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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

321 replies

BuffetLurker · 17/03/2019 23:07

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 19/03/2019 21:11

I'd say it was equally odd had he shared the bed with a female friend when there were other beds available, I'm equal opps that way.

I don't like the thought of someone else sleeping in my bed, that's about the long and short of it.

Pegnes · 19/03/2019 21:21

I just asked DH and he said that he wouldn’t ever do this and especially if there were other beds available!

I know he has had mates stay over numerous times over the years and they have slept in the spare room, couch etc but never together in a bed.

How did you find out about this OP?

I must admit I have shared a bed with friends before however, DH wasn’t too happy when he found out my friend slept naked on his side of the bed 😂😂

dragonsfire · 19/03/2019 21:21

Love abit of casual sexism on a Tuesday 😂

If this was other way round half these comments wouldn’t be as they are!

They got pissed were probably talking and fell asleep- no drama lama.

OP being abit precious but if have requested no one Male or female go in there can kind of understand the issue but really it’s not a serious issue is it 🤷‍♀️

Sexnotgender · 19/03/2019 21:23

I just asked DH and he said that he wouldn’t ever do this and especially if there were other beds available!

Haha, me too. His response was ‘he’s gay’.

ilikemethewayiam · 19/03/2019 21:28

Totally with you OP! I am very OCD about hygiene! I would be revolted by the thought that some drunken sweaty bloke I don’t know slept on MY side of the bed uninvited. Actually I am retching at the thought! And my DH would be six foot under by now!

VioletBlu · 19/03/2019 21:29

Each to their own of course, but I would say if there was other beds available then for a friend to actually share a DH's marital bed with him, taking the bed space of a DW is... a bit odd?! When he could have had a bed of his own. Not the oddest thing but I wouldn't say it's the most usual choice.

feelingsinister · 19/03/2019 21:33

@ilikemethewayiam Unless you have a disorder which negatively affects your life and has a severe impact on your mental health, you do not have OCD.

Being clean, even clinically so doesn't mean you have OCD.

SirVixofVixHall · 19/03/2019 21:43

I guess women can be pretty sexist too
It isn’t sexist to say that men smell different , and sweat more than women. They do.

BlackPrism · 19/03/2019 21:44

@onegiftedgal you wonder why he didn't just sleep on the floor? Because that sounds really uncomfortable and bad for his back when there was a bed right there... how strange of you

BlackPrism · 19/03/2019 21:47

Agreed @feelingsinister I have actual OCD and wouldn't be bothered by this. Very offensive @ilikemethewayiam

Herefortheduration · 19/03/2019 21:49

It wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't think he was gay either. I don't understand the whole marital ged is sacred thing,

Deminism · 19/03/2019 21:52

I think it is weird tbh

Deminism · 19/03/2019 21:53

Weird they did it I mean. Not weird you are weirded out by it.

MyFavouriteDress1 · 19/03/2019 21:57

I’d be weirded out by it but not because of privacy issues.

wafflyversatile · 19/03/2019 22:01

You and your dh have different views. I don't think either is wrong. It doesn't have to be a big drama. Tell him you get he just did what he thought a sensible solution at the time but as you don't like it please have a different solution in future.

Yabbers · 19/03/2019 22:01

YABU for “invasion of privacy”

I’d be more concerned with why they shared a bed if there were other options.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 19/03/2019 22:02

Wouldn't bother me at all I would just change the sheets

BackforGood · 19/03/2019 22:19

I'm genuinely confused why men (or their partners) would find it so unacceptable for two men to share a bed.

It isn't about 2 men, for me, anymore than 2 women - it is about sharing very personal space when you don't need to. I've shared a bed with a friend before, probably on different separate occasions- when staying in student accommodation or to save money booking a separate room in a hotel or whatever, but when there are two perfectly good beds in separate rooms, then it becomes odd that you would sleep in someone else's bed. It is the fact there was no reason to.

onegiftedgal · 19/03/2019 22:28

@BlackPrism I wondered why he would want to sleep in someone's used bed sheets. If that is considered strange then I'm glad to be strange 😂😂

puppy23 · 19/03/2019 22:32

YANBU - I like my bed being 'my space' too

ILiveForNachos · 19/03/2019 22:57

@bluntness100 as in, they wouldn’t have even been thinking about where the slept or the connotations of what others might think. They might just stagger in a room, spot a bed and get in. When we’ve been at massive house parties I’ve found 3 of them passed out in a bed and none of us (girlfriends, wives, friends) think anything of it.

I asked my husband and he’s totally baffled too by people’s responses. He agrees, if the wife doesn’t like people in her bed and her husband knew this and didn’t stop it (IF he was awake to do so) then it’s a bit out of order and it’s ok for her to hate someone else in her bed BUT can’t understand the fact that 2 men slept in the same bed being a thing that must mean they are gay/ cheating/ strange.

Him and his friends are the loveliest group of men I’ve ever met and totally comfortable with who they are and what they are about and so they don’t give two shits if they end up sharing a bed. Believing men can’t share a bed/ do what women do in female friendships feeds the perceptions that lead to toxic masculinity in my opinion.

(The first bit is directed at you @bluntness100 the rest is just general thoughts!).

Eliza9917 · 19/03/2019 23:55

Is it unreasonable to not want other men in the bed

Just change the sheets Hmm you weren't expected to share with him and weren't there. What's the big deal?

HollywoodBoulevard · 20/03/2019 01:02

I would really hate it. i would feel extremely upset at someone sleeping in my marital bed and I've been reading this and not understanding at all how people are ok with it! One thing is that I have psoriasis and our bed is usually a bit flakey, even though I change the bedding twice a week. I also have different pillowcases for when I sleep with scalp treatment on etc. I would hate the idea of anyone sleeping on it.

I also think I've had unusually bad experiences sharing beds - I'm an only child and therefore not used to sharing spaces and maybe at 12 years old I stayed over at a new friend's house, it was absolutely filthy and we had to share her single bed with no sheet on it.

Then when I was 13 my mum, dad and I went abroad and took a family friend with us, I had to share a room with the family friend (in her 40s) and it was a tiny room with two singles practically pushed up against each other, I had to listen to her masturbating each night.

Then at around 18/19 I went away with friends, shared a hotel room and double bed with a very good mate who then brought a bloke back and started foreplay or whatever with me in the bed! I stormed out and slept on the floor of another friend's room.

I just can't...

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 20/03/2019 01:08

I don't see an issue. Just change the sheets.

Teacher22 · 20/03/2019 05:56

I should put this one down to experience ( men are lazy gits who will always take the default easiest option) but set rules for the future. Tell your DH that you regard your bedroom as sacred, private space and that no one is ever to invade it again.

Also, I concur in changing the sheets.