To not cover for my cheating son

[Jillianmay]

Hey everyone
Really need help on this one !!! My 26 yo son has been married for 6 months only, he already as a 2yo dd , and has been in relationship with his dw since they were teens.

So he asked me about 3 days ago if I could tell his wife that he will be spending the weekend with me ( I live 2 hours away). I asked him why. He refused to tell me. I insisted and he confessed that he is seeing another woman... I can't believe it , I love my dil. Now he's mad and won't answer my calls and texted me 'you're my mum you should be on my side and not judging me'

Aibu ?

wrong.

He is being incredibly selfish, proposing to take years of this womans life just so he can live with his kid. He isn't just cheating on the wife, but on his child also. My dad did the same. I found out in my late twenties that he had been having an affair most of my childhood and what broke my heart the most was that he has wasted most of my mums life and she is now in her 50s, alone, and thinking about what could have been.
I still love him but I also hate him for it and for lying to me for so many years. That has destroyed our relationship and I don't thank him for staying those years at all. I can't imagine how I would feel if I found out my grandma had known all these years what he was doing, but I can tell you that my mum comes first in my heart and anyone who could do that to her... well, I would not think upon them kindly no matter who they were.

I think you should give him a deadline to talk to his wife about this, where you will tell her after that.

I know if I put my mother in your position, she would tell after a set period of time and I could not blame her for it. She should never be put in that position.

Best of luck OP, that is a horrible thing for your son to do to not only his wife, but his child, and you as well, and the way that he has treated you since is truly disgusting.

A lot of people have overlooked the dgd. Her relationship with her dad will be tarnished forever. I have a similar situation, I speak to my dd maybe once a month and we're pleasant but I'll never trust him or view him as a "father" because of what he did to my dm. I don't trust him because of decisions he made when I was a very young child.

My relationship would also be tarnished with dgp if they had gone along with it.

I know you don't want to tell her and that's understandable, but you're running your own relationships too. An ultimatum of 2 days is reasonable then tell him you're going to tell dil. Please trust me it's so much better for this to come out now, awful as it'd be, than in a few years when dgd is older and more aware it'll cause irreparable damage, your dil will be lost to you forever. You'd be making a terrible mistake

The sooner the better you give him an ultimatum the better. Then you have to tell her, because whilst she might find it in her heart to forgive him and continue the marriage as he is the father of her child- she won’t forgive you if she finds out you knew and didn’t do anything.

It might be Christmas but I’d rather be crying and devastated and look back at it in the future as a bad Christmas rather than find out later and be continually hurt by the fact that everyone knew and betrayed me by allowing a faux happiness.

My MIL did this. She cheated right throughout their marriage and in the end, left FIL for none other than his best friend who she is still with now. Decided to leave when DP was 18 and his sister 20. The fall out was immense as you can imagine and DP’s relationship with her has never been the same. He didn’t speak to her at all for the first couple of years which can’t have been easy but the betrayal goes beyond the husband and wife when children are involved.

YANBU to not cover for him and honestly, I would be informing your DIL. Your loyalties lie with your grandchild here, it’s not fair for him to treat the mother of his child with such blatant disrespect.