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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
RainbowMum11 · 17/03/2019 23:09

Meh, I wouldn't be bothered.
Change the bedding if you are...

icouldwriteabook · 17/03/2019 23:10

I was talking about this with my OH the other week and he said categorically he’d rather sleep on the floor with no duvet than share a bed with his friend. If share a bed with my friend though. But each to their own.

I do also get your annoyance as it’s YOUR bed, but maybe he just doesn’t see the big deal and instead of ‘keeping’ it from you, he just didn’t think it even needed mentioning?

Or he is secretly gay. I’m going with the above

LittleBirdBlues · 17/03/2019 23:10

Hmm, I would have found that odd too. But thinking about it, i would let a female friend share our bed with me if the situation was reversed, so really why shouldn't your DH offer it to his friend?

You say there are other places to sleep in your house. Would that have required them preparing the sheets etc? Because I can imagine it got late, they had had a few drinks and just picked the easy way.

BackforGood · 17/03/2019 23:11

I think that is incredibly weird.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 17/03/2019 23:11

were you worried he'd find your sex toys?

I know there's quite a 'thing' on MN about the sanctity of bedrooms and how no one else ever has the right to even look inside them, so you'll probably get a lot of support on this thread.

But your AIBU sounds like something about nothing to me. Sorry.

Don't worry though... like I say, I think I'll be a lone voice on this thread.

MrsEricBana · 17/03/2019 23:12

No I wouldn't like that at all though - invasion of privacy.

pootyisabadcat · 17/03/2019 23:12

I have slept in a bed with female friends several times. Don't see the problem, tbh.

Dramatical · 17/03/2019 23:12

I have bed shared with friends lots of times, what's weird about it?

Alsohuman · 17/03/2019 23:13

Just change the sheets and forget it. It's only a bed.

Original poster
BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:13

It’s not weird that he shared a bed with a friend.

It’s weird that it’s our bed, in our bedroom, with all of my personal effects etc around.

Feels like an invasion of privacy.

OP posts:
Magmatic80 · 17/03/2019 23:14

Are the ‘other places’ beds, or sofas? I think if DP has mates over, bed space was at a premium due to numbers, and I was away I’d be ok with it as our bed is king size and spare room just double. Plus I’d be mortified at someone having to sleep on a sofa if there was a bed available. If people had to share a bed it makes sense for it to be ours as it’s bigger. We always give up our room when friends with families stay as our room is the biggest. It wouldn’t bother me DP sharing with a male friend, same as it wouldn’t bother him if I shared with a female friend.

Chocolate35 · 17/03/2019 23:17

I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Unless it was someone who would go through my stuff I don’t see the big deal. I wouldn’t put a friend on the sofa while I slept in my bed. I’d definitely change the sheets though.

Original poster
BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:18

magmatic Beds, with sheets on

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 17/03/2019 23:22

@Buffet with the best will in the world, I don’t think the friend cared a jot about your bedroom tat; he was likely drunk, tired and didn’t fancy having to make up a bed when there was one right there.

You sound uptight and a bit precious.

LaBelleSauvage · 17/03/2019 23:22

I'd find this uncomfortable but I'm quite private and we have a lot of spare bedrooms so it'd be completely unneccessary.

Do you have a spare room? It makes a difference if it's a choice between sharing a bed or sleeping on a sofa or the floor.

There's nothing wrong with the sharing as you have said, but I think he should have told you since it's your bed.

I hope he changed the sheets!

NoooorthonerMum · 17/03/2019 23:28

I wouldn't think this was a big deal at all. I'd probably change the bedding but wouldn't think twice about it otherwise. I would hope DH made sure there were no bras or other embarrassing junk on the floor first though

HollowTalk · 17/03/2019 23:29

I have never known an adult male share a bed with another adult male if there was somewhere else to sleep. Why would they?

cheesemongery · 17/03/2019 23:30

with the best will in the world, I don’t think the friend cared a jot about your bedroom tat; he was likely drunk, tired and didn’t fancy having to make up a bed when there was one right there.

This.

Original poster
BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:33

Doesn’t really matter what the friend thought - my bed, my house, not welcome to sleep there.

Is it really unreasonable to not want other men to sleep in your bed, when there are other places to go? He’s no friend of mine!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 17/03/2019 23:33

There were other beds. It was invasive and fucking weird considering there were other beds made and ready.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 17/03/2019 23:35

ah, this is one of those threads where you don't expect to be disagreed with, isn't it.

LaBelleSauvage · 17/03/2019 23:35

Sorry missed your post about the other beds made up!

Yes absolutely I'd have rather a guest slept in a spare room.

NoooorthonerMum · 17/03/2019 23:35

Well you're very protective over your bedroom and your bed! I'm assuming DH told him he could sleep there? It would be odd if he just came in in the night. Surely you just need to tell DH that you're very private about your bed and please can he not let other people sleep there in the future. I can see why he didn't think it would be a huge deal without you having told him though.

DramaAlpaca · 17/03/2019 23:36

I'm with you, OP. I would not like that at all.

OrchidInTheSun · 17/03/2019 23:37

I wouldn't share a bed with a friend if there were other made up beds available.

That's weird.

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