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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/03/2019 06:20

I'm not sure multiple people have posted their partners do this. This is not lots of people at a house party, crashing in the nearest available bed.

This is other guest beds available and they choose to sleep in the same one together. Which ever way you cut it, that's unusual mature adult male behaviour.

StarlightLady · 20/03/2019 06:24

I am not in a position to comment here as l never did understand male logic. Regardless, I don’t see this as a major issue.

I fairly regularly share my bed with best female friends through our own choices, when they stay over; it’s a friendship bed. There are other beds in the house which can be used if it’s their preference.

It’s nice to sleep with friends (and sleep is not a euphemism in this case for having sex with), sometimes 3 of us sleep in the same bed. It can be a place of serious chats and girly giggles.

To criticise men for doing the ssme would be a tad hypocritical.

scubadive · 20/03/2019 07:48

You have every right to expect privacy of your own bedroom and bed!!!!! I would be appalled if a friend of DH came in my bedroom let alone my bed. Completely not ok, it’s disrepectful and I can’t believe how many think this is ok.

teyem · 20/03/2019 08:29

To criticise men for doing the ssme would be a tad hypocritical.

Who has criticised them for sleeping in the same bed? Almost exclusively those have raised an eyebrow have simply said that they find it unusual - and here unusual is clearly meant to be understood as atypical.

IdaIdes · 20/03/2019 08:32

The invasion of the bed would be my least concern if two grown men with other options chose to sleep together....

BingisaweeArse · 20/03/2019 09:24

Op isn't likely coming back now but if you aren't concerned about wether there was anything more sinister to it than them falling asleep then I don't get the thread.

Yes your privacy was invaded but maybe one or both of them were absolutely mashed and just fell into the nearest bed. Op hasn't really given any context as to how she thinks it's come about, has she?

Any way unless you think they are shagging then i would just reiterate that it's not cool and to make sure it doesn't happen again as it weirds you out sharing your private space with others.

TheLastNigel · 20/03/2019 09:33

Is it not just that then man got a bit pissed up and fell asleep in a random place?-it happens.
One of our friends once crawled into the bottom of our bed when h and I were in it and fell asleep (after a night out).
We just found it funny really...
I don't think there is anything deliberate in terms of privacy invasion or anything dodgy here Confused

chickensub · 20/03/2019 11:13

Did they fall asleep fully clothed or were they naked in their jammies? Drunkenly falling asleep is understandable, choosing your bed over others is odd.
Privacy wouldn't bother me too much.

Check your lube drawer - is it used?

Bluntness100 · 20/03/2019 11:22

It’s nice to sleep with friends (and sleep is not a euphemism in this case for having sex with), sometimes 3 of us sleep in the same bed. It can be a place of serious chats and girly giggles

Do you actually know any grown men, who do this? Get into the bed together, two or three of thr, and have chats and giggles?

As a pp said, what's being said is this is not typical Male behaviour, it's highly unusual. So it's not about what you do with your friends, or criticising them for doing it, it's about the fact it's highly unusual for mature men to get into a bed together for chats and giggles when other beds are available.

So do you know any grown men who do it?

teyem · 20/03/2019 11:39

So do you know any grown men who do it?

And I'd like to ask, would it be odd if your Dad did it?

MerryInthechelseahotel · 20/03/2019 11:54

Do people often drink/smoke/chat with their friends in bed? My friends and I usually sit on the couch. I would think it was odd if one of them suggested we get in her bed to do those things.

This ^^

Very funny thread. Has cheered me up!

raisinsraisins · 20/03/2019 14:57

I’m surprised at how many of you regularly sleep in bed with your friends! I’m in my late 40’s and I’ve never got into bed with a friend to eat and chat, and the only time I’ve ever shared a bed with a friend is if we’ve shared a hotel room. Am I unusual then?

Sexnotgender · 20/03/2019 15:02

I’m surprised at how many of you regularly sleep in bed with your friends! I’m in my late 40’s and I’ve never got into bed with a friend to eat and chat, and the only time I’ve ever shared a bed with a friend is if we’ve shared a hotel room. Am I unusual then?

I don’t do it either! I can’t imagine inviting friends over and being like... hey, want to go sit in bed and chat?

That’s what living rooms are for.

StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2019 15:16

I have only once in my adult life shared a bed with a platonic friend, it was actually my sil. I spent the evening hanging on the edge of my side and barely slept and I think she did the same. She's lovely and I like her a lot but we're just not that close :) we're certainly not into girly giggles

ShowMeTheKittens · 20/03/2019 15:50

So long as it was not a Brokeback Mountain situation ... no actually I would go mental.

Kerrygem80 · 20/03/2019 17:58

Hi there,
Unless you have reservations about your DH's sexuality I personally don't see the harm in two men sharing a bed. I can appreciate that it's YOUR bed but in all likliness the two of them were too drunk to even have a conversation let alone sort out sleeping arrangements x

Justanothervoiceintheworld · 20/03/2019 18:30

That sounds very fishy. One, he knew you disapprove of people coming into the private place. two, there were other beds to sleep in the house. Three, it was hidden and in fact you were attacked for finding out. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a "prude". Your instincts are telling you something is wrong with the story and sadly I do not think you will get the whole truth. I wondered the same thing as I have never shared a bed with a friend so I asked every friend and some strangers if they would do the same. The answer was no way not if there was another option, some would rather sleep on the floor drunk or not. My main question after reading this is: how do you know what friend stayed in the bed?

Nearly47 · 20/03/2019 19:21

I'd absolutely hate that. Your YANBU.
DH here tells me he wouldn't share a bed unless necessary.

covetingthepreciousthings · 22/03/2019 12:01

Has the OP not updated at all since?

Nearly47 · 22/03/2019 12:45

Nope. I think we upset herHmm

beanaseireann · 23/03/2019 14:47

Did the OP BuffetLurker ever come back or was she a journalist writing a sh*t article

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