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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday Sad AIBU?

OP posts:
UhUhUhDennis · 06/12/2018 23:14

YANBU if you can afford to but don't expect a positive reference and expect to find it really hard to get another job at that time of year. But if none of that bothers you and you can afford it then do it.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 06/12/2018 23:16

Will she not be in school anyway?

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:17

We can't really afford it tbh but I could just temp until I found something permanent.
I feel like I would be a horrendous mother to be at work on my daughters birthday though and my kids come first.

OP posts:
Cachailleacha · 06/12/2018 23:18

Don't most people have a birthday tea then do something on the weekend? We have always attended school and work as normal on birthdays. Will you be working an unusually long day or just 8 hours?

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:18

Nope she's off. And that never happens either!! So I'd feel doubly shit about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:19

8 hours but it's ten really with travel time. Sad

OP posts:
Lwmommy · 06/12/2018 23:20

YABU

Of course leave over the xmas period is booked up. You made the mistake not your work.

Explain to your daughter and make plans for as close a day after or before as possible.

Its bot fair to your work or your colleagues if you leave immediately and force them to.cover for you, potentially have to cancel their leave just because YOU made a mistake booking your leave.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/12/2018 23:21

I don't know anyone ever who takes the day off for their child's birthday tbh.

AlexaShutUp · 06/12/2018 23:21

Why would you give your notice in?

If it's because you've had enough of the job anyway, and the day off on your dd's birthday is genuinely more important than being employed, then go ahead and hand your notice in.

If you're just pissed off that they won't accommodate you and want to stamp your feet about it, don't cut your nose off to spite your face, as you will be the one to regret it later.

And if it's so important to have the day off on your dd's birthday that it's worth quitting over, make sure you get your requests in much earlier in future!

ThisMustBeMyDream · 06/12/2018 23:21

I worked this year, a 12.5 hour shift, on my son's 6th birthday. I just told him it was his birthday the next day (Saturday, and shebhas his party booked for that day). I'm a single Mum, all 3 of my children have their birthday on the same day each year. I work set days, because of childcare. I can't swap my days. I don't have enough annual leave to take half a weeks holiday (I work 24 hours) on birthdays. My eldest was 16 this year - I got his dad to have him for the day and do it all. My youngest was 3, but his birthday fell in the half term holiday, so I could book that week off and it wouldn't be lost as I could spend the time with all my children. It won't happen again for a few years now.
6 year old wasn't any wiser btw. So it worked beautifully.

user139328237 · 06/12/2018 23:22

YABVU

WootCanal · 06/12/2018 23:23

Can't you have a birthday weekend??

She can still have a great birthday even if all the fun and celebrations aren't on the same day.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 06/12/2018 23:23

When I mean they all have their birthdays on the same day each year, I should make it clearer - their birthdays all fell on Fridays this year! Saturdays next year, and so on....!

Kristingle · 06/12/2018 23:23

My husband has been at work every single birthday of every single one of our children. They have all survived.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 06/12/2018 23:25

Why would she get a bad reference if she works her notice?
If you’re confident you can get other work and their inflexibility is the final straw then leave.

user139328237 · 06/12/2018 23:25

There was a lady on a BBC ambulance doccumentory who not only was working overtime on her daughter's (with life limiting disabilities) 16th birthday but was back at work on a night shift the day after despite her daughter having been rushed to A and E on her birthday (and still being in hospital).

BumsexAtTheBingo · 06/12/2018 23:29

The ops dd has additional needs and the op has said she’ll be very distressed so comparing with children who don’t have sn and are fine about parents working birthdays is pointless.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 06/12/2018 23:31

Good for her user Hmm One of my dc has asd and likely couldn’t care less if I worked their birthday. Kids with asd have anxieties around different things.

NoCanoe · 06/12/2018 23:32

I dont often post. But this is a daft way of thinking.

Surely your job - and income- more important than one solitary day?

A birthday evening will be just as ok with your daughter, assuming you don't project your anxieties on her.

Seriously.......just a 'mummy has to work , but it's your birthday the WHOLE day ' will likely save any guilt tripping. If you have to use it......

I'm not sure what she has been led to expect?

ThisMammaBear · 06/12/2018 23:32

I don't know anyone who takes a day off on their kids birthday!

A few take a day on their own birthday, but not on their kids. I never even occurred to me frankly. You can make the day special with a birthday breakfast, or a card and a piece of chocolate if they have breakfast at school or childminder later on.
A special diner with a couple of present, and you celebrate on the next Saturday when they are off school and you off work if you don't work weekends.

I honestly fail to see the big deal. As long as you acknowledge their day, kids should not be bothered about going to school and parents to work.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 06/12/2018 23:33

YABU. You cocked up your own annual leave around the busiest time of the year; your colleagues and managers shouldn’t have to suffer because of that.

If it’s so important to you, perhaps you should make sure you put the correct provisions in place to ensure this doesn’t happen.

notsurewhatshappening · 06/12/2018 23:34

I saw my son for 10 mins on his 5th birthday (I'm a teacher and had parents evening that night). He had a great time at school and at the childminder's. We celebrated at the weekend- not ideal but hey ho
Not worth the hassle of getting a new job over.

bridgetreilly · 06/12/2018 23:34

The thing is, at some point surely, you'll have to work her birthday, or she'll be at school for it, or both? Why not this year? I've never known anyone take days off work for their children's birthday and would think it very weird to get that request, especially at this time of year.

Travis1 · 06/12/2018 23:36

Yabu. I mean I just can’t even fathom in what way you think resigning is the answer to this?!

NoSquirrels · 06/12/2018 23:38

See if someone will swap?