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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being controlling or is this weird?

227 replies

Gomyownway · 19/03/2019 11:27

Posting here because DP told me to in order to see your responses.

DP has a female friend from his old work who I’ve never met. He just told me that he’s going to see her next week. Fine, I have no issues with him having female friends. However he then said it was to go shopping together, and buy some shoes with his end of year bonus. Is it odd that this makes me feel uncomfortable. I offered to come too (we both booked a week off work together) but he said no.

OP posts:
Tomtontom · 19/03/2019 11:30

What makes you uncomfortable? He doesn't need you there to buy shoes does he?

Original poster
Gomyownway · 19/03/2019 11:31

No it’s not that I NEED to be there. I guess I see buying clothes with a guy as something quite ‘coupley’.

OP posts:
VenusStarr · 19/03/2019 11:33

Posting here because DP told me to in order to see your responses

He thinks you're the controlling one Hmm

It's weird. What's he buying you with his bonus?

ALargeGinPlease · 19/03/2019 11:34

I wouldn't find this a problem at all. In fact, I'd feel more comfortable about shoe shopping than if they were going out drinking together, then it might cross my mind to wonder what might happen under the influence of alcohol.

GerryblewuptheER · 19/03/2019 11:34

I've been doing couple all wrong then.

I have never ever bought shoes with a single boyfriend

I think.the activity is not important

Either you trust him or you dont.

Which is it

LuluBellaBlue · 19/03/2019 11:34

It is a bit strange..... if they’re just friends why aren’t you welcome? Why does he need to see her alone if you’re off work anyway? I get wanting alone time with friends, but if my partner was off work for a week I wouldn’t then choose to see male or female friends without him and deliberately exclude him.

Elllicam · 19/03/2019 11:34

I also think it’s odd. Especially as you aren’t invited.

BlackCatSleeping · 19/03/2019 11:34

It is quite weird. A meet-up for drinks or lunch is usual, but if a former coworker wanted to meet up to go shoe shopping, I'd run a mile... unless she's a personal shopper or works at a shoe company so can get him a discount or give him great advice.

Nesssie · 19/03/2019 11:35

What's he buying you with his bonus? Why should he buy her anything with his bonus?

Sayw · 19/03/2019 11:35

It's an odd one to me. I can't think of any scenario in which I would go shoe shopping with somebody's husband. If he was a single friend who I had offered fashion advice to, then maybe. But a married friend? No.

VenusStarr · 19/03/2019 11:35

I read it as he's buying her shoes, is that right? Think I may have got the wrong end of the stick - he's going shopping with a friend, not so weird. If he's taking her shopping and buying her shoes then that's weird.

But, it's making you uncomfortable and he's dismissing your feelings which isn't good.

Original poster
Gomyownway · 19/03/2019 11:36

venus it was more I offered and he said go on then

OP posts:
Ironymaiden · 19/03/2019 11:36

I would go shopping with a male friend and help him pick out clothes, or help him pick out his girlfriends birthday or Christmas present. I wouldn’t see it as coupley.

VenusStarr · 19/03/2019 11:36

I read it incorrectly @Nesssie, I thought he was buying the female friend shoes

whatsnewchoochoo · 19/03/2019 11:36

Is he buying shoes for her or for him?

For him: fine, no issue.

For her: massive red flag alert. Not fine

GerryblewuptheER · 19/03/2019 11:37

but if my partner was off work for a week I wouldn’t then choose to see male or female friends without him and deliberately exclude him

But they dont know each other.

I would think it was weird that someone couldn't do any thing with my bringing their partner along. Changes the dynamic of the whole thing. Makes you feel under surveillance

FuckertyBoo · 19/03/2019 11:37

Maybe he is buying you something as a surprise..? Otherwise, yeah I would find that quite weird tbh. Unless they both love clothes and shoes and you don’t.

BlueMerchant · 19/03/2019 11:37

I think it's odd how you can't go along too.

FriarTuck · 19/03/2019 11:39

if they’re just friends why aren’t you welcome?
Because it's his friend, not their friend. It completely changes the dynamic of a catch-up if you've got someone's other half that you don't know there as well. You can't do the whole 'remember so and so' bit because you'd have to stop every time and explain.
I can't see the appeal in meeting someone to watch them buy shoes but maybe he thinks she's a better judge of footwear than OP? Or it's a tiny part of their plan.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2019 11:39

I also think it’s odd. Especially as you aren’t invited.

If I asked DH shoe shopping with me and a friend, he'd laugh in my face. It's his idea of hell. He'd love it if one of my many male friends went with me (only one of whom would).

With nothing else to be worried about, this wouldn't worry me.

Coldilox · 19/03/2019 11:41

I don’t think it’s odd to go shopping with a friend. I do it frequently. Why is it so weird?

Elmo311 · 19/03/2019 11:41

What is his reasoning for saying no to you coming along?

GerryblewuptheER · 19/03/2019 11:44

What is his reasoning for saying no to you coming along?

Does he need one?

Why cant a person go out with a friend without a chaperone.

If this was a man.insisting he came along it would he raising red flags about now.

Serialweightwatcher · 19/03/2019 11:45

I think it's odd and would be wondering if my DH said that to me - don't think my DH would be too keen on me going shopping with a man he'd never met either

NuffSaidSam · 19/03/2019 11:45

What if he's buying an engagement ring? Or some other gift for you? She's going along to advise. Shoes was the best lie he could come up with.....