Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
QueenofmyPrinces · 18/03/2019 08:49

Think it was more likely they decided they didn’t want to worry about changing the sheets on the spare bed.....

Yes, because that’s the first thought of two drunken men when they get in from a night out.....

I doubt even sober men are considerate enough for that train of thought Smile

Eliant · 18/03/2019 08:51

Not sure what's worse, if he changed the sheets or if he didn't.

Cannot imagine DH letting someone else share our bed with him in a million years, and it's a super king so there's lots of room. If you've got a double OP, that's very friendly indeed.

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2019 08:52

Surely a bed needs changing either way? I don't see how this helps anyway.
And can't people have a good natter on the sofa. Why does it need to be in bed?

Eliant · 18/03/2019 08:55

Did you find out because you asked why he'd changed the sheets OP?

jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2019 08:57

It’s not that unusual for me to share a bed with friends. Out drinking, come back to the house, chatting, friend starts off standing at my room door chatting while she takes make up off/brushing teeth, at some point she sits on the end of my bed while chatting and at some point gets into bed (because the house is getting chilly), still chatting and fall asleep. No invitation or question ask - just natural progression of end of the night conversations.

Do folk honestly not get that good friends might not be precious about house space?

Eliant · 18/03/2019 09:01

Can't quite imagine that scenario with 2 men jellycat.

happytobemrsg · 18/03/2019 09:03

I’d just change the sheets!

ItsAMooPoint · 18/03/2019 09:04

I think there's probably a lot more innocent explanations than jumping to the fact OPs husband must be secretly gay.

No wonder some men feel the need to show off their masculinity all the time when the whole of MN assumes you must be a hidden homosexual because you fell asleep drunk in the same bed as your mate after a night out.

You'd never jump to that conclusion if we were talking about a woman.

Every time I go out with my best friend we end up sleeping in the same bed at the end of the night. I can assure you we just ate a kebab, laughed about the night and fell asleep. There were no secret sexual activities going on.

If OP is sure he husband isn't gay and he assures her his mate just slept and didn't rummage through her belongings, I don't see what the problem is. He knows not to allow it again now, I think I would just move on now.

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/03/2019 09:05

Can't quite imagine that scenario with 2 men jellycat.

It did make me smile too....

I’m just trying to picture my husband slipping under the quilt on his friend’s bed and settling down for the night because he was feeling chilly....

It may be sexist but things are different for men and women.....and like I said, I don’t know any man who would share a bed with a male friend when there are spare bedrooms available.

Luckingfovely · 18/03/2019 09:05

I think it's a natural progression and fairly common for women to do it.

Men? For some reason I think it's really weird, but even without my feelings, it is not common, and I can't think of any men I know who would do this.

And yup, I know that is a double standard. But it's still true that most heterosexual men wouldn't sleep in the same bed as a hetero male friend if there was another option available.

So who knows why your DH did it? Only he can tell you. But I'd feel the same way as you do, op.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/03/2019 09:08

Eew, men leak mysterious yellow fluid where they sleep, (like slugs!). Is that how you Found out OP, an extra man-shaped yellow stain in the bed?

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2019 09:09

No they don't!!

jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2019 09:11

No, I’m guessing they didn’t just slip into bed while taking their make up off Hmm but I don’t find it that unusual to think that two straight make friends might choose to share a bed after a night out.

My DH definitely wouldn’t, but one of my brothers would, my nephew would, two of my friends boys would and have - I wonder if it’s a age thing, or about how folk know each other. My brother and nephew do a lot of very physical sports so are used to be up close and personal with other men, not to mention being used to shower room/locker room dynamics. My DH would be scared of catching “the gay”, each to their own but nothing sinister I don’t think.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/03/2019 09:13

They do Stealth! They must leak plasma in their sleep.

raisinsraisins · 18/03/2019 09:14

BuffetLurker, how did you find out that they shared your bed?

And just to warn you, this is the type of thread that might end up in the D* M**

raisinsraisins · 18/03/2019 09:17

And yes, it is very odd. I don’t like sharing a bed with friends as I prefer to sleep alone, although girls are brought up with it being more acceptable to share beds at sleepovers etc.

There is no way my DH would share our bed with a friend, although he possibly would share a bed on a stag night etc. But different in our house.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 18/03/2019 09:18

I don't know, I've had a fair few cracking nights out and never ended up in bed with a female friend when there was an available empty bed for me.

ItsAMooPoint · 18/03/2019 09:19

Id love to see a man comment on a thread about a woman saying:

It may be sexist but things are different for men and women

And yup, I know that is a double standard

They'd get torn to shreds.

Strugglingtodomybest · 18/03/2019 09:27

It wouldn't bother me at all. I'm really surprised by how many posters are saying that their DH's wouldn't do it, presumably in case they get called gay, and by how many posters think the ops DH is gay just for sharing a bed. I honestly thought we'd moved on.

GirlcalledJack · 18/03/2019 09:28

There were other, made up beds but your husband and his friend decided to sleep together in your marital bed? That's very weird.

^^ indeed.

I would f

GirlcalledJack · 18/03/2019 09:30

*posted too soon,

I would feel the same if it was male or female friends.
If there was no other option then completely understandable but to have made up separate beds, it’s very odd.

Could it have been a very rubbish excuse for another reason your DH had to change the bed sheets?

beanaseireann · 18/03/2019 09:32

Very odd because there were other beds available and made up. I couldn't imagine dh doing it. He's shared rooms on holidays with other guys. If friends stay they get the spare bedroom.

Thatsnotmyotter · 18/03/2019 09:32

Thai all seems to focus on how weird it is for two men to share a bed. DH recently went away with work and was sharing a hotel room with a colleague. It was a room with a double (or king maybe?) bed and a sofa bed. DH and his colleague actually chose to share the bed with a nice mattress rather than have one of them sleep on the sofa bed. Neither accidentally penetrated the other.

ItsAMooPoint · 18/03/2019 09:37

Neither accidentally penetrated the other

🤣🤣🤣

thecatsthecats · 18/03/2019 09:38

Maybe I just have a big thing about 'boy smells' (hate all male body product scents, and DH won't go near them because of this - though he's happy with neutral or female body washes), but I would loathe this - even with a sheets change I'd find the smell lingered.