AIBU to think I won’t be a gumtree murder statistic?

[Hiphopopotamus]

My big question here - will I get murdered?

My back is full of tension and I’m desperate for a massage but also incredibly skint, so I googled 'free massages'. I found myself on gumtree where I found an offer for a free one hour deep tissue massage in exchange for a review. It looks to be at a business address - ie, not someone's house and it explicitly says that it's a Male masseuse looking for serious people and that it is absolutely not a sexual service!

I've emailed and arranged to go next week - but is this insane?? It's a free massage found on gumtree so I obviously have many concerns. But if it's legitimate it's a really good offer. Just to say I am female and (usually) very streetwise and cautious!

So AIBU to think that I can turn up for a free massage with no risk of murder? 😂

Is review code for blow job?

Please wear the giant bear suit.

(Not for the massage, going to that would obviously be ridiculous. But generally, for shopping and gardening and stuff.)

I'd go, and if it's a decent massage tell him he should charge a tenner. People don't appreciate free stuff but they will go to the ends of the earth to save a penny.

Go for it - just take a friend with you

If male and legitimate, wouldn't he know that the correct title for him is masseur? (masseuse is female)

I have an alternative. If you have a vibrating wand, it can double up as a massager.

Have you decided what to do OP!?

I’m still booked in for Friday afternoon. I have asked for some proof that he is a legitimate masseur though (to the pp pointing out the masseur/masseuse mix up it was me who got the terms the wrong way round not Mudery McMurderface)

Yes, he should have certificates, etc. I have ITEC massage qualifications and certificates. He should be able to photograph a certificate and message it to you.

Come Friday, you will be out of pain, one way or another!

You know he's definitely a pervert though right?
At the very least too weird to have friends to practice on.

I want to know what if any proof he sends you!

Why the hell doesn't he just get his friends and family to write a few fake reviews if he is just starting out?

I can see someone newly qualified offering cheap massage to get started, but if he is using a business premises as you say then he would at least want to cost the cost of the room and any oils he is using.

Face time us from the dungeon of murderingness! I'm free on Friday, but if I wasn't I'd cancel every fucking thing for this.

Did you watch Kidnapped in Plain Sight OP? Their naïveté wasn't as obvious as yours

It rubs the lotion on its skin....

Phone your local college and be put on the list for the beauty therapy department for students.

Or look for a groupon offer.

It's probably fine.

Just in terms of common sense, I would make it clear to this guy that you have someone waiting in the car / that you have told people where you are / etc.

Hope he's actually decent at giving massages!

I had a sports massage at a gym I used to go to. Big, chain gym. Very reputable. The guy rested his cock & balls on my forehead. Then asked after that if I wanted my glutes doing. No I fucking do not, Kevin!

@LilQuim fucking hell!! Is he still alive?? What did you do?

One step above Craigslist

Omg

@youknowmedontyou * @LilQuim fucking hell!! Is he still alive?? What did you do?*

Tbh I was in shock & a wee bit scared. So I just waited til he finished & hurried out! But he properly sort of stood a bit higher, then lowered them onto my forehead!!!!!

Good luck Friday - marking place for update!!!!

@LilQuim that's awful, poor you! X

Have you seen the Luther where he comes to pick up a fridge? I wouldn't risk this!!