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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is not my business but I need a rant...

237 replies

PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:00

DH and I fall out sometimes about god not encouraging his DDs to take responsibility for themselves. They are 12 and 14. He still has to remind them to brush their teeth and shower etc.

They were here this weekend. We live 200 miles away but DH works in the same town as them all week so brings them back with him on a Friday and drops them off on a Sunday on his way back.

I washed their school uniform and DH ironed it. He moans that his ex never irons it and it only gets ironed here. I have suggested he teaches them how to iron it themselves but he doesn’t (he taught my DD to iron with a travel iron when she was about 10).

Tonight he has dropped them off (he rushes around gathering their things and something usually gets left, like school shoes or coats) and they have left their uniform in his car.

He has asked his ex to meet him (it’s a 30 mile round trip from where he is to her) and she says she can’t as she has had a drink.

He says he will meet her tomorrow after work meaning the kids will be unable to go to school tomorrow as they have no spare uniform.

So what the fuck does this teach them about taking any responsibility? That they get a day off school? I think it’s bloody disgusting from both parents.

OP posts:
Dermymc · 10/02/2019 22:01

He should drive back with the uniform. Or the kids go in with no uniform.

MamaWeasel · 10/02/2019 22:02

Yanbu

bababoom100 · 10/02/2019 22:03

YANBU.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:03

Tbf it’s a ferry journey and he’s just driven 200 miles.

I have said they should meet halfway first thing in the morning.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 10/02/2019 22:03

Surely they have more than one uniform though.
Would you not only have washed what they were wearing on Friday?

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 10/02/2019 22:03

I think you are overestimating God's influence tbh...

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:04

Or send them to school and let them accept the consequences?

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:04

Sorry that was a typo Blush

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 10/02/2019 22:04

What?
No spare uniform?!
Confused

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:05

They have one uniform. Their shirts are grey.

I said to DH I would go to Primark this week and get them some new shirts.

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 10/02/2019 22:05

The kids go in non uniform (but surely there is some spare???) and a note explaining why they aren’t in uniform or missing a blazer and tie for example.

At this age, don’t we all say things like- have you got everything? Do you have your uniform? Do you have your PE kit? Have you done your homework?

Or is it just me that reminds my kids??

Handsfull13 · 10/02/2019 22:05

If he taught your dd to iron then maybe you need to teach his. If he's not bothered about giving them responsibility but you are then you might need to take it upon yourself to teach things. It's not fair to put it on you but it will help you in the long run.

They can go to school they just might have to wear PE kit or something appropriate. Giving them the day off teaches them there are only fun consequences.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:05

TBF it’s one of those uniforms with a blazer and a specific skirt that costs about £35.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 10/02/2019 22:06

I’d agree they should be taking responsibility. Do they really only have one set of uniform though? Fair enough if they only had one blazer but surely they have more than one set of trousers and shirts or whatever the equivalent is

BornInAThunderstorm · 10/02/2019 22:07

They only have one set of uniform? Shock

I have to admit I admire their capacity to not ruin the single set.

Ameliablue · 10/02/2019 22:07

Why no spare uniform and why should that stop them going to school.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:08

It’s a specific (expensive) skirt.

I am just fuming because the ripple effect when they are here of them not taking responsibility annoys me and I spend a lot of time walking off and biting my tongue.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 10/02/2019 22:09

They should go to 🏫 anyway, and someone needs to buy them a spare uniform Shock

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:09

The single set is not in good condition.

We buy school shoes and coats.

OP posts:
BornInAThunderstorm · 10/02/2019 22:09

If Dp works near them can he not set off earlier in the morning to drop uniform off?

Its not ideal but surely they shouldnt miss a day just for this

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:10

The other week they left their ties which I reluctantly posted and didn’t even get a thankyou.

My ex used to get my kids to come home and change while he sat outside so I had to wash the uniform Hmm

OP posts:
curiousierandcouriser · 10/02/2019 22:11

I'm shocked that they only have one uniform. Are these washed every night? I would always have at least 2-3 in case something like this happens or I could be bothered to do laundry.

Anyways, I would say to send them to school and accept consequences. 12 & 14 are old enough to pack a bag and remember their only uniform.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:12

It’s not near it’s in the same place he lives where he works.

It’s a ferry and then a 30 mile round trip but he should arrange to meet her somewhere. They have time off school for all sorts, Birthday treats, mum can’t be arsed. It’s disgusting.

Petrol comes out of our joint account Angry

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2019 22:12

They only have one uniform? I understand not having loads but literally only one of everything?

Do you have the means to buy a second set so they always have some?

I agree that there should be more responsibility taken.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:13

Tbf I wouldn’t wash a school uniform every night, just a clean shirt and underwear everyday surely?

OP posts: