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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 18/03/2019 05:58

No. Not in my bed. DH grew up sharing a bed with his bro. But I'm fairly sure it'd be his last choice now.

Mummaaon · 18/03/2019 05:59

I find it uncomfortable- not that they shared a bed but that's you're private space, that's your intimate area - you have every right to be pissed x

HarrysOwl · 18/03/2019 06:05

I'm a very private person.

But I really wouldn't care/mind and I definitely wouldn't be over thinking it like this.

And WTF at the posters chiming in with 'he must be gay/bisexual.' Of COURSE.

Hmm
sailorsdelight · 18/03/2019 06:08

I have shared beds with male and female friends over the years! We have also given up our bed on occasion to guests ( health/back issues) so I wouldn't be fussed but would get DH to change the sheets.

meow1989 · 18/03/2019 06:10

It's odd because there were other beds available but I don't get the privacy issue really. My house is full of my stuff not just the bedroom. Youd hate my house as our living room is in the same floor as our master bedroom so if we have guests over and we're in the livingroom, they're very welcome to use the loo in our en suite rather than go up or down stairs.

GnomeDePlume · 18/03/2019 06:17

The only time my DH would consider sleeping next to another man would be if he was stuck on a mountainside in high winds and freezing temperatures (even then he would check out rocks as likely sources of warmth).

Chatting and fell asleep? No, why would they be chatting in the bedroom?

All sounds decidedly odd to me.

megrichardson · 18/03/2019 06:36

I would be livid! I don't want some random bloke's arse, pubes and BO rubbing on my side of the sheets all night. Nor do I want a bloke's dog-breath into my pillow. What a bloody cheek.

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2019 06:43

I'm with the people saying very odd :) DH went on a walking holiday with family and shared a room with his brother, he wasn't impressed when one night they had to share a bed! Maybe we're the strange ones.

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2019 06:44

Althouh in fairness it is about the sleeping with my DH for me. If you've ever stayed in a hotel you'll have had some man's dog breath in your pillow

anniehm · 18/03/2019 06:46

It's culturally odd but my (female) friend has slept in my bed admittedly when there were no other spaces, in fact Dh has slept on the sofa and let her share with me in the past. Not sure why it's weird for men?

megrichardson · 18/03/2019 06:46

Yes but I chose to go to a hotel and risk dog-breath pillow. One of the things I love about my bed is it's unsullied-ness (is that a word?)

And yes, it is odd too, the sleeping in the same bed thing.

StealthPolarBear · 18/03/2019 06:47

Fair point! Sore point for me as we're about to air bnb :(

jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2019 06:50

This honestly wouldn’t bother me - it’s a bed, sheets can be changed and washed, I’m sure the men my husband is friends who th know what a bra, women’s knickers and moisturiser look like - and oddly enough I’m not embarrassed to admit I use things like bras.

I’d be more worried that DHs pants might be still on the floor than that his friend might be in my bedroom. I’m saying that, if my DH found a friend had fallen asleep in his bed he would most likely have gone to the spare room - leaving the friend in our room on their own. Which still would have been ok with me.

megrichardson · 18/03/2019 06:51

LOL! Sorry @stealthpolarbear

flugelhorn81 · 18/03/2019 06:51

Yeah I get it OP, it isn't about sharing a bed full stop - that wouldn't bother me - but sharing our bed would! And I don't think I'd share our bed with a female friend, I'd share the spare bed if anything.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 18/03/2019 06:51

I wouldn't care a bit, but I would ask DH to wash the bedding 😁

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/03/2019 06:52

Is your DH quite young? I remember at one point in the Ulster rugby rape case the defendants saying that it was not unusual for them to sleep in the same bed after a drunken night out and I wondered then whether this was just something men younger than my generation of men were more laid back about.

Most straight men of my generation that I know (I'm in my late 40s) would very much prefer not to share a bed with another bloke!

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/03/2019 06:54

A bit odd I agree if there were other places to sleep. But they were probably pissed and it was convenient. Change the bedding and move on

Barrenfieldoffucks · 18/03/2019 07:11

I wouldn't like it either. And would find it odd if there were other beds made up and ready.

The immortal MN catchphrase springs to mind...what if this was a woman we were talking about?

BlimeyCalmDown · 18/03/2019 07:17

It's weird that he would sleep in your bed when there was a ready made up be available elsewhere. I'm sure it won't be happening again though (assuming you've made this clear to your DH).

I do share a bed with mates if staying over but would go to a spare bed if there was one.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 18/03/2019 07:21

Totally weird if other beds are available

YANBU

Gruzinkerbell1 · 18/03/2019 07:25

It’s bloody weird considering there were other ready made beds available. Did DH forget you have a guest room?!

llangennith · 18/03/2019 07:28

Your DH obviously thinks of it as his bedroom too, just as you think of it as yours.

gamerwidow · 18/03/2019 07:34

This wouldn’t bother me I’d just change the bedding.
That’s irrelevant though because it does bother you and your DH knows that so it was selfish of him to do it knowing there were other options easily available.

Booboostwo · 18/03/2019 07:37

If a happily married, heterosexual woman shared a bed with a femal friend would you assume this was odd, weird and sexual? Probably not, but we apply double standards to men, standards which are sexist. Women can have friendships which include physical elements, like hugging, as well as intimacy and closeness, like chatting in bed until you fall asleep. But men must avoid all appearance of being effeminate, emotional, close to their friends or enjoying non-sexual physical intimacy.