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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday Sad AIBU?

OP posts:
cancla · 06/12/2018 23:39

Definitely BU.

Elphie54 · 06/12/2018 23:40

So you want to quit because you are not given her birthday off?

Iwanttoswingfromachandier · 06/12/2018 23:40

OhWhatAPalaver Thu 06-Dec-18 23:12:53
Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time.

Ergo your fault - sorry OP but noting seems unfair in what you've posted

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 06/12/2018 23:40

Do people take their kids’ birthdays off work? Is that a thing?

SpoonBlender · 06/12/2018 23:41

Call in to say you're taking her to the hospital. Fuck it, it's one day same as any other for work, and far more important for her and you.

NoSquirrels · 06/12/2018 23:42

I mean - it’s a big cock-up on your part, yes. Your DD’s birthday falls between Christmas and New Year and she’s turning 7... you’ve had a few years to figure out the importance of booking that date off!

But - what’s done is done. I have worked on my DC’s birthdays, including being away overnight. They have no additional needs so I get that’s tough, but it’s how you sell it. Is your DD’s DF around and extended family? It’s not all on you...

Abby360 · 06/12/2018 23:49

Everyone I know books kids birthdays off, over their own because adult birthdays just aren't as special as kids birthdays.

Sounds like you are a bit sick of your job anyway OP. Go for it (if you can afford to!)

HeddaGarbled · 06/12/2018 23:50

You’ve got 4 weeks to prepare her. Who looks after her while you are at work? Let them know the situation and discuss plans for the day. Then talk to your daughter and make plans for the nearest weekend.

You are never going to find a job that will guarantee that you will always be able to take the day off on her birthday so this is a good time to manage both of your expectations.

Bouchie · 06/12/2018 23:53

I had to work on my Ds's 4th birthday. I felt awful but my job is immovable. Instead we moved his birthday. He didn't know and we had a lovely day the day after. Well worth it.

e1y1 · 06/12/2018 23:54

I don't know anyone ever who takes the day off for their child's birthday tbh

This, sorry - I rarely get my Birthday off, let alone anyone else's

Elphie54 · 06/12/2018 23:54

“
Call in to say you're taking her to the hospital. Fuck it, it's one day same as any other for work, and far more important for her and you.“

And when they ask for documentation? In my job, calling in sick or saying a family member is in the hospital, on a day you were previously denied off, without documentation, is an automatic suspension. A second time is termination.

Bouchie · 06/12/2018 23:54

in case I wasn't clear. we told him his birthday was on the Sunday (not the Saturday I was working on!)

AutumnEvenings · 07/12/2018 00:01

Honestly kids get used to parents needing to work on special days. As a nurse I worked part of most Xmas rotas whilst the kids were growing up, night duties included.

They understood even at an early age that other people who were really sick needed people to look after them. Keeping my job meant they had help with education at uni and they have been grateful for this support.

MidniteScribbler · 07/12/2018 00:02

You're supposed to take a day off for your child's birthday now?

SleightOfMind · 07/12/2018 00:04

Neither DH or I would take time off for a child’s birthday, although one of us would be doing school pick up so would be with them for the evening anyway.

If her birthday was term time, would you keep her off school?

Just do something she’ll love on her birthday weekend. DC don’t actually care about the date. They do like a celebration with their loved ones though.

BackforGood · 07/12/2018 00:05

YAB incredibly U.
Quite ridiculous in fact.

I feel like I would be a horrendous mother to be at work on my daughters birthday Hmm seriously ? You think parents take days off for each of their dc's birthdays? Just how much AL do you think the average person gets ? Hmm

DarkDarkNight · 07/12/2018 00:10

God there’s a lot of sneering on this post.

I know lots of people who take the day off for their child’s birthday. I always do and why not? It’s an important day for me and worth a day of annual leave (I normally take 3 days actually for a trip away so I must be really stupid).

I don’t know why taking the day off to spend with your child is seen as a bad thing.

littlemisscomper · 07/12/2018 00:12

Who will be looking after her that day? Could you pay for her to go on a treat, maybe to soft play or to a fun pool or something, lunch at McDonalds, then a film in the afternoon? It'll fill up her day and you can keep your job, and celebrate properly at the weekend. I'm still unemployed after 18 months - only had 2 or 3 (very) temporary jobs and properly struggling now. Look before you leap!

ahouseofleaves · 07/12/2018 00:16

I don’t know why taking the day off to spend with your child is seen as a bad thing.

I don't think it is. But I do think considering quitting your job to be home on that day - because you've made a mistake booking AL, and your employer can't hounor your request to switch days - is very OTT.

Bouchie · 07/12/2018 00:17

Of course it's not weird to take a day off. Especially given I most cases:
first 2 years child unaware of birthday (No day off)
next 2 years award (take time off)
if born out of holiday time next 10 years (assuming by 14 you can explain) will be in school for 8 of them and therefore only need to take off 4 days over 14 years.

AutumnEvenings · 07/12/2018 00:21

In the last year at primary school many years ago, my DS took part in a Xmas school play about parents who worked over the festive season. It was great that the children got to consider these issues. Some kids who had doctor, NHS or paramedic parents had parts to play, stating that Mum or Dad had really important work to do.

Ds part was to come on stage, pretend to throw snowballs and say that his Mum was working the late shift on Xmas day because people who were really ill couldn't be left without someone to look after them. It encouraged the kids to think about those who did not have the same advantages of good health that they enjoyed. Later in the play he also
played a Grandad who was ill and needed help. This was poignant because the previous year his own Grandad had died in hospital.

Many of the parents in audience were quite choked, it is good for children to develop emotional intelligence and consider other people at times, rather than the me me me society we are moving towards.

ElseSmelsa · 07/12/2018 00:22

What?

seventhgonickname · 07/12/2018 00:24

I work shift so always book DDS bday off as I am out of the door before she is up and I get home at 7pm normally.This is because I often work Christmas,bank holidays so it's nice to have time to give her breakfast and make a wierd looking cake for when she gets home from school.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 00:28

Do people take their kids’ birthdays off work? Is that a thing?

Yes. If they fall on a weekend then no problem. If they fall on week days their dad either books the day off or finishes early. He wouldn't do it for our own birthdays but our kids are pretty special. Wink

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 00:30

You could see if someone will swap. Or maybe you might feel a little poorly that day Wink I'm sure that won't go down well with many on mumsnet though

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