AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

[Hiphopopotamus]

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

Are you on drugs?

You’re going to be a Netflix documentary by the end of year

Is his name Brian? 😂

Ha! Yeah, sniffer dogs will be looking for you by the end of next week. Amazing idea.

Nice knowing you hiphop I’m sure mumsnet will send round a card and envelope for contributions for some flowers

I have a policy that if an activity causes me to need to ask Mumsnetters whether or not it might get me murdered, I don’t do it.

Agh see this is what I’d be saying if anyone else asked me this - but I really want to believe!! As much as this thread probably reads like a troll joke I am cautiously serious and have in fact emailed the masseuse!

Noooo.

Don't get a free massage from Gumtree.

Wow. You haven’t watched the Luther episode where the man turns up to buy the fridge and bundles her into a suitcase have you?

Try your local college - many have beauty salons with trainees offering cheap treatments. The one I used to work at was about £8 for a massage treatment, the salon area was very nice.

Are you on glue dear?

Please keep this updated do serial killers have wifi in their torture basements?

To my mind, it would be worth paying £40 for a legitimate, credible massage on licensed premises, if for no other reason than to ensure that you are not murdered!

Seriously, don’t go and get a massage from a random man.

I know/have heard of enough people having questionable (at best) experiences with various professionals - one acquaintance was felt up in the salon by her fucking hairdresser - to know that it’s far too risky to go anywhere involving an unknown man. Sad but true.

If you want a cheap massage, try any local FE colleges. Students doing beauty therapy or sports massage therapy all need to do a certain amount of supervised massage with real clients, and they'll be properly trained, DBS checked, and supervised by staff.

not on glue or drugs and usually not stupid!! I’m getting that the consensus is that it’s a bad idea...

Well at least if you’re murdered you won’t be skint anymore?

Orrr if you’re very unfortunate you’ll come back as a skint ghost destined to haunt the torture basement penniless forevermore

You aren't going to benefit from it as you will be so worried about the murder who you won't be able to relax.

Thanks for the college tips by the way - that’s genuinely helpful!

And thanks for everyone else making my laugh out loud - now I’m saying it the plan sounds ridiculous!

Its probably not even a very luxurious torture basement if he's advertising on gumtree. Get yourself on to a more classy site. Trust-a-Killer.com
Can you imagine a Freecycle murderer?!

On a more practical level... your local salon may have a trainee who would need practice therefore a free massage.

Amongst my family and friends I am well known for having absolutely no sense of danger, but even I wouldn't do this!

Lol. Nope. Not in a million years.

Dont do it dont do it dont do it.
Also dont do it.
It's so not worth the risk!
Also surely this "masseuse" would have friends/family/work mates who could leave him positive reviews? It's really very odd that hes asking total strangers to do this!