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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday Sad AIBU?

OP posts:
YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 07/12/2018 00:40

Do people take their kids’ birthdays off work? Is that a thing?

I don't know if it's a "thing" but we do it. They're pretty important days. I'm a sahp so DH doesn't need his AL for childcare and he gets all public holidays off. He can easily use 3 days for birthdays so why not? Eldest was at school on her birthday this year so DH just took a half day so he could be home for 3pm instead of 8pm. It's not that strange surely?

GaryBaldbiscuit · 07/12/2018 00:43

who will she be with on her birthday?

GaryBaldbiscuit · 07/12/2018 00:43

They can make it special.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 00:44

Anyone who decided to feel a little poorly after cocking up then being refused annual leave would deserve to be disciplined.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2018 00:45

I work every one of my kids birthdays, its shit but it is what it is. I work unsociable hours, weekends, Xmas, you name it.

I make the time I have with them on their birthdays count, and they appreciate that.

You can either accept that life sometimes means you cant always do what you want to do or you can be a heartbroken martyr. Personally I prefer to teach my children that life sometimes gets in the way, but love is always there.

helacells · 07/12/2018 00:47

Celebrate it another day. She's 7 she doesn't even know what day it is

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 07/12/2018 00:48

Or maybe you might feel a little poorly that day Wink

Perfectly1mperfect How very selfish. I’m a manager and if one of our crew was conveniently sick on the day they requested off they would absolutely be disciplined for it.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 07/12/2018 00:52

Whattodo
seriously?
would you in fact remember when people asked for leave and it was denied?? Confused
and then they were off sick?

cancla · 07/12/2018 00:53

Celebrate it another day. She's 7 she doesn't even know what day it is

I'm going to presume you don't have any contact with children, let alone experience Hmm

GlitterGlassEye · 07/12/2018 00:55

Practically. Wow. What a shit ignorant comment. I’m sure a lot of mothers feel their kids are “pretty special” but have no choice but to work.

WineAndNoodles · 07/12/2018 00:56

Between DH and I, we've missed four of one of our children's birthdays due to being abroad. It's become a family joke as it just happened that way. Her birthday falls at a key travel time in the different industries we are in 😔 She got a huge fuss afterwards each time.

If we were just at work during the actual day, I think she'd be thrilled.

Celebrate it when you can and arrange the day so she has fun regardless. It's not worth resigning over imo, unless you are majorly unhappy for other reasons and are just using this as an excuse?

MarinaMarinara · 07/12/2018 00:58

But even if you resigned (don’t!) surely you will still be in your notice period so would still have to work that day?

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2018 00:58

would you in fact remember when people asked for leave and it was denied? and then they were off sick?

Well I would! As the manager of a fairly large team I keep notes of such things and yes I certainly would notice. Sometimes we have to say no, for reason that the team member may not know or appreciate. If they then call in "sick" that day, without some proof of illness, damn right they would be disciplined! Thats why I keep a record of leave requests, approvals and (espcially) refusals.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 07/12/2018 00:59

very smart pyongkipper

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2018 01:02

very smart pyongkipper

Just standard business practice that is sadly needed because some people do "happen to feel a bit sick that day" and take the piss.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 01:30

damn right they would be disciplined!

It would've difficult to prove someone wasn't I'll though. What if they were genuinely sick on the day they had been refused leave. Years ago, a lady I worked with was refused leave. She was then genuinely sick on the day. She came to work as she didn't want her manager thinking she was lying to get the day off. She had a migraine and fainted after being about 5 hours into her 8 hour day. It happens.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 01:36

GlitterGlassEye

Was that comment for me. I think it was.

I meant our kids birthdays are special in comparison to our birthdays. Not our kids are special and no one else's are.

I know loads of people who don't have their kids birthdays off work, some can't get time off, others choose not to and just celebrate at another time. I'm not judging people who don't. It's none of my business.

Coromandel · 07/12/2018 01:41

I feel like I would be a horrendous mother to be at work on my daughters birthday though and my kids come first

Of course you are not a horrendous mother to be working on your child's birthday. People who work and have jobs have to fulfil their work obligations. Won't she be at school? Won't you be there in the evening? Please don't beat yourself up about it. It's fairly common with working parents that you can't do as much as you'd like.
It's pretty usual. I feel for you, but you mustn't feel bad, it's unavoidable when you're holding down a job.

Beeziekn33ze · 07/12/2018 01:52

Wondering whether some parents take their DC out of school on their birthdays.

Nitpickpicnic · 07/12/2018 01:58

For perspective, I happen to be looking after a child this Sunday (favour for a school mum). It’s technically his 8th birthday that day, but they celebrated it a couple of weeks early. They do this because they found it hard to gather friends/family this close to Xmas.

He’s perfectly fine with it. Won’t see his family all day, won’t have any very special treats or outings. Normal play at a friend’s house.

Sky still up where it should be.

I’m sure your DD will be fine, and enjoy whichever quality time you can manage with her. I’d be v tempted to nudge the calendar a bit at that age, and convince her it’s on your next day off.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 02:00

*Wondering whether some parents take their DC out of school on their birthdays.

I'm sure some do. Most schools finish at 3 ish though so there's plenty of time to celebrate after. I would imagine most kids would be happy to see their friends at school on their birthday though. Primary schools make a fuss of the birthday child, sing happy birthday and they seem to take in sweets to share.

MonsterKidz · 07/12/2018 02:01

A few years back, I had to work on my sons 2nd birthday. He was in nursery by 8am and I didn’t see him again till after 5pm.

I didn’t like it and would much rather have been with him but I had no choice and just had to get on with it.

We celebrated the day before, did all his presents then and on the day we just had a wee cake and my parents pop in. We then did a party at the weekend. Worked out fine.

Coromandel · 07/12/2018 02:10

Eldest was at school on her birthday this year so DH just took a half day so he could be home for 3pm instead of 8pm. It's not that strange surely?

That's not strange at all, and great if you are in a job where you can just take a half day off. It is the least strange thing in the world.
But not everybody can, is all folks are saying.
My dh never could because he worked away Mon to Fri and would not have been able to pop home for the afternoon and evening.

Nice if you can, but not the end of the world if you can't.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 07/12/2018 06:51

seriously?
would you in fact remember when people asked for leave and it was denied?? confused
and then they were off sick?

GaryBaldbiscuit Of course. Where I work everything is electronic anyway - leave requests (which are then approved/denied online), hours worked, sick days.

So even if I didn’t remember (however I’m a manager, it’s part of my job to know my crew), it’s all there on the system anyway.

Pachyderm1 · 07/12/2018 06:56

If you can’t afford it then definitely don’t hand in your notice. Being able to provide for your daughter financially is the most important thing.

I know it’s difficukt as she has ASD, but start explaining to her now that you won’t be there and why. give her plenty of time to process it. And make arrangements for the nearest day that you have off instead.

Very many mothers work on their kids birthdays. It does not make them bad Mothers.