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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

220 replies

Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 20:38

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Aridane · 06/02/2019 21:59

That's interesting, lawrie

freezingmyproverbialsoff · 06/02/2019 22:03

There's an ad that specified female clients only.. I hope it's not that one OP!

Fiddie · 06/02/2019 22:04

He's going to at least wank in your hair when your eyes are shut.

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:05

Nope - no females only clause - I’m an idiot with no sense of danger but not to that extent!

OP posts:
strawberriesandsugar · 06/02/2019 22:07
  1. Some teenager thinking he's funny posts this ad
  1. He's a murderer
  1. He's a shit masseuse for advertising free massages- even his mates won't have one in exchange for a review
  1. He's the real deal and thinks gumtree is the way to find his fortune and fame

🤦‍♀️

BikingBeatrix · 06/02/2019 22:07

Oh dear, Saturday, sense of humour bypass?

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:09

It could be number 4 strawberries! Couldn’t it...?

OP posts:
Corneliusmurphy · 06/02/2019 22:11

We got a free table off gumtree, an ad for a free ikea table kept appearing and dp thought sod it and sent an email. It was genuine and the guy gave dp four matching chairs and a couple of lack tables as well, all for free.

He (the gumtree man) was amazed no one else had been in touch for practically brand new furniture. So there are things to be had for free with no catches... although in your case I’m really not sure I’d chance it... (I let dp brave the furniture man alone, obviously I’d have missed him terribly though Wink)

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 06/02/2019 22:12

He's going to at least wank in your hair when your eyes are shut - OMG, the mental image of this Fiddie

Claw001 · 06/02/2019 22:13

Did you read Gumtree safety tip number 2!

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?
Bluelonerose · 06/02/2019 22:15

Be sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he kills you, you will leave a less than favourable review.

Grin

I'm just imaging that review.
First 20 minutes great I felt all the tension leaving my body. Sadly he then killed me and hid my body. 2 stars Grin

Original poster
Hiphopopotamus · 06/02/2019 22:15

But...but...the free Ikea table claw! Grin

Oh I’m so conflicted!! And I’m cross with myself that I’m conflicted as the rational part of my brain (and you lot!) is telling me this is ridiculous

OP posts:
GB54 · 06/02/2019 22:15

Please don’t!
Agree with trying the local college, mine do massages from £4!

SaturdayNext · 06/02/2019 22:16

I have a policy that if an activity causes me to need to ask Mumsnetters whether or not it might get me murdered, I don’t do it.

Humptydoo, I think this may be my favourite MN post of all time.

LifeImplosionImminent · 06/02/2019 22:17

If you want a cheap massage, try any local FE colleges. Students doing beauty therapy or sports massage therapy all need to do a certain amount of supervised massage with real clients, and they'll be properly trained, DBS checked, and supervised by staff.

Good idea but go on the day they are training level 3 students...

Mrbay · 06/02/2019 22:19

My friend went for a free massage that was advertised via Facebook and she is very much still alive!

HPLikecraft · 06/02/2019 22:20

Have lots of yarn in my stash so have starting knitting a “Woolly Hug” for OPs loved ones. Shades of red, I think.

Youknowmedontyou · 06/02/2019 22:23

I have a policy that if an activity causes me to need to ask Mumsnetters whether or not it might get me murdered, I don’t do it. 

^^this!

Claw001 · 06/02/2019 22:24

Was this the ad 😂😂

AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?
winteryslippers · 06/02/2019 22:30

He'll be massaging you with one hand, and massaging himself with the other!!!!!!

Stay alive, don't do it!!!!

MrsJDornan · 06/02/2019 22:30

At least take a friend, they can keep you alive and live stream what's happening for us Grin

pilates · 06/02/2019 22:34

Noooooo!

ItsHardToExplain · 06/02/2019 22:36

What about a mumsnet meet up? We can all go and wait outside.

MustShowDH · 06/02/2019 22:37

Not that I'm trying to encourage you, but I've had free reflexology as a result of a facebook post. The lady just needed case studies for her course. I offered to write her a review once she set up a business.

Come to think of it, I never heard from her again...Maybe she was just using me for my feet.....

Gardai · 06/02/2019 22:42

It could be genuine
But it equally could be a guy wanting to have a good ole grope.
Brace yourself op for the ride of your life.

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