AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

[Hiphopopotamus]

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

I do think it's easy to talk yourself into really iffy situations though, and it's only when you tell someone else about it or write it down that it will probably lead to your grisly death.

I'd do a bit of digging first - like Google their phone number, Google their email address, Google the name they've given you and look it up on Facebook. Google the address and see if street view has any signs for the building, see if there's already any reviews. Check if they have a registered company and if they're registered to any of the massage therapy organisations (which is entirely voluntary but they'll usually thingy to one because it looks good).

I don't work for Google I swear - you can use any search engine!

Dribble I think that’s exactly it - it’s one thing convincing myself in my head it’s a good plan - it’s quite another having to justify it to all of you! Mumsnet - saving posters from murdering masseurs since 2019!

Did the masseur reply to your email? I’m curious!

But yeah, really REALLY don’t go there.

But do you live in Hull though? Does he live in Hull?

Well, let's think........ nope! You'll be a small article in the daily fail by the weekend, definitely dodgy!! I second what PP have said about colleges, generally cheap and definitely less risk of being murdered

I'd do a bit of digging first -

That’s what the man is doing. Digging a shallow grave under the patio....

Oh god Brian from Hull is seeking new clients don't go op!!!!! Unless you're partial to a nice yoni massage

Are you on glue?!

Practical advice. You should be able to get an hour's massage for £40. If you're in London, and places you first contact are more expensive, find a Thai massage place/spa (a legitimate place with women with a mainly female clientele and if they take any men they make them wear pyjamas or underwear). You may not find a place in very central London for that price, but certainly just outside (even from Kensington to Kings Cross, no need to go that far out) they exist.

Hopefully you can afford that, if you can't, look around for what you can sell. I'd recommend Facebook marketplace over Gumtree, at least you'll have some idea who they are. (unless they are a very cunning serial killer).

Yes to the college suggestion. I've done this before and it was the best massage I've ever had, I fell asleep! Don't go to a random mans house... what's are you thinking?!

can you take someone with you?

I would go with a friend and sit and read while i waited

Just read this out to husband and adult son. Son reckons deep tissue is a euphemism for organ harvest. Sorry, OP.

Be sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he kills you, you will leave a less than favourable review.

Take a friend with you to supervise, ensuring that s/he's heavily armed.

That way you get a free massage and don't get murdered.

Problem solved.

@BikingBeatrix interesting the way your son's mind works

Brian the yoni massage killer misses out on his latest kill.
He'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for us pesky mumsnetters.

To be honest, I'd be far less worried about being murdered than I would be about it being a totally shit massage.

I would not!

But some of these posts are making me LOL!

Just 😂

@Shinyme

To be honest, I'd be far less worried about being murdered than I would be about it being a totally shit massage.

The college thing is a brilliant idea.
My local one does this. They also have a catering Dept, I went for a meal there and it was amazing.
In fact I'm going to see if they do massage's I really could do with one.

Murdered or raped. No no no.

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint,

Our local college that runs beauty courses offers really cheap treatments inc massages, facials, manicures etc with absolutely no chance of being butchered. Please look around your area for something similar. I can’t see any legitimate business doing it for free, even for reviews.

Be sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he kills you, you will leave a less than favourable review.

He could be a student and need people to work on.

I needed a range of people when I was doing my ITEC massage course and it proved much harder than I thought it would. You'd think the offer of free massages would be snapped up, but no.

I packed it in as I just couldn't get the case studies sorted for it as people were flaky and couldn't commit to the following ups.

It might be legit. Just make sure you take every precaution if you go ahead.