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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

220 replies

Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 20:38

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

OP posts:
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6
Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:43

Grin a mumsnet potential murder meet up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:44

I mean...everyone always says you should take risks in life, you regret the things you don’t do etc etc Grin

OP posts:
Wannabeyorkshirelass · 06/02/2019 22:44

Nothing more relaxing when someone's hands are on your shoulders and neck than wondering if they're about to strangle you.

Don't take off your clothes for weird people off Gumtree. That's what my granny always used to say.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 06/02/2019 22:57

I was going to post a serious reply about how my friend is training as a masseuse and has to do a certain number of free hours so it could be legit but I definitely still wouldn’t risk it.

All these replies are far more fun though Grin

I hope he plays soothing whale sounds to help you relax (and to drown out the screams of previous clients locked in his basement)

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:59

lisa I love your serious reply - the occasional ones like that are giving me hope and validating my possibly terrible decision.

(And all the others are making me laugh too! If I end up going for it I will definitely keep you all updated!)

OP posts:
22Giraffes · 06/02/2019 23:04

I asked Luther and he said definitely don't go Wink

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 06/02/2019 23:11

lisa I love your serious reply - the occasional ones like that are giving me hope and validating my possibly terrible decision.

Nooo that definitely wasn’t my intention! PLEASE DO NOT GET MURDERED BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I WROTE PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

My friend does have to get a certain number of hours in, so she does free massages (with an option to donate/pay as you like towards supplies etc). But she offers it via word-of-mouth on Facebook, not to total randoms on Gumtree.

Even if it is legit, how comfortable are you honestly going to feel for that hour?!

Teagoanngoanngoann · 06/02/2019 23:26

If you do go...dont wear matching underwear!! Me n my sis have realised when we watch programmes on telly the girls that get murdered always have on matching lingerie sets. So we have decided beige pants & a black bra is the way to go to avoid serial killers!

Areyouongluedear · 06/02/2019 23:31

What about a mumsnet meet up? We can all go and wait outside

Ooh yes please. Can I come and live stream it for the gram?

Mmmhmmm · 06/02/2019 23:48

What everyone else said...just NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Millionsofthings · 06/02/2019 23:52

This has for all the makings of an episode of Luther written all over it..... don’t go!!!

Seriously!!

Mmmhmmm · 06/02/2019 23:53

I just googled "gumtree murder" and this is what came up. 🤣

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?
Birdshitbridgegotme · 07/02/2019 00:07

Shameless placemark

lerrimknowyouretheyir · 07/02/2019 00:08

Ooh the FE college recommendation is genius. Just booked a facial for £12 and massage for £15. Last time I had a facial at a salon it was £85.
(And hopefully they won’t kill me, pretty sure Brian has been banned)

lerrimknowyouretheyir · 07/02/2019 00:09

Mind you, Brian wasn’t a killer was he? His thing was yonis, right?

PenguinPandas · 07/02/2019 00:10

Go for it but do update on whether you were murdered or not. 😱 Some lazy journalist may need to know to finish their article. Risking death is worth it if it helps the Daily Mail surely? 😂

ZenNudist · 07/02/2019 00:19

No dont do it!

Atchiclees · 07/02/2019 00:30

Is “lymphatic drainage” code for wanking in your hair?

MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 00:35

Atchiclees I’ve got a feeling that’s bang-on!

Supergrassyknoll · 07/02/2019 00:41

Sorry but this doesn't sound genuine. I've just booked a massage at an excellent place I've used before at a 30% discount & it's way affordable & I'm a single mum on UC

OlennasWimple · 07/02/2019 00:42

No, OP, nothing at all dodgy about going to a strange man's house, taking off all your clothes and lying face down on a table so you can't see him approaching with the cleaver

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/02/2019 00:42

You’re an absolute loon.

PippaPug · 07/02/2019 00:54

Luther is looking for a new murder case to solve 😜

VanillaSugarr · 07/02/2019 06:50

You wouldn’t get this on Father Brown.

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 07/02/2019 08:46

Well I’ve woken up with an extremely achy and tense back - that’s not helping with the desire to be sensible!

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