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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cover for my cheating son

205 replies

Jillianmay · 14/12/2018 00:27

Hey everyone
Really need help on this one !!! My 26 yo son has been married for 6 months only, he already as a 2yo dd , and has been in relationship with his dw since they were teens.

So he asked me about 3 days ago if I could tell his wife that he will be spending the weekend with me ( I live 2 hours away). I asked him why. He refused to tell me. I insisted and he confessed that he is seeing another woman... I can't believe it , I love my dil. Now he's mad and won't answer my calls and texted me 'you're my mum you should be on my side and not judging me'

Aibu ?

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 14/12/2018 00:38

Definitely do not cover for him. You may be his mum but you have a duty to your grandchild and their mother which overrides his desire to use you as an alibi!

I would be devestated if Mr Noodles mum ever covered up any betrayal

Rachie1973 · 14/12/2018 00:40

On his side? He sounds about 12, not 26!

I couldn’t cover for that type of behaviour

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2018 00:41

Yanbu.
That is not what being a mum involves.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2018 00:41

God no! You're not lying to his teacher cos he forgot his homework, he's asking you to be party to him cheating on your DIL, putting her sexual health at risk, ultimately breaking her heart and throwing your grandchild world upside down!!

What are you going to do?

MardyArabella · 14/12/2018 00:42

No yanbu and he’s throwing a tantrum because deep down he knows he’s in the wrong.

He needs to tell his wife.

Kaleela · 14/12/2018 00:45

Holy crap if I found out my MIL had done that for my DH she would be lucky if she ever caught so much of a glimpse of our DC ever again...

ilovekale · 14/12/2018 00:45

I couldn't do it. Grandkid first. Your DS old enough to make his own decisions n take consequences

TittyBoneGhoul · 14/12/2018 00:46

Tell her

theworldistoosmall · 14/12/2018 00:49

I would let him get on with and sulk. Not a chance would I be calling him and texting him.

If he no longer wants to be in a relationship then he needs to put his big boy pants on and break up with her. Not cheat on her like a coward.

Purpleartichoke · 14/12/2018 00:50

I would not help him cheat.

I would tell him I expect him to either start behaving or offer his wife a divorce and generous financial support. Your support should go to your grandchild and the parent or parents who are actually working to raise that child properly, even if that means supporting your Dil because your son is a jerk.

ShesAnEasyLlama · 14/12/2018 00:51

This is the sort of attitude my XH had ("If you're not with me, you're against me") only his DM would have covered for him.

I've told DS in no uncertain terms that I will never support him doing what I believe is the wrong thing, that I would never cover up a crime for him or condone a moral failing. I would support him to make things right, but I don't want to raise the sort of entitled shit my XMIL did.

OP YANBU and he has put you in a really difficult position now. I'm so sorry. Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 14/12/2018 00:56

So are you going to tell her?

Give him the ultimatum that he speaks to you, or you tell her.

Find out what is going on and why.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 14/12/2018 00:58

Nope, and fuck all the "my grandchild" stuff. I expect my children to be honest and decent, even if I don't feel warmly towards their partner (which the OP seems to do). I'd be SO disappointed, and I'd say so.

Iloveautumnleaves · 14/12/2018 01:00

Fucking idiot.

Why the actual hell would he drag you into it?

I don’t actually know if I’m more disgusted with him fucking someone else or expecting you to lie to his wife. A woman you’ve known since she was a kid and the mother of your grandchild.

With his whiny ‘you’re my mummy’ entitled attitude I think I’d want to arrange to go and visit his wife when he’s supposed to be with you and tell her, but I’m not sure I could.

I’d have told him what a complete and utter shitbag he was and asked him lots of questions and basically gone absolutely mad at him. ‘This is NOT how you were brought up to behave’ would have crossed my lips at least once.

Prettyvase · 14/12/2018 01:00

Now that you know you must tell your dil as she will find out soon enough and it will end your relationship with her and your gc if she got wind you knew about his cheating and didn't tell her.

Horrible position to be in but your son has to own up to her or you will tell her yourself.

Either way you are going to lose out. Best keep in with your dil and your gc if you want to be in your gc's life.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/12/2018 01:01

He shouldn't be expecting you to cover. Please do not cover for him. Try talk some sense into him.
He may have fallen out of love with his DW, if so he needs to take action and leave the marriage.
If he hasn't fallen out of love and just wants an extra, id seriously consider telling DIL she needs to know.

Santasushi · 14/12/2018 01:04

Are you going to tell her?

easielouisie · 14/12/2018 01:04

Didn't want to read and run. Sorry op Flowers Just do what you feel is right and stick to your guns

Lovingbenidorm · 14/12/2018 01:06

He is behaving like a prize arsewipe.
Involving you is absolutely appalling. You have known his wife, mother of your gc for many years, he has no right asking you to lie for him while he fucks about. You should never be put in this position.
What are you going to do op?
I’d be so cross I think I’d rip my DS another and tell him to get it sorted one way or another but I was not prepared to cover for him.

Letsmove1t · 14/12/2018 01:11

OMG you have to tell your son to confess to DIL or you will tell her-you poor thing- dil & gc, there are no winners in the inevitable wake of this pure selfishness

WhoTookTheChristmasCookie · 14/12/2018 01:13

Not a chance would I cover for him and I would tell him exactly why too.

In fact, I might even tell DIL myself once he disclosed what his intentions were.
Poor girl is sitting at home, holding the baby, being lied to and treated like an absolute muppet.
There's no way my conscience could allow that to continue if I were aware.

Willow2017 · 14/12/2018 01:16

Of course you arent.

He is a selfish entitled arse. Why on earth would you cover up something so awful for him.

Tell him to grow up and tell his wife he doesnt want to be with her any more and do the decent thing.

Being a mum doesnt mean you turn a blind eye to your kids being atseholes and hurting people you love.

Yell him to tell her before you do she deserves better than this.

Willow2017 · 14/12/2018 01:17

Tell him even! (Although if he was one of mine yelling would figure large in it)

poppiesallykatie · 14/12/2018 01:30

absolute no.

Winterberriesonatree · 14/12/2018 01:43

When our kids were young it was a family joke that if they didn't like what DH or DM said they would yell in unison "Tell him Mum, just tell him!" or "Tell her Dad, just tell her!"

It didn't work for our kids then, they knew it never would work, because we stood firm once joint decisions were made and they knew it.

It shouldn't work for your DS now. Just "tell him" not to be an arse and refuse to cover for it. You cannot change how he acts, but you can easily refuse to be a willing party to it.

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