?

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 13/08/2019 19:11

Less than 12mths ago he was still a child in the eyes of the law. It's gross.

catwithnohat · 13/08/2019 19:11

I'm 10 years older than DH, met when he was a mature 20 and I was a very immature 30. We've been together 26 years.

HappyParent2000 · 13/08/2019 19:12

I’m 35 and I probably have the same interests as a 19 year old of the same gender.

Growing up is overrated.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:12

@catwithnohat I'm 10 years older than DH, met when he was a mature 20 and I was a very immature 30. We've been together 26 years

Love it!! Smile

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 19:12

Yes well I am prepared to be an anecdote in his later years of the older woman he once dated.
I have no intentions of him being my children's new daddy who are 5 and 6 not 10+ as previous poster asked. Their dad although was terrible to me is a good father so childcare isn't so much an issue.

I appreciate all your responses tbh even the bad ones calling me Icky but please no more Smile everyone in my life is so positive about it and I needed a reality check.

OP posts:
FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 13/08/2019 19:12

Actually he wasn't but it's still gross!

ashtrayheart · 13/08/2019 19:13

My friend is in her 50s and had a thing with a 26 yo! She looks younger and he looked a bit older. It was just fun for both of them and now he has a gf his own age.
He's an adult, I prefer older men but can't see the issue really. You can have very immature older adults and mature younger adults!

rubyroot · 13/08/2019 19:13

Do as you wish. Its not my cup of tea. But you are both consent g adults. When I was 19 I was with a 28 year old.

LittleAndOften · 13/08/2019 19:14

Is he looking for a mother figure? Everyone I've known who's had a big age gap with one person being very young, has had this parent-child dynamic. My cousin is a prime example - recently married to someone much, much older than him who has adopted several children by herself. He acts like one of her children much more than a romantic partner. He has lots of issues around his actual
parents so it's not a big surprise he feels comfortable with this.

Watch out for this, OP.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/08/2019 19:15

Skittlenommer it's different when you have children though (although I still find it weird). OP has a responsibility towards her children and any relationship has to reflect that. If she doesn't plan on involving the children AT ALL then it's not so bad but her saying "he hasn't met them yet" insinuates that he may do in the future.

Having a 19 year old lad playing happy families with your children would be wrong and incredibly unfair on the children. Chances are high that he won't stick around so the children shouldn't be introduced.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 13/08/2019 19:15

Oh dear. Why would you even consider introducing a teenager to your children! He's 19. It's not the age gap. It's his age and the fact that you have children.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 13/08/2019 19:15

Hmmm. When I was 19 I took up with someone who was 31 (both women, no children). It lasted four years but it wasn’t a relationship I’d recommend and I don’t think it did either of us any good (understatement). At the time we would both have insisted I was very mature for 19 blah blah but tbh now I am 31 I have no idea how she could have been interested in me.

I’m hesitant to generalise based on one bad experience (I think our age gap/my youth compounded some other issues, and I also think if I’d been older and more experienced I’d have made better choices and felt less cowed), but I have to say I’d inwardly raise an eyebrow.

AlexaAmbidextra · 13/08/2019 19:16

A woman of thirty with two kids. I should think his parents are thrilled. Hmm

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 13/08/2019 19:20

I met OH when I was 29 and he was 20 so a similar gap - we are still going strong 9 years later. I don't notice the age gap at all.

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:20

@Waxonwaxoff0 agreed. I’ve said that throughout. My DH and I probably wouldn’t have survived the age gap if either of us had wanted children! It makes it a lot easier without them as they have to come first.

TanMateix · 13/08/2019 19:21

He is an adult but, he has hardly any time to enjoy his youth, you are at different stages in your life, and I guess you don’t feel that comfortable with the idea of dating someone so young, otherwise you will not be asking if it is ok here.

placemats · 13/08/2019 19:22

I would question it if you were male dating a 19 year old woman.

If you are 40 and dating someone who is 29 then that's fine.

He will probably leave you though once you get into your mid 40s.

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 19:22

I'm not actually sure if he's told his parents I think he mentioned it to his dad who he lives with, although I do know there's 10 years between his mum and dad and his mum had two kids from a previous relationship that his dad adopted, although his dad was the older one in that relationship. 🤔

OP posts:
Lilyannarose · 13/08/2019 19:23

If it was my son, I'd probably feel a bit uncertain, but happiness is the most important thing.
I'd just be worried about someone getting hurt.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/08/2019 19:23

He's an adult, so there's nothing unethical about it. But don't take it too seriously, and don't let him take it too seriously. When I was dating a younger man, someone gave me this quote from (I think) Dan Savage, which I rather liked - "[a relationship with someone younger] is a bit like a campsite. You should always leave it as good if not better than when you got there."