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Original poster

This is not my business but I need a rant...

237 replies

PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:00

DH and I fall out sometimes about god not encouraging his DDs to take responsibility for themselves. They are 12 and 14. He still has to remind them to brush their teeth and shower etc.

They were here this weekend. We live 200 miles away but DH works in the same town as them all week so brings them back with him on a Friday and drops them off on a Sunday on his way back.

I washed their school uniform and DH ironed it. He moans that his ex never irons it and it only gets ironed here. I have suggested he teaches them how to iron it themselves but he doesn’t (he taught my DD to iron with a travel iron when she was about 10).

Tonight he has dropped them off (he rushes around gathering their things and something usually gets left, like school shoes or coats) and they have left their uniform in his car.

He has asked his ex to meet him (it’s a 30 mile round trip from where he is to her) and she says she can’t as she has had a drink.

He says he will meet her tomorrow after work meaning the kids will be unable to go to school tomorrow as they have no spare uniform.

So what the fuck does this teach them about taking any responsibility? That they get a day off school? I think it’s bloody disgusting from both parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:14

No we will not be buying a spare uniform.

We pay for a lot on top of maintenance anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:15

And things are constantly lost and broken.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2019 22:18

Tbf I wouldn’t wash a school uniform every night, just a clean shirt and underwear everyday surely?

Depends - my son is much younger so muckier but his jumper is rarely suitable for a second wear. Trousers MIGHT get a second wear but not guaranteed.

Personally I’d be looking for the easiest life possible and therefore buy a second set so this wasn’t an issue given how difficult it is to rectify.

Orchiddingme · 10/02/2019 22:21

My kids all have a spare uniform and they live in one house all the time! But ties go missing and the odd times my dd has been out on a Fri she's forgotten the blazer. No trouble to have duplicate shirts.

I think for £35 this is really obvious and silly to continue handing over uniforms/posting ties but I get that it is frustrating that you are always the one running around to fix it (you personally). I think having more items is the way forward here, there's bound to be things forgotten with two handovers a week.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:22

We cannot afford to buy a second set.

We pay £550 maintenance a month, we pay for all petrol, we pay for phones, we pay for shoes and coats - it goes on and on and on and the girls lose things and numerous phones have been broken and lost and replaced (which I objected to) and we fill all the gaps we cannot afford, we are not a bottomless pit of money.

We have a budget.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:23

We have them every other weekend - they never go to school from our house.

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Orchiddingme · 10/02/2019 22:23

I meant to say that the expensive uniform school has a summer sale or an all year second hand clothes service so you can pick up a second set really cheaply.

The cheaper school uniform that the other child has is, well, cheaper and so I have a spare tie, shirt and skirt (not blazer) so if needs must they could go in with that.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:24

And it’s not £35 is it? It’s two skirts at £70 and they two blazers which are probably £60 and two ties which are £5 each etc etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:24

They don’t need uniform here though? The uniform they have at home gets lost constantly too so it’s like throwing money in the bin.

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Nofunkingworriesmate · 10/02/2019 22:25

The school will have spares/lost property, friends will have spares

Orchiddingme · 10/02/2019 22:26

They don't go to school from your house, but their uniform is washed at your house and has to be transferred back. Surely it would be easier to have two sets! I get it is expensive, but if they lived with you full time you would have to pay for a set anyway, this is a normal parental expense and given that this has gone wrong and you had to post a tie the week before, I'd have thought it was less expensive than the post, the petrol and the angst this is now causing.

C0untDucku1a · 10/02/2019 22:26

Im appalled they have no spare uniform, not even a shirt?! I unerstand no spare blazer and tie but bloody hell these girls are neglected.

I assume you pay the petrol because your dh moved away?

callmeadoctor · 10/02/2019 22:27

Yes the kids should be responsible, but its not their fault that there parents are separated and so it is up to their dad to make sure that they have their school uniform IMO.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:28

I cannot see any point in paying for extra uniform (that we cannot afford to buy anyway) that would compound my frustration.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:29

He did - the uniform was washed and ironed in the car, they just didn’t take it.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:30

Not that it’s relevant.

Both parents have moved around and DH deliberately got a post near them so he could see them in the week.

OP posts:
Orchiddingme · 10/02/2019 22:31

Well, he left it in the car too, this is understandable, accidents happen.

If they had two sets then if one was left in the car with him, they would still have a full set at home so could go to school whatever happened to the weekend set.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:34

They get out of the car and take their stuff out of the boot.

They are 12 and 14, they know the uniform is there, they put it in there. It is their responsibility.

Yes, their mother can buy them a skate set or let them skive off school campsite?

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:34

*Buy them a spare set or let them skive off can’t she.

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abbsisspartacus · 10/02/2019 22:35

Get insurance for the phones or buy them a brick phone it teaches responsibility my friends daughter has had the "phone of shame" a couple of times for being careless with her phone her phone is sent off for repair when her mom can afford it and not before

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 22:35

  1. he should’ve checked as they were getting out of his car that they had everything. That’s just parenting. We all do that with our kids.

  2. he should have driven back over with them when he realised he had them. Yes it’s a hassle but they’re his kids and he dropped the ball as well as them. It happens. Sometimes we have to do things we’d rather not for our kids. I really wouldn’t want to be part of any excuse for them not being in school.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:36

We have done all of those things with the phones.

DSD1 broke 5 phones in one year.

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 10/02/2019 22:37

How is it not your business? if you are washing and paying and being effected by all this, totally your business

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:37

I would have stopped replacing after phone number 2.

OP posts:
MzHz · 10/02/2019 22:37

Rant away, but then just back off. Leave em to it.

The kids attendance is their responsibility, the mother’s decision

If your oh wants to do anything, he should call the school and explain what’s gone on, drop them in it and let them wise up.

The girls are plenty old enough to take responsibility for themselves, their attendance, and their uniform.