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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cover for my cheating son

205 replies

Jillianmay · 14/12/2018 00:27

Hey everyone
Really need help on this one !!! My 26 yo son has been married for 6 months only, he already as a 2yo dd , and has been in relationship with his dw since they were teens.

So he asked me about 3 days ago if I could tell his wife that he will be spending the weekend with me ( I live 2 hours away). I asked him why. He refused to tell me. I insisted and he confessed that he is seeing another woman... I can't believe it , I love my dil. Now he's mad and won't answer my calls and texted me 'you're my mum you should be on my side and not judging me'

Aibu ?

OP posts:
puddled2 · 14/12/2018 01:46

Tell her protect your gd & her mother

Weezol · 14/12/2018 01:53

Hell no! I am gobsmacked that he even asked you.

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/12/2018 02:22

Being on his side means telling him to not f**k up his life and sort it with his wife and child.

Not covering his backside whilst he is doing something that could wreck his life and the lives of those around him.

StoppinBy · 14/12/2018 02:42

I can't believe he would actually ask you to do that for him. I am sorry that he put you in this position. I also feel that you need to tell his partner if he wont.

Poor girl deserves to know.

RonaldMcDonald · 14/12/2018 02:46

I guess you don’t know the details.
You can be clear you cannot be part of his plan and that you are uncomfortable
His reaction is down to shame and guilt he is trying to push on to you perhaps coupled with some coercion to do as he asks

Withholding judgement might be wise until things become clearer

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 14/12/2018 02:48

Fuck no. Son or not I wouldn’t be covering for anyone’s cheating, especially not with a child involved. I know he’s your son, but what a worm.

jophie80 · 14/12/2018 02:56

Please do not cover for your son, because his actions are wrong and deceitful to his wife. She deserves respect and honesty. And lying to your partner is terrible, if he is unhappy in the marriage then he should tell his wife, if he wants to regain his youth again he should tell his wife; dishonesty should not be tolerated as it ruins marriages and the lives of children. My ex dear boyfriend had a father who cheated on his mother for years, and it torn up the children, to this day by ex boyfriend is an anxious and a worried man with diminished confidence... do not do it

Topseyt · 14/12/2018 03:04

Not a snowball's chance in hell that I would cover for my children in any such way.

I would send him one text now, telling him categorically that his behaviour is an utter disgrace and if he doesn't tell his wife what is really going on then you will.

Then leave him to stew until it is time for his dirty weekend away. Then it will be time to act.

kateandme · 14/12/2018 03:16

nope the shit heap at the end of an affair is big fucking enough with grandma being involved in it.and once you lie your very much part of the breaking up potentially of a family and its absurd for him to even ask you to lie.
I don't suppose it would help if hes doing this but would it help to ask him how he would feel about his inlaws if he found out they been covering for his wifes affairs.

jessstan2 · 14/12/2018 03:22

Don't cover for him. He is behaving very immaturely and you do not have to enable his behaviour. He would probably be devastated if his wife did the same. If you refuse to cover for him, he will be quicker to come to his senses - at least, I hope so. There are never any guarantees.

So sorry you've been put in this position.
Flowers for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2018 03:28

That’s pretty unanimous. Your son is an adult. Conniving and covering up for lies is not something he should expect from his mother. I’m so glad you’re sticking up for his wife and your gd. Is your son usually this unreasonable with you?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/12/2018 04:17

FUCK. NO. I have an adult son and I would NEVER be a party to this. I would also tell him that I will be informing his wife. Fucking idiot. How dare he try to drag you into such a massive betrayal to your DIL.

Racecardriver · 14/12/2018 04:22

So because you gave birth to him you should be completely ok with what he did? How ridiculous. You need to give him a good telling off.

Coyoacan · 14/12/2018 04:26

You're job as a mother is not to help him do wrong, of course not. Your not a mobster's mother. A mother's job is to teach our children right from wrong, even if they should have learnt that lesson already.

Support your DIL and grandchild, OP, they are the most important people at the moment.

Philomensapie · 14/12/2018 04:38

What a lovely man. Xmas Hmm Sometimes we do our best and they still grow up to be shits. Flowers

glueandstick · 14/12/2018 04:47

Do not cover for that little shit. How dare he bring you into this.

I’d be inviting your DIL down for the same weekend and be by her side through all of this. If he can’t be reasonable and tell her now, I can’t see the divorce being an easy path for her.

jackio2205 · 14/12/2018 05:08

Not being judgmental and being part of the lie are two different things. He's putting you in a very difficult position by asking you to be involved, I personally think it takes the absolute Michael to even ask you to lie for him, so cocky... but hey, trying not to judge here... instead just say no and carry on as normal but dont talk to him about it unless he says. His head is probably all over the shop right now and he's pressing the 'fuckit button' so wont be seeing sense or up for listening to sound advice, don't even try because you'll alienate yourself x

knittedjest · 14/12/2018 05:17

I wouldn't but besides that I would stay well out of it unless you have other children or are happy being childless because your relationship will not recover.

Adnerb95 · 14/12/2018 05:37

He's putting you in a horrible situation but you are absolutely right in refusing to lie for him.

You ARE on his side (and on your DIL's side too) as a Mum, because you want the best for him and for him to be the best that he can be. So lying for him in this situation would be a betrayal of your DIL, your grandchild AND HIM!

We don't do our kids any favours - even as adults - if we fail to challenge serious unacceptable behaviour.

Poor you Flowers

pissedonatrain · 14/12/2018 06:04

Of course don't cover for him. I suspect that he has been shit to his DW in others ways you probably don't know about.

JoyofSticks · 14/12/2018 06:39

I say no, don't cover for him. Explain to him that you love him but you're not going to help him hurt anyone. Maybe ask DiL if she knows where he is and suggest she ask him?

Mayrhofen · 14/12/2018 06:44

No way, I woukd tell him in no uncertain words to man the fuck up and tell her or end it now. If he sent me that text whoa! No way would I let him project his guilt onto me. What an utter

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/12/2018 06:46

Ultimatum time. He tells his wife or you do. What a shit! Flowers

SoupDragon · 14/12/2018 07:01

I would tell a child of mine to fuck off in those circumstances.

BlueSuffragette · 14/12/2018 07:03

Wow. Do not cover for him.Poor wife.

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