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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

220 replies

Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 20:38

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 07/02/2019 09:11

It could be genuine, but some of the replies here are brilliant

dustyfan · 07/02/2019 11:56

If you do go op, you need to dress up so you're the one making him uncomfortable incase he's a weirdo. It'll throw him off guard if he's weird. If he's not weird, then you'll just be the weird chick that turned up for a free massage. Lots of leather, black lipstick, a whip, metal spikes on your clothes, a mask, a really big bag like a boogie board bag - then it looks like maybe you're the one murdering people.

MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 13:53

Or! Giant bear suit!

AnxiousMcAnxiousFace · 07/02/2019 14:02

I sell a fair bit on a Facebook and I was once asked if I was a murderer. I said no and she came and collected said item. She said she was 99% certain I wasn’t going to kill her so that was nice.

AnxiousMcAnxiousFace · 07/02/2019 14:02

Oh, and no, don’t go.

RoastOx · 07/02/2019 14:07

Deffo some guy wanting to get his rocks off

RoastOx · 07/02/2019 14:09

OP please tell me its not this ad!

the winks!

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 07/02/2019 15:09

Notice the way he says he can - come - to you.

SinkGirl · 07/02/2019 15:20

OP, I’m starting a business as an obituary writer so I’m offering them free in exchange for reviews - please pass on my details to your next of kin

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 07/02/2019 16:23

RoastOx no not that one!! And no winks.

At the moment I have an appointment next Friday...

OP posts:
ddodprob · 07/02/2019 16:43

Sorry but I’m more shocked at “find a murderer on gumtree” in the google results!

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 07/02/2019 16:45

I guess even murderers have to advertise - the recession has hit us all!

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 07/02/2019 17:02

@Teagoanngoanngoann Grin Good tip...

HumansCannotEverChangeSex · 07/02/2019 17:12

Selfishly, I want you to go to see if it’s genuine. I also like true crime though.. I probably wouldn’t go as my anxiety would be through the roof and the massage will become pointless.

HumansCannotEverChangeSex · 07/02/2019 17:15

ddodprob If that shocks you, don’t google the man who advertised asking for someone to be eaten voluntarily, someone actually offered themselves and the rest is crazy. Guy got caught and sentenced. Another person convinced his mate to kill him by pretending to be a woman (and other people) who had given him a licence to kill. Some odd people out there.

GlitterStick · 07/02/2019 17:17

Noooo. Don't get a free massage from Gumtree

This, just why would you? I'd be going somewhere reputable, not just a randomers house!

ABigBraclet · 07/02/2019 17:18

Turn up on his doorstep wearing a Mr Blobby suit and get some small children to do your make-up. That'll put the wind up him.

Notsurprisedatall · 07/02/2019 17:20

Yeah... No way!

Gazelda · 07/02/2019 17:50

What exactly is a 'Gumtree Murder Statistic'? Is it a real thing? Is there a GMS department at Scotland Yard? Is there a Spike TV documentary about the worrying GMS trend?

If you go (don't!) then what might your review say?

"Nice hands, good pressure, pleasant surroundings, didn't murder me?"
Or
"dark and gloomy room, a strange chill in the air, deathly silent masseuse, my pop-socks were strangely missing when I got dressed"

Changedagain1112 · 07/02/2019 23:24

Can I film it for a Netflix documentary

gilchrist168 · 07/02/2019 23:48

Can you get a friend to try him out first?
If she doesn't come back, then definitely don't go yourself.

eurochick · 08/02/2019 09:34

Do some yoga for back pain and don't end up dismembered.

Hiphopopotamous · 08/02/2019 10:09

@Hiphopopotamus - you are using my username! Is this part of the data breach from earlier this week? Can you log out please? Thanks

Hiphopopotamous · 08/02/2019 10:11

Just spotted the lack of "o" - apologies!
Hi to another FOTC fan though

FlorencesHunger · 08/02/2019 11:19

I can relate to the need of a massage op lots of good advice here. Have you tried a foam roller? I got one for £3 in a shop. It's not a lovely massage as such but does release tension and aches and pains pretty sharpish after 5mins of use. It targets deep tissue apparently. I just watched a 10min video on how to use it right and cracked on.

Nothing tops a nice relaxing massage but in your case you'd probably be side eying him watching out for an axe now that mn has cast its vote. Grin