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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is not my business but I need a rant...

237 replies

PooleySpooley · 10/02/2019 22:00

DH and I fall out sometimes about god not encouraging his DDs to take responsibility for themselves. They are 12 and 14. He still has to remind them to brush their teeth and shower etc.

They were here this weekend. We live 200 miles away but DH works in the same town as them all week so brings them back with him on a Friday and drops them off on a Sunday on his way back.

I washed their school uniform and DH ironed it. He moans that his ex never irons it and it only gets ironed here. I have suggested he teaches them how to iron it themselves but he doesn’t (he taught my DD to iron with a travel iron when she was about 10).

Tonight he has dropped them off (he rushes around gathering their things and something usually gets left, like school shoes or coats) and they have left their uniform in his car.

He has asked his ex to meet him (it’s a 30 mile round trip from where he is to her) and she says she can’t as she has had a drink.

He says he will meet her tomorrow after work meaning the kids will be unable to go to school tomorrow as they have no spare uniform.

So what the fuck does this teach them about taking any responsibility? That they get a day off school? I think it’s bloody disgusting from both parents.

OP posts:
Orchiddingme · 11/02/2019 13:03

RainbowWaffles apologies if I didn't read your post correctly.

Bryjam · 11/02/2019 13:57

At 12 and 14 they are old enough not to constantly lose uniform. They should be responsible enough to ensure they don’t forget to take anything back with them on the Sunday, even my DC are and they’re all under ten!

Or perhaps with a neglectful mother their home life isn't what it should be and they haven't actually learned as much from her as your DC has from you.

It's not the girls fault. They are the ones suffering at the actions of the adults.

The 'my DC is younger and can do it' attitude always astounds me. It's as if no one is capable of sensible thought. 'Your' DC has had an entirely different upbringing, and that's what helps to shape us. The blame does not lie with the children.

Eliza9917 · 11/02/2019 15:16

Orchiddingme Sun 10-Feb-19 22:26:26
They don't go to school from your house, but their uniform is washed at your house and has to be transferred back. Surely it would be easier to have two sets! I get it is expensive, but if they lived with you full time you would have to pay for a set anyway, this is a normal parental expense and given that this has gone wrong and you had to post a tie the week before, I'd have thought it was less expensive than the post, the petrol and the angst this is now causing.

The children have a mother too, why shouldn't she buy it?

rookiemere · 11/02/2019 18:39

Actually something just occurred to me. I don't think it's been answered why the DF lives so far from his DCs, particularly when his job is relatively close to them. Suggests that it's him that's moved so far away from them. Not a smart move if he's so concerned about the parenting they are getting from his DM

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 18:55

they don't go to school from your house, but their uniform is washed at your house and has to be transferred back. Surely it would be easier to have two sets! I get it is expensive, but if they lived with you full time you would have to pay for a set anyway, this is a normal parental expense and given that this has gone wrong and you had to post a tie the week before, I'd have thought it was less expensive than the post, the petrol and the angst this is now causing

If they lived with us we wouldn’t pay maintenance Hmm

OP posts:
lisamac28 · 11/02/2019 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:03

Thank you 🙏

DH and I haven’t discussed it on the phone today because I feel so strongly about them missing school but ultimately that is none of my business.

So I am best keeping out of it tbh.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 11/02/2019 22:10

Lisamac28

Interesting first post

funnylittlefloozie · 11/02/2019 22:37

The problem is not you, OP. Its your moron of a husband. I genuinely couldn't live with someone this gormless.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:40

😂😂

Gormless because he forgot to remind his kids to take their uniform out of the car.

Jesus Christ.

Least he’s not too gormless to earn a decent wage eh?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:42

Did he take them the uniforms? Did they go to school?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:43

I have no idea.

I haven’t asked.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:52

Didn’t he say? Or does he not know?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:53

I haven’t asked because I don’t want to know because it pisses me off.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:54

Not sure what his income has to do with him him being useless with his DC.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 22:57

But didn’t he mention “oh I dropped the uniforms off to the girls so they were at school today”?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:58

He’s not useless.

I can’t always speak to him every day anyway.

But this is MN the Parenting “Support” site.

Where unless you post a full life history, totally outing you, people just project all their shit and venom in you, esp if you are a step mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 22:59

We didn’t discuss it because we rowed about it last night.

Is that ok?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 23:01

None of it’s ok really, is it. It’s awful.

JustThe2OfUsMK · 11/02/2019 23:03

YANBU ...their mother and father should teach them...its not your job...your just too kind

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 23:05

You just sit there in your armchair of judgment over my life which you have absolutely no clue about and feel good about yourself and pat yourself in the back.

NOTHING is easy or simple in life and we cannot force the children to live with us against their will.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 23:11

But it’s not ok. You say that yourself, that’s why you posted. You know it’s not ok. It’s a horrible situation. You’ve said all this yourself!

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 23:14

I needed to park it somewhere.

Not be chastised and judged.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 23:16

I’m not chastising you! I’m saying it’s awful. Which it is, and that isn’t a judgement on you, but on the situation.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 11/02/2019 23:18

What do you think my view on “the situation” is?

OP posts: