This is not my business but I need a rant...

[PooleySpooley]

DH and I fall out sometimes about god not encouraging his DDs to take responsibility for themselves. They are 12 and 14. He still has to remind them to brush their teeth and shower etc.

They were here this weekend. We live 200 miles away but DH works in the same town as them all week so brings them back with him on a Friday and drops them off on a Sunday on his way back.

I washed their school uniform and DH ironed it. He moans that his ex never irons it and it only gets ironed here. I have suggested he teaches them how to iron it themselves but he doesn’t (he taught my DD to iron with a travel iron when she was about 10).

Tonight he has dropped them off (he rushes around gathering their things and something usually gets left, like school shoes or coats) and they have left their uniform in his car.

He has asked his ex to meet him (it’s a 30 mile round trip from where he is to her) and she says she can’t as she has had a drink.

He says he will meet her tomorrow after work meaning the kids will be unable to go to school tomorrow as they have no spare uniform.

So what the fuck does this teach them about taking any responsibility? That they get a day off school? I think it’s bloody disgusting from both parents.

No idea. I’m almost afraid to guess as I’m sure i’ll Say the wrong thing.

Do you think I think it’s awful?

Do you think I feel torn?

Do you think you saying it’s awful helps?

Or I am just a third person in a situation where the actual parents struggle to parent because of their own backgrounds and I just try to support them and the children the best way I can?

Bullshit more uniform is too expensive. My kids uniform is considerably more expensive than your quote and we have uniform for every day. I haven't bought any of it new. PTA sales, second hand uniform shop, school fairs, Facebook groups, freecycle, free uniform shops, just a few ideas. One set of uniform is just stupid. Who is time to wash every night?!

When you pay maintenance it is not the NR parents responsibility to buy uniform on top of school shoes and coats.

When you pay maintenance it is not the NR parents responsibility to buy uniform on top of school shoes and coats.

So the NR parents responsibility is only financial?

I have said this so many times. Their father has a moral and emotional responsibility to ensure their needs are met. Yes the mother is clearly failing them, but he isn't stepping up either.

The way you have talked about YOUR frustration and YOU being pissed off speaks volumes.

Meanwhile these girls are suffering. It's not rocket science to work out as a parent you help your children now is it?

Oh FFS I needed to vent.

I said I needed to vent. I am not venting to the kids here am I? I have nowhere else to vent.

Around then I am the perfect extra adult.

We do and have done so much to support the girls and he has stepped up massively he has basically stalled his career to be posted where they are to be nearby.

I can't imagine seeing my child wearing old clothing and knowing they didn't have enough, but refusing to buy them more because I paid maintenance. No one has these kids best interests at heart and it's sad.

So what I would do in this situation is check with cms pray we are overpaying if we are pay her the exact amount use the deficit to cover school uniform and extra expenses

Your a step mom it's tough watching him be Disney dad when you cant be that kind if parent even with your own child it's unfair but something needs to change even if you split your finances to give you and yours equal financial status as him and his

They seem to be taking the piss even your partner

You clearly have issues with these girls, it was there before, but in these posts, it's coming through loud and clear.

And yes, it is your business, these are your children too, they're your step children, they are your responsibility and business.

Step children are parents responsibility first and foremost and the mother and father have made it clear her input unless it benefits them ,(not just the children) is unwelcome

OP take a step back. You are not failing these girls, their mum is and to some extent their dad on occasions. It must be very frustrating to be the one doing the bra buying and shoe getting and then have this taken out of your control by things being lost/dirty. I guess you are all tired as well with the traveling/disruption and teen girls are, well, teen girls. This stage will pass and I hope that they do see what you have done for them. If they don't then you know you did your best.